7 Symptoms of Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

Arsh
By Arsh
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Understanding the dynamics of a family affected by narcissism is pivotal. A narcissistic mother can instill behaviors and patterns in her children that may be problematic from a young age.

This influence is particularly strong on daughters, who often look to their mothers as role models of femininity and self-worth. The repercussions of being raised by a narcissistic mother can be profound, affecting various aspects of life from self-perception to interpersonal relationships.

The first step in getting over any such issue is to recognize the symptoms of daughters of narcissistic mothers. In this article, we will explore the ways one can identify such a person, and also discuss how to get over these issues.

What are Narcissistic Mothers?


Narcissistic mothers often portray such qualities as craving for attention, lack of empathy, and selfishness1. These mothers tend to be jealous and competitive towards their daughters in most cases. In this regard, the child experiences various psychological issues caused by constant monitoring and stress.

To better comprehend what a daughter might experience with an NPD mom, one must consider the personality traits associated with this disorder. For purposes of this discussion, narcissism refers to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)2 that involves long-standing patterns of grandiose behavior (either in fantasy or actuality), cravings for excessive praise and compliments, and no concern about the welfare of others.

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On the other hand, individuals suffering from NPD tend to think highly of themselves and consider themselves superior to others making it necessary for them to be flattered at all times. They dream up scenarios where they have limitless success power dominance brilliance beauty, perfect love. These daydreams provide a backdrop for how this mother interacts with her children.

  • In relationships where they exploit their daughters, narcissistic mothers view their kids as a part of them rather than individuals independent from them.
  • However, on some occasions, the mother does not accept that the girl has emotional or psychological needs leading to boundary issues.
  • Other times, these narcissistic mothers may feel jealous towards their daughters or believe their children are envious of them.

There is also an apparent need to look perfect and associate only with those considered to have status while devaluing others who do not meet such standards. Thus, being an attitude that can translate into unrealistic expectations by a mother toward her daughter’s performance to serve as validation for herself among peers.

This lack of empathy is very detrimental since it makes the mother oblivious to her daughter’s needs and emotions. This inconsiderate attitude may as well include a lack of respect for the daughter’s personal boundaries, privacy, and self-determination.

Besides, narcissistic mothers manipulate their daughters’ minds through different ways such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or acting like victims to control them and their homes. Therefore, this creates a confusing and unstable atmosphere for the offspring.

daughters of narcissistic mothers
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Nonetheless, it should be remembered that these characteristics can only imply a trend consistent with NPD; an accurate diagnosis can only be made by a qualified mental health professional. Furthermore, not all difficult or troubled parent-child relationships involve narcissism nor do any behaviour by a mother with narcissistic tendencies necessarily qualify her for NPD according to clinical criteria.

Focusing on leaving the home stage during childhood, this chapter demonstrates how being raised by a narcissistic mother affects adult survivors throughout their lifetime.

Survivor adults’ self-esteem, emotional regulation, and relationship patterns are shaped while growing up under narcissistic mothers. Daughters of narcissistic mothers might face problems related to their assertiveness and self-value or cutting themselves off from the constant search for approval from an absent parent who provides conditional validation alone.

Growing up with narcissistic moms can be tough and often causes lasting mental damage. The daughter has to go through various stages of development according to her mother’s needs and demands thus she might end up not knowing herself anymore.

7 symptoms of daughters of narcissistic mothers

Here, let us take a look at the seven key symptoms of daughters of narcissistic mothers.

1. Low self-esteem

  • Daughters of narcissistic mothers often have doubts about their value and abilities.
  • They may feel defective or undeserving of love and respect, emotions that come from decades of being unapproved or loved only conditionally.
  • Low self-esteem in daughters of narcissistic mothers is a whole problem that has many forms.

Therefore, making the girl’s achievements or traits either invisible or repeatedly damaged due to the mother’s compulsive need for validation, this criticism serves as food for reinforcing her worth at the expense of the daughter’s confidence.

As a result, daughters of narcissistic mothers may grow up with a skewed sense of success or worthiness, believing they are valuable only if their actions correspond to their mother’s unattainable expectations or serve as her emotional crutch. Thus, it does not provide children with a solid ground for feeling good about themselves since they start doubting who they are whenever the parental figure is disappointed in them.

Still, there is no genuine empathy or understanding shown by narcissistic mothers to their children making them feel unseen or misinterpreted. When a child does not get acknowledgment from people responsible for taking care of him then his emotions become worthless.

This leads to situations where instead of expressing herself; the daughter represses her feelings and ideas so as not to arouse her mother’s anger or disapproval because she feels attacked or criticized by her mom when she gets angry due to her psychological condition (narcissism).

For that reason, when she always prioritizes her mother’s emotions over hers; this might lead to inadequate development of the daughter’s sense of self.

There could also be comparisons made by narcissistic moms between their daughters and other siblings or any other children that can further lower one’s self-esteem. Therefore, she may think that whatever she does, she can never be good enough in such areas as education, working life, or relationships.

Similarly, in social situations, daughters of narcissistic mothers may struggle to maintain peer relationships as they are not able to articulate themselves due to a lack of confidence or because they are concerned about what others think about them. These individuals also tend to relationships that follow similar patterns to those they had with their mothers where they look for partners or friends who are overly critical or controlling.

2. Unhealthy Relationships

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  • In this case, learning in a person’s home would be the same as when they become adults.
  • For example, her daughter may end up in relationship that resembles her relationship with her mother where her needs are ignored.
  • She may have difficulties expressing herself or picking up on any warning signs from her partners.


This is important knowledge since daughters of narcissistic mothers tend to repeat some patterns in their adult relationships3. Daughters raised by narcissistic mothers suffer during their formative years and develop strange beliefs about love, trust, and personal space which ultimately lead them into unhealthy relationships later on.

Such daughters can unknowingly involve themselves with men who possess some of their mothers’ traits such as being self-absorbed, lacking empathy, and having manipulative tendencies. While it is harmful, this familiarity can appear soothing because it replicates the only instance of affection and communication that they have ever encountered. Besides, these women might be more inclined to look over toxic behavior from their significant others due to the assumption that these dynamics are normal for them.

They will likewise fail to establish solid boundaries if raised by a narcissistic mother. For instance, when throughout childhood a daughter’s emotional needs were either always disregarded or punished she may grow up convinced that she does not matter and neither do her feelings. Consequently, girls might also find it hard to assert themselves in relationships due to fear of rejection or confrontation whenever they make requests.

Also, the daughter could have learned that love is about performing well or being submissive. Thus, she could enter into relationships where she has to do things to feel loved by him; hence trying too hard to please instead of putting herself first at all times. Additionally, it becomes harder for such individuals suffering from low self-esteem issues to believe that there could be someone out there who loves them unconditionally.

Furthermore, the daughter may have acquired an association between love and success or obedience. Therefore, she may involve herself in intimate relations where she has to act out to receive affection and endorsement from the partner; thus striving for her good at the expense of herself. In addition, such self-esteem problems can exacerbate this issue as the person finds it difficult to believe that there could be someone who loves them unconditionally.

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Daughters may have a different perspective on control and independence within a relationship than it is. For instance, if as a child you had a mother who was narcissistic and controlled everything about your life you might either retain that characteristic in your relationships or go after partners who possess you just like her because this is what love means to you.

3. Lack of Trust

  • Trust could also be lacking among daughters of narcissistic mothers both in themselves and others.
  • Children exposed to manipulation and gas-lighting usually doubt their judgment and are hesitant about depending on their partner’s truthfulness.
  • Conversely, they might put too much trust in someone who treats them well even if it is just a little bit as they long for unconditional love that was not provided by their mothers.


There is a high probability that daughters of narcissistic mothers will have to engage in extensive self-analysis at some point through counseling4. Through counseling, patients can create an environment in which they can go back into their past traumas, understand what the past means for their present life patterns and get help in developing better relationships.

Through this kind of support, these girls start taking care of themselves and their emotions thereby producing more respectful boundaries in regards to them while being sincere with others.

4. Emotional Manipulation

  • Girls who were manipulated may feel uncertain about their feelings and judgments.
  • They might end up feeling guilty about how they treat their mother due to the guilt and manipulation they face.
  • Daughters with narcissistic mothers often experience various forms of emotional manipulation that may affect them deeply about trusting their emotions or beliefs5.
  • This includes gaslighting where the mother negates the daughter’s reality to make her doubt her memory or sanity. Alternatively, it comes as guilt-tripping where a daughter is made to believe that she is responsible for her narcissistic mother’s happiness or good health.
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Most importantly, such experiences made daughters feel like their feelings were only valid if they fit within the confines of what their mothers wanted. As a result, daughters are constantly doubting themselves over time and attach excessive importance to others’ opinions because they have been taught not to trust themselves even in minor decisions.

A narcissistic mother could manipulate emotion by generally dismissing it and mocking it in her daughter particularly if those emotions challenge her self-image or authority. Thus, daughters begin suppressing emotions early on and later struggle with identifying and expressing feelings as adults. Consequently, such repression contributes to anxiety disorders alongside depression rendering someone emotionally not prone.

Moreover, this behavior seen from daughters having a narcissistic mother could harm relationships outside the family unit. They tend to attract people who exploit them since they are used to manipulation in their lives. They might also find themselves manipulating others like the way they were treated not out of malice but just because that is how they learnt to behave with other people.

Surviving this kind of manipulation entails re-establishing confidence in personal emotions and judgments through therapeutic intervention which aids in exploring the effects of upbringing on current life functioning among daughters. Therapy can teach such individuals methods for creating boundaries around them recognizing manipulative behaviors set up by mothers plus developing an identity that stands apart from mothers.

5. Continual Self-Doubt

  • When one lacks confidence, it becomes hard for them to make decisions.
  • The decisions made by the daughters of narcissistic mothers might be affected by their lack of trust in their ability to choose since these kids’ opinions are always belittled as they grow.


Narcissistic mothers always leave their daughters with a constant feeling of inferiority complex, caused by a situation where even their simple choices were questioned or belittled as children. Therefore, this unceasing undermining results in an intense resistance to trusting one’s judgment, even about everyday matters.

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Consequently, they cannot make any decisions either big or small without overanalyzing, as they fear criticism and disapproval which was experienced in their childhood with their mothers. This may also result in imposter syndrome6 where they believe that they have not achieved what they have and sooner or later others will discover it.

Moreover, because of this uncertainty, the daughter is likely to avoid risks or opportunities that can lead her to success but at the same time expose her to criticism thus hindering personal growth and fulfillment. Hence, if they want to overcome this; they should develop internal validation rather than looking outwards for approval.

6. Insecurity And Fear

  • The nature of performance love means that a girl may be scared that she will get less love or will be deserted because love is so easily commoditized.
  • In many ways, this can make her feel unsafe particularly when it comes to forming close bonds with others

As a result, these women tend to believe that love has conditions attached to it whereby the girl must satisfy certain needs of her narcissistic mother including emotional support while maintaining standards that are good for the mother. In turn, it creates anxiety related to abandonment since they think that love is not given freely but earned hence making them afraid of being left alone when people around them realize how little it took to lose them.

This leads to the daughters of narcissistic mothers becoming hyper-vigilant in relationships and constantly seeking reassurance while grappling with trust issues. It also makes them engage in appeasement behaviors trying hard not to offend the other person and putting the interests of others ahead of theirs. This results in a dependence cycle and low self-esteem where the child believes that she only has importance when others treat her well.

Overcoming this insecurity means realizing that one is intrinsically worthy irrespective of whether external validation is received or not and practicing self-compassion. They therefore have to develop resistance to rejection as they build a consistent self-image not based on what others perceive about them.

7. People Pleasing

  • The tendency to prioritize other people’s needs over one’s own could be because children attempt to pacify their narcissistic mothers7.
  • Afterwards, it can become an attitude of neglecting personal welfare to avoid conflicts or gain appreciation from someone else.
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Adaptive responses that allowed her survive in an environment where her needs were ignored or punished underlie most daughters’ people-pleasing behaviors towards narcissistic mothers. In many instances, these girls discovered that doing everything possible for their mother even if it meant sacrificing themselves was the best way of earning little love or support. Through time, this pattern of behavior tends to be deeply ingrained into their lives and relationships extending long after the stage where they were teenagers trying to live up to their mother’s expectations.

However, they often tend to ignore their own needs, interests, and self-care to please others. This may lead to fatigue, fury, and inability to identify themselves as posited by Colette Dowling (1981). Furthermore, such people tend attracting partners who exploit this vulnerability thus creating an inequitable relationship that is unsatisfactory.

Trying Hard to Create Healthy Boundaries between Oneself and Others

One should be aware of his or her limits for the sake of his or her well-being. Nonetheless, it may be challenging for daughters who had narcissistic mothers because in the process of growing up, they did not know what it meant when their boundaries were violated.

One should be aware of his or her limits for the sake of his or her well-being. However, for narcissistic mothers’ daughters, this can turn out to be a challenge because in most cases they are unable to associate with the intrusion into their boundaries.

The daughters of narcissistic mothers might have poor borders leaving space for exploitation from people around them while at times ensuring that no emotional harm gets its way into them. It is about constructing boundaries which is a significant step towards emotional healing which requires knowing oneself better and often seeking professional therapy or even group support. All efforts made outside should promote self-care, honor, and emotional safety.

How to Overcome the Symptoms of Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

Read Up

Knowledge is power. When girls understand narcissism, it puts things into perspective and starts a healing process.

Seek Input & Help

Support groups work under “no one walks alone.” Friends, support groups, and mental health professionals can share insight as well as offer encouragement.

Establish Healthy Boundaries

Drawing lines helps personal growth and prevents further damage in life generally. One should respect their boundaries to start developing healthy relationships.

Develop Personal Identity

Being released from that narcissistic mother means defining your very self. This means trying out personal hobbies without your mother speaking behind your back.

Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations

An unrealistic life that is replaced with a healthier and more genuine one. Ditched for not being attainable.

Prioritize Taking Care of Yourself

Regular self-care activities can restore equilibrium and build resistance. A person can engage in self-care by involving oneself in things such as physical exercises, meditation, or hobbies that manifest self-dignity.

Consider Seeking Support from a Trauma Therapist

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Counseling may be required where trauma has a history in the person. Narcissistic abuse carries certain consequences requiring specific therapies for recovery.

Foster Self-Compassion

Girls brought up by narcissistic mothers often indulge in self-criticizing themselves harshly because they believe they deserve their predicaments, due to fragile self-esteem. Therefore, speaking kindly to oneself helps to grow love within during personal growth whereas practicing compassion towards oneself leads to positive nurturing inner monologue development.

Encourage Boundaries with a Narcissistic Mother

It may be hard but there is a need to establish where the line should be drawn between a daughter and her mother who is a narcissist if she wants to be independent again. Without developing her judgment, it will be very difficult to overcome the symptoms of daughters of narcissistic mothers8.

Conclusion

Identification of the seven symptoms of daughters of narcissistic mothers is the first step in making progress toward recovery. A difficult childhood under narcissistic parents might be difficult to overcome, but slowly building healthy relationships, setting boundaries, and recognizing your own needs is the first step to moving past the emotional abuse.

Sources

  1. Love, Sidney, and Yonata Feldman. “The disguised cry for help: Narcissistic mothers and their children.” Psychoanalytic Review 48.2 (1961): 52. ↩︎
  2. Pincus, Aaron L., and Mark R. Lukowitsky. “Pathological narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder.” Annual review of clinical psychology 6 (2010): 421-446. ↩︎
  3. McBride, Karyl. Will I ever be good enough?: Healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers. Simon and Schuster, 2008. ↩︎
  4. McBride, Karyl. Will I ever be good enough?: Healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers. Simon and Schuster, 2008. ↩︎
  5. Määttä, Marju, and Satu Uusiautti. “‘My life felt like a cage without an exit’–narratives of childhood under the abuse of a narcissistic mother.” Early child development and care 190.7 (2020): 1065-1079. ↩︎
  6. Breeze, Maddie. “Imposter syndrome as a public feeling.” Feeling academic in the neoliberal university: Feminist flights, fights and failures (2018): 191-219. ↩︎
  7. Boicich, Bianka. Not Your Mother’s Doll: Effects of Maternal Narcissism on Daughters. Diss. Saint Mary’s College of California, 2017. ↩︎
  8. Alderete, Hannah. Break Free from Narcissistic Mothers: A Step-By-Step Workbook for Ending Toxic Behavior, Setting Boundaries, and Reclaiming Your Life. Simon and Schuster, 2022. ↩︎

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By Arsh
22, Calcutta. Bachelor of Arts in Sociology. Living life one day at a time and writing about it. When I'm not, you can find me at the gym.
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