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To all those who ask me, “Are you a South Indian, a Madrasi?”, “Do you speak Malayali? Anda unda ponna yend?”, “Is your surname ‘Iyer’ ?” “You probably watch one of those senseless actions South Indian movies, Yenna Rascala?”, “Have you visited the temple that is built to honor Rajnikant?” Please read the statements given below and get your facts straight!
1. South India has five different states and not just Madras.
Not all South Indians are Madrasis. Karnataka, Andhra Pradesh, Telangana, Kerala, and Tamil Nadu are the five different states of South India. And FYI, Madras is now called Chennai so, Madras is not even relevant anymore. I dare you to call anyone of us a Madrasi next time! If you are a North Indian, say from Punjab or Gujarat, how will you feel if someone refers to you as a Bihari?
2. For the umpteenth time, we are Malayalis, and we speak Malayalam!
Tamil, Malayalam, Kannada, and Telugu are the languages mainly spoken in the South. We don’t speak Malayali. Malayali is a person who comes from Kerala and speaks Malayalam! We don’t keep yelling ‘Yenna Rascala’ at each other all the. ‘Yenna Rascala, Mind it!’ was said by SRK in Om Shanti Om, not Rajnikant. Moreover, ‘Yenna Rascala’ and ‘Vanakkam’ are Tamil words. MIND IT!
Those who mock us and ask ‘what do you speak, Anda unda ponna yenda?, those words mean nothing in Malayalam, and they mean nothing in Tamil either! The next time you come and babble ‘ille ille’ or ’po po’ in front of us, I swear we will make you pronounce ‘Vazhi,’ ‘Kozhikode,’ and ‘Pazham! You will then realize how difficult Malayalam is!
3. All South Indians don’t bear the surname ‘Iyer’!
Iyer is a caste of the Hindu Brahmin community of Tamil origin. We Malayali have ‘Nairs,’ ‘Warriors,’ ‘Menons,’ and so on. Some Malayalis have big surnames, I agree! However, others do have names that do not run to the next line! We use house names or parents’ names as our surnames.
4. Not all of us say, “Kahaan se kaharidi aisi BAUKWASS dictionary?”
I can proudly say that Kerala is the most literate state in India, with a 93.91% literacy rate. (Thank you, Bollywood!) if you say that we pronounce MBA as ‘Yem B ye,’ then don’t you pronounce ‘Jeero’ for zero and ‘Phorty phive’ for Forty-five?
5. We hate Racists!
6. Idli, Sambhar, Vada, Dhosa, Rice?
Dude, we don’t eat rice 3 times a day, nor do we eat Idli, Vada, Sambhar 7 days a week! Idli, Dosha, Vada, Uttappam, Uuppumav, Puttu Kadala, Kappa (the list doesn’t end here) are what we have for our breakfast! We have rice for lunch and dinner, with a variety of different curries! If you want to enjoy the perfect cuisine, then you must visit Kerala.
PS: ‘Dhonsa’ is the name of a village somewhere (Google it), ‘Dosha’ is what we eat! Sambhar is a species of deer; ‘Saambaar’ is what we have with Dosha!
8. “It’s disgusting that you eat with your hands, that too on a banana leaf!”
Non-Malayali Folks! We can eat with a fork and a knife too. But here’s a question: if you can prepare food with your bare hands, what is disgusting about eating with your hands? You may find it yucky, but we find it yummy because we love our Rasam! Did you know, eating with your hands improves your digestion?
I pity you for never having had the chance to eat some garam Rice and Sambar on a banana leaf that will leave your taste buds in awe!
9. We don’t have senseless action movies!
The dubbed movies you watch on Hindi channels are not Malayalam movies! Our industry doesn’t have the budget for extra graphic content! We have some relatable and practical movies that you might never get a chance to watch in your Bollywood! I have lost count of Malayalam movies that have been remade in Bollywood. Here are a few:
- Hera Pheri– Ramji Rao speaking
- Bhool Bhulaiyya – Manichitratazhu
- Golmaal – Kakkakuyil
- Garam Masala – Boeing Boeing
- Drishyam – Drishyam
- Billu Barbar – Kadha Parayumbol
- Beti No. 1 – Aadyathe Kanmani
- BodyGuard – Body Guard
- Dor – Perumazhakkalam
- Hulchul – Godfather
If you need more, Google it!
P.S: Kerala does not have a temple dedicated to Rajnikant. Also, if you didn’t know, he is a Maharashtrian who made it into Tamil film Industry long ago!
9. Our men wear mund/lungi, but we don’t lungi dance all the time! (Thanks again, Bollywood!)
I would say, wearing mundu is more of an art. To those who make fun of anyone wearing a mund or lungi, I have a task for you! I will give you a lungi, wear it, fold it above your knees, then tie it and walk like a Man! I am sure every Malayali girl will fall for that!
10. We love Bharatanatyam, and there is no mask wala dance!
Not every South Indian girl knows Bharatnatyam! Bharatanatyam is an art form of Tamil Nadu. Mohiniyattam is the dance form of Kerala! I learned Bharatnatyam because I love it! Don’t you dare call Kathakali a ‘mask wala dance’!
P. S. Have you ever heard of Panchavadhyam or Shringari melam? I tell you, your eardrums will go numb the first time you hear them live!