Unless you live in Mars, you have them. They come in all shapes and sizes – the good, the bad and the ugly. And then, the plain weird. Here are some varieties of weird neighbours that might cross your path at some point in your life. Stay prepared and stay happy!!
Oh I’m sure you’ve all encountered one of these at some point or the other! Those neighbourhood busybodies who can find nothing better to do with their time than training their binoculars at other people’s living rooms (or if it’s the more adventurous kind, their bedrooms)!
The Gossip Mongers
This is the type that barges into your home just when you were settling down for a nice little afternoon tea with your favourite book and then refuses to leave. They will insist on regaling you with the nitty-gritty details of the life of every person living within a 10-mile radius while simultaneously attempting to lure you into blurting out some of your own secrets, which they can then go and announce to the entire neighbourhood.
The Garbage Dumpers
There is no kind of neighbour more repulsive than those who compulsively insist on dumping all their garbage at your doorstep. Why they cannot carry their shit to the garbage van instead of making a present of it to unsuspecting residents, we couldn’t begin to fathom. However, this kind of neighbour needs to be put in their place ASAP. Next time they try to dump anything near your home, collect a plastic bag of rotten eggs and leave it by their bedroom window!
And then there are those neighbours – the ones who can never seem to stop screaming and shouting at each other at the top of their lungs. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you might even hear the sound of smashing furniture and shattering cutlery. Perhaps this is just their version of tough love, but you often wonder if the flat opposite yours was rented to a family or a drug cartel.
And if you are particularly out of luck, you might just end up with the local Grinch for a neighbour – that cranky old lady who tries to bite your head off every other day for playing rock music (in your own effing room) and disturbing the ‘peace’ of the neighbourhood. You hadn’t realised you’d rented a flat at a Buddhist Monastery until now.
The Over Eager
There are the nice neighbours. And then there are the SUPER nice neighbours! The neighbours that are SO NICE they almost make you miss the good ol’ Grinch. They are ready to help in every necessity (and even when there really is no necessity). They visit you twice daily to say hi, and refuse to leave once they have arrived, as they apparently enjoy your company a little too much. These are the neighbours who take the old biblical adage of ‘love thy neighbour’ a tad bit too seriously. Be careful, too much time in their company might just end up giving you diabetes!
And then there are these – the invisible neighbour. The only reason you know that they exist is because you see a newspaper being thrown into their balcony every morning – somebody must be paying for those, right? But for all intents and purposes, they might as well have been a ghost. You do not see them enter or leave the apartment, nor do you ever hear a peep out of their living quarters. You have heard long-forgotten legends of the Great Recluse around the neighbourhood but have never had the opportunity to see the great soul with your own two eyes. At this point, all we can do is hope and pray.