It was a dark day for one and all. Single people, hostel boarders and, of course, all the midnight foodies. Our mother was not allowed in the markets henceforth.
Don’t get confused by who I mean by “our mother”. Maggi… Hamari maa…hamari Maggi! The FSSAI (saasu maa) labeled it is “unfit for sales in Indian market” due to a presence of excessive lead in it. Saasu maa said earlier tests made sure your mother isn’t allowed back in action as it’s the matter of life and yes more lives. This statement made children like me cry all through the day, all through the night. Mom was gone. We didn’t know when she would be back. With this grief in heart, we managed with our maasis– Yippee, Knorr etc. I don’t want to remember their names either.
But she came back. Keeping our stomachs in mind, she returned with grace. The Supreme Court said mom is needed. But she didn’t come alone. Came along our step mom – Baba Ramu’s daughter – Patanjali. Step mom’s father (Ramu Baba) sent this “healthy” instant noodles that will replace our maa, our maggi. Can you believe my horror? He also said, “we use Rice Bran oil instead of Palmolive oil and is much easier to get unlike maggi”.
Now keeping aside these Saas-Bahu metaphors, let’s get back to our topic.
Ram Dev Baba has launched a healthy ayurvedic substitute for Maggi which will improve our food habits and keep us healthy. I remember that day’s incident as if it happened yesterday. I went to the supermarket to buy some food. My joy couldn’t be contained when I saw Maggi there in the noodles section. “MA”ggi jumped into my arms and we both hugged each other and cried for a brief period of time. I took her with me and then froze. My eyes couldn’t believe what they saw. It was our step mom – Patanjali atta noodles. She was passing snide comments on Maggi. How dare she? After showering Patanjali Noodles with a series of curses, we went away.
Then I heard the FSSAI say Patanjali ayurvedic did not have approval for instant noodles prior to their launch. I danced in joy. However, Ramdev baba defended it saying – it is not required to get a product specific approval for launching atta noodles. As per FSSAI, noodles come under the “pasta category” for which it had a license and that Patanjali Ayurved was well within the law to launch the product. Till gels, face wash, shampoo even till spices it was alright. Instant noodles also? Common those are noodles for heaven sake. That’s the least we could ask to enjoy. Nothing herbal or with cures to diseases in it. Even a glimpse of happiness is now gone.
What is next? The morning paper will read:
“Baba Ramdev’s new launch overtakes Johnson & Johnson’s baby care products. Welcome, the new range of ayurvedic baby care products which will keep your baby in the arms of Ayurved forever?”
“Gone are the days of Airtel 4g. Welcome, Patanjali G. Fastest of all networks. Forget 4g, hello Pg?”
“Ayur jal- the purest herbal water with the ancient knowledge of Ayurved with each sip you take. This is water revolution or shall I say jal Kranti?”
I also heard Patanjali in thinking to venture into yoga wear to counter Nike & Puma. “Don’t wear cotton, don’t look for synthetic wear.. Especially for your skin. Wear ayurvedic!!”
I just can’t stop wondering how an ayurvedic car or let’s say an ayurvedic bike will look. No wonder soon in markets there will be ayurvedic frying pan and ovens too. Keeping all these fanatic ideation aside, I just want to conclude that Maggi will always be the mom no matter who steps into the picture.
We just want our Maa back. Just the way she was, she is.
For bans may come and bans may go, but “MA”ggi will stay here forever!