They say that every birth is a blessing to the people around. However, some deliveries are more blissful. Why? Because those babies are born ‘SINGLE,’ and their folks love them to the moon and back. Sometimes though, an overdose of this love may get the better of the single child. Sounds relatable enough? Then read on! We give you the countdown to the seven struggles of being a single child in India.
#7 EVERYBODY KNOWS and PAMPERS YOU
From Mum to Dad, uncles, and aunts to maasi ke chaachi ka beta, bua ke mama ki beti, every single soul on the family knows you. In India, they pamper you with gifts and blessings until you can’t breathe.
So check it against the 100 point slot on the popularity meter! Fake or real, you are the one who has to deal with both the excess love and pamper on your own. Well, well, aren’t you full of it already?
#6 Every family member becomes a customer care professional for you.
Oh yeah! Whether you want it or not, almost everybody in the family will get to have a say in your life. (But not you!) The USP of this – The complete care and concern that you get.
The bottom line – The Vishesh Tippanis that NEVER EVER EVER STOP!
What’s scarier is the fact that these vishesh tippanis often go from being helpful to being rather embarrassing in a matter of split seconds. They will start from the topic of how cute you were when “ittu sa tha jab pehli baar dekha tha” to which stream/ subject you should choose or pursue, and end at the discussion of your marriage and kids.
If given a chance, they would even plan out your non-existent grandkids for you. If you happen to argue with them by any chance, be prepped up for the “It is not only about you, but it is an ‘us-and -we’ thing.” Ughh right?
#5 Your life is bound to be full of Drama!
Not the Ekta Kapoor kind, though the overreaction in some situations might be grossly similar. You being at the receiving end of it would have to just keep up with it while bearing the icy stares of the envious cousins.
Oh, and the drama is almost forever intense. So if you are like me, brace yourselves to be on the receiving end of nonstop emotional atyachaar, and welcome to adopting “sighing” instead of breathing.
#4 Overprotection is the number one trending word in your parents’ dictionary.
Be it your school trip to some museum, college road trip with your besties, or the first date. Your folks will load you with never-ending instructions, precautionary tools (read pepper spray here if you are a girl), and extra homemade food (if you are a boy) just in case of an emergency.
Think that’s the limit? Nope! They’ll make sure to call you at least ten times just to ask you if you are okay, if you need anything or if you are coming home soon until you actually leave everything mid-way and get home.
But hey, look at the bright side, if you ever need to go somewhere else while you were out on your little rendezvous, just give them a call, and they’ll come to your rescue no matter what.
#3 Forced holidays and tag-alongs
Do I need to explain any further? The moral of the story – Parents can also act weird if they are obsessed with their only child. Period! Almost every single child has experienced this at least once during their teenage.
(*Psst. Believe me, the other day; I saw two aged couples fighting their way inside the venue of our college’s Freshers’ welcoming party when they overheard their children talk about the DJ who was making us all dance inside. Enough, ‘that’ happens only in India! :3 )
#2 The stalker pro whose key to life is a ‘NO’.
A ‘no’ meant only for their beloved child. Anything that involves you being out of their sight even for a mere 24 hours meets with a strict no. As if life isn’t irritating enough already, some Indian parents have also turned tech-savvy, and mind you, no matter where you hide, they will find you, and they will hack you to stalk you until they find a single nano-sized black dot in your alibi.
If you happen to argue and make them see a reason for this, meet the ultimate weapon – Slap! That ruins every friggin’ thing!
#1 Promotion? Marriage? Or childbirth? The huge family with the LDRs will always be present!
Yes, LDRs, aka Long Distant Relatives (most of who are often unknown to us), necessarily sprang into action and came to congratulate and “party with you” from nowhere.
From maasis and buas to their relatives and friends and more relatives who have ten indirect lineage relations with you somehow, they might never even greet you outside of the home. Still, if you get an achievement, they’ll surely crash in for free awesome food and booze.
Following this is the ever boring and never-ending process of getting introduced to them while assessing their relation to you and being nice to them even if you do not want to.
However, in India, we have a peculiar feature. No matter how nuclear your family is, it is events like this when you realize that your “khaandaan” is larger than the geographical size of Australia. #RealityCheck – “This is supaaaa awkward!”
So now that you have finally got the list of a single child’s agony, here is a basic life hack to escape from 90% of all the situations listed above. Wanna know what?
IGNORE! (and keep ignoring until the person does not bother you anymore. Until then, best of luck to the single you! 😉