Dear Mistress, Thank You for Cheating!

Dear Mistress, Thank You for Cheating! 1

When people take their marriage vows, they promise to be faithful to each other and to be with each other till “death do us part”. Sadly, this doesn’t turn out to be very true in quite a few marriages. Marriages break up for a lot of reasons, but cheating is one of the most major reasons. Why? Everyone who has been cheated on has dealt with their cheating spouse in a different manner. The story of how this woman dealt with her cheating spouse is, however, unheard of.loooooool

Melanie, who found out that her husband was cheating on her after 11 years of marriage and two children, wrote this sass-filled letter to her husband’s mistress.

“THANKS Jennifer
For leaving bite marks all over my husband’s chest last night.
No, really, Thank you! You have no idea what a nightmare you have just saved me and my kids from.

To reward you for your services I am offering you my husband for keeps. Should you accept your prize please note the following rules.ali

  1. You are going to have to financially support him. I say this because we have 2 children together (but you knew that) which means that he will have to give up a sizable chunk of his pay to support them in the manner they deserve. Please keep in mind that since he has kept me a stay at home Mom for the better half of the last 11 years he will also be paying me alimony. So forget about his money honey cause it’s mine!

  2. You will have to provide him with new attire. You see after he stepped from our (now mine) shower this morning dripping wet and naked is when I discovered your little “love bites”. It just so happened that at that EXACT moment a giant black hole appeared in my home and devoured almost all of his clothing. Therefore, he will come to you almost naked (lucky you). The bright side is that you can dress him any way you want. Go nuts and buy him a leash and some vinyl attire or a cute little dress while you’re at it.


  3. You will have to give him up every other weekend. This time will be set aside for his visits with his children. Since he openly admitted (in front of several people) that you are just “some dumb drunk” that he met at a “tweakers” house you will be banned from these visits for fear of my children’s safety. Just so you know, that is also going to be the reason to have his visits limited (if not supervised). After all, WTF was HE doing at a “tweakers” house in the first place?

  4. You will not be having a proper sex life. Yes, I know that you didn’t make love to him last night. Since his back injury 4 years ago his manhood hasn’t worked right. Too bad for you because before that it was THE BEST SEX EVER and we made love all the time! By the way, No it CANNOT be fixed. It’s nerve damage, sweetie, deal with it!

  5. You will NOT return him to me. I will NOT have him. He messed up when he touched you! I was a good wife to him and he had a good thing going on here. Don’t be surprised if you don’t live up to me because you won’t and he will make you miserable for it!


  6. He will blame you for ALL of this. He told me, with tears in his eyes, that you giggled to him “I hope your wife sees that.” I don’t know if you said it or not. I don’t really care. However, just in case you did, your wish came true. I did see it, and he’s pissed. He’s so mad that you made that comment that when I punched him in the eye he apologized to me! Yes, I know violence is wrong and, to be honest, I’ve never hit anyone before. However, I am not sorry that I did and if I could have that moment back I would have simply aimed lower!


  7. This one isn’t really a rule, more like a friendly warning. I will make sure to take up as much of his time with the pettiest things I can find to spite you. I will make it my hobby to hurt him and you the same amount my kids are hurting right now. Please be aware that he will take it, he will deal with it for years with a smile. I was with him for 12 years, I know him better. Yes, I do feel completely justified in my actions. Just in case, you were wondering. 

So Thank you, Jennifer,
the dumb drunk from the tweakers house who left bite marks on my husband’s chest last night,
for showing me that 11 years and 2 children were no match for you! I applaud you on a man well won.


sassEvery woman or man who has ever been cheated on should learn something from Melanie! No one should ever go back to a cheater as they don’t deserve you at all. So to everyone who has ever been cheated on, please remember one thing. You can do way, way better!

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