She should just leave, why won’t she? This is a prevalent inquiry that individuals ask when they uncover that a woman is being abused and battered. If you’re currently in an abusive relationship, you know it isn’t simple. A significant relationship’s demise is never easy.
You might feel compelled to leave one second and then desire to cling to the relationship. Perhaps you even feel responsible for the abuse or are ashamed of yourself for sticking around despite it. The first and only thing that is crucial is your well-being.
You might observe this pattern if you are victimized: Your aggressor makes violent threats, delivers presents, later apologized, and displays remorse. The cycle never ends
But even after experiencing such kind of financial abuse, physical abuse, and partner abuse. Victims should have the strength to part away from an abusive relationship and learn tactics on how to leave an abusive relationship.
1. Indicators That your Abuser is not Changing for Better
- He downplays the abuse or disputes how severe it was.
- He keeps blaming other people for his actions.
- He coerces you into attending couples therapy.
- He says you owe him another opportunity. You must encourage him to continue his treatment.
- He claims that until you stick by him and encourage him, he can’t change. He makes an effort to win you, your kids, or your loved ones’ sympathy.
- All of those are red flags that your companion may be using threats and intimidation towards you. As soon as possible in such circumstances, victims of physical abuse, emotional abuse, domestic violence etc should try to understand how to leave an abusive relationship.
2. Reasons Why Victims Remain Silent
2.1 A Sense of Fear
Fear is one of the key reasons victims continue to be with the abuser. Domestic abuse victims may act irrationally out of fear, which has the power to control someone and restrict their capacity for rational thought. People may feel entrapped by it. For those who have experienced abuse and fear, what makes sense to most people is tougher to understand.
If the victim tries to end the relationship, some abusers make threats to find them, harm or murder them, as well as their family.
2.2 A Guilt Feeling
Guilt is another emotion victims could experience. Some abusers’ victims feel embarrassed. Due to verbal abuse, victims frequently have low self-esteem and may even believe that they were responsible for the attack.
Others feel guilty for failing to save the marriage or for not taking the necessary steps to improve the situation. They believe they have no right to leave the abuser behind since, in their eyes, it is their responsibility.
2.3 A Sense of Isolation
The sense of loneliness is among the worst emotions anyone can experience. It is the sensation of being completely alone. Some victims are unable to care for themselves because they are reliant on the abuser in some way, whether it be financially or otherwise. They would be bankrupt if their violent partner weren’t there.
The abuser may be the only relative or friend they have. Because they think no one could ever love them, the victim who fears being alone will continue to live with the abuser.
2.4 Having False Hope
False hope is the final and most subtle factor in a victim’s decision to stay. It is feasible to feel sympathy for an abuser, particularly if one thinks the abuser will revert to their previous behaviour.
Other victims, particularly those who experienced abuse as children, lack an understanding of what a good relationship entails. They might even believe that abuse is commonplace. On the other hand, young children who experience domestic violence in their households have a threefold increased risk of eventually abusing their spouse.
3. Things to Keep in Mind While Deciding to Leave an Abusive Relationship
Keep the following in mind as you decide whether to terminate the abusive relationship or attempt to save it :
3.1 Abusive Partners Giving False Hope to Cease Physical Abuse, Financial Abuse, And Emotional Abuse
When your partner commits to cease abusing you… Abusers frequently beg for a second opportunity, ask for forgiveness, and make promises to change when they are faced with penalties. Their underlying objective is to maintain control and prevent you from leaving, even though they may say things that they mean at the time. Typically, once they’ve stopped abusing you, they do so immediately.
3.2 Being Hopeful that Violent Partner would Stop One Day
If you’re hopeful that your violent partner stop, The abuse is likely to continue. Deep emotional and psychological issues plague abusers. Although change is neither rapid nor easy, it is also not impossible. And until your perpetrator stops accusing you, of his awful childhood, tension at work, alcoholism, or temperament and takes full accountability for his behaviour, nothing will change.
3.3 Abusive Partners Could be Changed by Enrolling in Therapy
If your spouse is attending counselling or directed toward an object’ Programme. There isn’t any assurance that your mate will transform even if they are undergoing treatment. Many abusers who seek counselling continue to use violence, abuse, and exert control over others.
A positive sign is if your partner has stopped downplaying the issue or offering justifications. However, you must still base your choice on the man he is right now, not the man you envision him becoming.
3.4 Being Scared or Fearful of Leaving an Abusive Relationship
If you’re concerned about what might occur if you depart… You can be worried about your abusive partner’s reaction, your plans, or how you’ll provide for your family. But don’t let apprehension about the future keep you in a hazardous circumstance.
4. Key Points to Follow on How to Leave an Abusive Relationship
4.1 Know Your Financial Literacy and Financial Independence
If you are married to your abuser, this is very crucial. Knowing the financial details before you leave the marriage is beneficial if you intend to file for divorce since you can use them to your advantage later, to ensure that you receive an equitable division of assets.
Make a list of your credit cards and other debts, investment accounts, and all of your bank accounts (individual and joint), along with the account numbers and amounts. Obtaining screenshots of the accounts as proof of the resources you have access to would be even better.
4.2 The Password Should be Updated
It’s a good idea to change those passwords if your abuser knows them or has them saved on devices for access to your financial accounts, email accounts, bank account and social media sites.
If you leave and your abuser still has access to these vital accounts, they could cause havoc or, worse, follow your activities.
The password storage option on your accounts should be disabled, and you should change your passwords. In connection with this, you should attempt to use devices that your abuser does not have access to if you suspect that they are watching what you do on your phone or computer.
It might be a computer or phone owned by a friend, a public library computer should be used to avoid further sexual violence by abusive partners.
4.3 Save Up Your Money in Your Own Bank Account
The expense of breaking apart from abusive relationships can be a major stumbling block. But you should start accumulating money as soon as you can in a safe manner in your bank account so that you can afford to end the relationship.
It’s crucial to keep access to shared assets, especially if you’re married. Create a separate bank account in your name exclusively, preferably at a financial institution that is not affiliated with any accounts you share with your abuser.
Start putting money away or transferring funds from other accounts into that one so that only you can access it. Always keep emergency cash
4.4 Get in Contact with Your Family Member
Isolations are a common strategy used by abusers in abusive relationships to exert total control over their victims. Relationships that victims had with their families, friends, and other loved ones might frequently suffer as a result of this.
If something like this transpired to you, you could think that your nearest and dearest are reluctant to speak from you. You might believe that they are unwilling to assist you. But in reality, they wish to be spending time
There are people out there who miss you, who love you, who are concerned about you, and who want to be there for you, I can assure you. Start contacting your loved ones as you get ready to escape an abusive relationship.
Make sure they understand how much you love, miss, and need them.
5. Procedures to Follow After Ending an Abusive Relationship
- Always keep a copy of your protection order on you.
- Create and maintain copies for your home, automobile, and place of employment.
- Think about telling your friends, neighbours, family members and coworkers about your predicament and how they can keep you safe.
- Try to always have a prepaid cell phone with you, set to 911. (Refer to the GPS technology details above.)
- Modify your usual travel patterns. When you were with your abuser, try to avoid going to the same shops or places of business.
You should consider these points for protection. Have a look:
5.1 Keep your House Secure
If you’re moving, think to consider asking your neighbourhood shelter programme if it may offer temporary housing or any other resources. Consider using an address confidentiality service if you need to keep your new location a secret.
If you plan to remain in your house, think about upgrading your locks or putting in stronger doors.
If the exchange of children is required, make arrangements for it to take place in a secure location. You don’t have to let your abuser inside if they come to your house. Lock the doors and summon the police.
5.2 Keep This thing in Check if You Have Your Car
Alter the parking location. Alter the paths you travel. Share a ride with someone. Exchange your vehicle for a new make and model. With a pal, trade automobiles. Request a ride to your car. Look around the parking lot.
Maintain your car’s doors closed each time you get out or enter. Keep your car keys available in your hands. In case of emergency, always keep your automobile fueled.
5.3 Don’t Let Your Abusive Partner Contact You
If your former partner contacts you, you can take any or all of the following actions: Record every call and message. Save all Facebook and social media contacts as well as emails and texts. Keep track of all face-to-face interactions with the abusive partner.
If your partner disobeys the protection order or makes any sort of threat against you, call the police. If you decide to meet with your partner, make sure you do it in a public setting and let someone know where you will be and when you plan to return.
5.4 Take These Measures if You Have a Child
If your (former) partner has legal custody of your children, speak with a lawyer about obtaining supervised access or having access disallowed. To limit contact with your ex-partner during visits, make transportation arrangements for your kids.
Give copies of all court documents (such as protection orders, custody and access orders), a photo of the abusive partner, and the names of those who are authorised to pick up your children at their school and/or daycare.
In an emergency, ask a neighbour or other reliable person to watch your kids.
6. Conclusion
To sum up, psychological and non-psychological factors may both have an impact on a person’s choice to remain in or exit an abusive relationship. Such as the learned helplessness theory, the traumatic bonding theory, the cognitive dissonance theory, the psychological entrapment theory, the social learning theory, and the investment theory are applied to the victims, and a stay choice is made. Every theory explains why abused persons remain in or return to the abusive environment.
A typical pattern of domestic violence especially that which occurs between intimate partners, is the abuser alternates between acting violently, abusively, and apologetically while making ostensibly sincere pledges to stop. Most of the time, the abuser may also appear to be extremely amiable.
People need to spread awareness among victims about the emotional support groups and women’s shelters made for their safety leaving an abusive relationship. All victims require a thorough study on how to leave an abusive relationship.
Every human being has the right to live their life without the fear of any intimate partner violence and in a healthy relationship. For rescued victims of domestic abuse, domestic violence shelters should be built.
