You might have wondered how to change your mindset and thoughts about sex and other people. It seems like you try hard to control but perverted thoughts just keep coming back again and again. Well, you should first understand what does the word pervert mean and then you can find ways of how to stop being a pervert.
What Does a Pervert Mean?
A pervert means someone who shows gratuitous sexual desires in another person. This is a form of behavior that targets solely the physical features of other people and certain objectionable desires and, fantasies that are unacceptable to society. This includes invading someone’s personal space in a sexual way, passing unsolicited sexual comments that might make someone uncomfortable, and focusing only on the physical relationship with a person.
You may feel ashamed and guilty for the thoughts that keep crossing your mind. You might be confused as the thoughts are right or in a way wrong. So, firstly, it is important to know how a pervert behaves and then you can go through the ways as to how to stop it.
Characteristics of a Pervert:-
- Too much inappropriate touching
- Driving every conversation toward sex
- Flashing private parts out of nowhere
- Passes weird and inappropriate comments
- Sends perverted texts
- Way too much touchy
- Disrespectful of other’s limits
How to Stop Being a Pervert?
If the thought of you being perverted has ever crossed your mind and you feel ashamed and guilty about it but no matter how much you try, you are not able to control your sexual thoughts and desires, here are certain ways that might help you from being perverted.
Distract Your Mind
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Distraction is the key. When you feel that you are constantly getting driven towards sexual thoughts, you should find a way to distract your mind from it. It might happen that you see a beautiful woman and you start feeling sexual desires towards her, you should immediately think about something else like your work to-do list or a movie or some story. If you are talking to someone and start having perverted thoughts about them, you should instead focus on the words that they are saying or you can even actively participate by asking them questions related to the topic or you may even share your views. This will engage your mind and not allow it to wander somewhere else.
You can even distract yourself by engaging yourself in some sort of activity that will have your complete attention. You can talk to your friends, read a book, or even explore some fun activities with your guys so that you fill up your mind with healthy thoughts and stay away from the perverted way of thinking.
Stop Consuming Porn
You might have noticed that when you spend hours consuming porn, you can not help but start thinking about sexual pleasure and sexual fantasies and, desires about private parts of women to such an unhealthy extent that it seems wrong. It heightens your arousal and there are only sexual thoughts in your head now. So, you have to create certain boundaries and cut out all forms of adult stuff, be it any images, videos, or magazines. It might seem challenging at first but you will have to trust the process and try to make it less of a temptation.
You can also limit certain social media activities to stop perversion. If you follow a particular Instagram page or a magazine that shows beautiful women and men with fewer clothes on their bodies that provoke wrong sexual feelings and fantasies in your mind, you can just unfollow those pages and it will stop featuring on your feed.
Start Appreciating Personality and Not Just Looks
You might notice that when you come across women, certain perverted acts and desires come to your mind; mostly it’s the desire to undress them and imagine a sexual act with them. You might have felt the same for certain female friends or a respected female figure in your life as well and you absolutely hate the thought of it. You need to understand that women are not an object and you need to think about their consent as well. She might be beautiful but she also has a personality and she is someone’s daughter, someone’s wife, and someone’s sister. The least she can expect is sexual harassment.
There is a difference between finding someone attractive and having only sexual attraction and intentions toward them. The moment you start objectifying someone in your head, shift your thoughts to something else and this way, it will be easier for you to respect girls.
Do Not Make Sexual Comments or Ask Personal Questions
It is a creepy and perverted behavior to make a girl feel uncomfortable walking down the street or catcalling girls in a public setting. Avoid touching private parts of a person when in any social gathering, just to fulfill your sexual desire. These are against the moral standards of the world and most people will consider it nothing but sexual harassment and this may often lead to unnecessary consequences in your life.
Stop talking about sex and asking inappropriate questions about sex with people who are disinterested and learn to have some boundaries. It is a shame if you do it with your female friends as well and this is completely an unexpected behavior. Ask respectful and friendly questions like “How has your day been?’ or “Any plans this weekend?” or “You look great today!” not inappropriate questions like “What size do you wear?” or “What’s your body count?”. This behavior might offend them and they will never look at you the same.
Stop Invading Someone’s Personal Space
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You should not forget that most people do not like their personal space getting invaded. Hence, you should not make them feel bad by touching them in a sexual way and speaking to them in a perverted way that makes them feel uncomfortable. You have to stop treating the person as an object, for example, consider their feelings and give them the freedom to move around freely and not feel excruciating by your presence.
Try to maintain your distance while talking to them and do not say a word that makes them awkward. Maintain healthy boundaries with that person and don’t be too touchy.
No means No
In reality, most people do not know how to take a ‘no’ as an answer, and it’s a shame for society. You should understand that even if you are in a relationship, you cannot impose your body on that person. The person has an equal say in the bed and it’s very important to put her consent first and then engage in sexual activities with that person. Sex is not something that should be done forcefully with a person because her desires and pleasure are also important.
Even outside relationships, you should accept a ‘no’ with grace and not let it affect you. Someone might turn you down for a date or casual sex or hookup and you need to understand that’s alright and totally normal because that person might not want the same thing as you do and it does not make you unworthy either. Do not seek sex every time you are in a relationship as it may eventually make the person feel used, instead seek true feelings and decide to start fresh with that person.
Embrace Healthy Sexuality
Healthy sexuality means doing something or taking certain steps that make you feel healthy and sexually fulfilled without having any feelings of shame and guilt for yourself. While you are trying to work on your thoughts, it’s important that you should not cut off all sexuality from your life. It is not realistic to completely get rid of sexual thoughts but you can learn how to control your behavior.
Make a note of what healthy sexuality is and what unhealthy sexuality is for you. Think about the things that make you feel good and normal and the things that give you shame and guilt. Forget what has happened in the past, take sex as a normal thing and not something that leads to perversion, and, make positive changes in your life. If needed, talk to someone or express sexuality in a positive way and embrace it.
Maintain your humor
Life throws a lot of challenges in our life but it’s on us as to how we overcome it. A pervert may make some sexual jokes in the disguise of being funny but it may not be funny and be really disrespectful to someone. This often happens when you treat a woman as an object and you feel it’s absolutely alright to make certain jokes but the truth is that it’s not. If you find a joke that may make someone really uncomfortable, be it any friend, any co-worker, or someone really close to you, learn to keep it to yourself.
Try Not To Augment Other People’s Opinions About You
Some people may consider you a pervert or even try telling you that you are a pervert because they did not like a certain act or behavior from your side. Note that certain things can not be considered normal and you can get into trouble for that. For instance, you should make sure that you avoid making sexual gestures, sending sexual messages and inappropriate pictures or porn to other people, and talking about sex in inappropriate situations.
You should also maintain decency in public places, for example, touching and exposing your private parts in public and even touching others in an unwelcoming way.
Learn to Take Responsibility For Your Actions
If you have ever screwed up in the past and completely denied it or did not take any responsibility for it, then time to change it now. Remember that every action has a reaction to it and people may not like your body language or get offended by something you say. It’s your responsibility to not ignore it and understand from their perspective. If needed, maintain your distance and be mindful of your words.
These are certain ways how you can stop having thoughts of perversion and enact new changes in your life. However, there are certain changes that you need to implement in your life for a better and healthy lifestyle.
Confront Guilt and Shame
You first need to realize which actions of yours result in guilt and shame. It is healthy when you recognize these feelings because this is the only way you can learn to control them. If you have hurt or touched someone in a sexual way or you have sexual thoughts about someone, you are not supposed to have, then you need to sit back and understand these emotions first. Confront the situation, correct it, and train your mind in such a way that you never tend to do such things that is resulting to guilt inside you.
In the same way, recognize when you feel ashamed of yourself. Notice what evokes it, is it porn or any magazine, or extreme masturbation? The sooner you recognize it, the sooner you will be able to work on it. Once you have decided how you feel about those actions, you can implement certain ways to stop them. Work on that and soon you will realize that you can undergo certain positive changes without having any feeling of shame.
Personal Changes
Talk to Your Friends
You should always talk to your friends and share with them what you are going through as they can help you and support you in your journey. Talk freely about your sexuality with your close circle. The more you spend alone and keep things to yourself, the more weird thoughts are going to get into your head, so do not hesitate to send them a text message, have conversations, and explore fun activities with them.
Choose Your Company Wisely
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Make sure that you don’t surround yourself with people who encourage you in being a pervert. They should not entertain your perverted thoughts and if you are in such a group of friends, you should limit the interactions with them and choose better company. For instance, people around you should not be stressful but beneficial for you. It will reduce your stress. If they discuss a certain topic that does not add value to your life or in fact, negatively affect you, then ask them to not continue it in your presence.
Go to a Therapist If Needed
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If you feel like you are not able to stop thinking like a pervert or have any normal thoughts, then do not shy away from going to a therapist. Remember that is a free space to share your thoughts that you cannot openly say to the world and no one is going to be judgemental. In fact, the therapist can help you with body positivity and focusing your mind on healthy things.
Learn How to Deal With Stress
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The more you deal with stress, the more you tend to attract negativity in your real life. To deal with it, you need to start exercising or engage yourself in fun physical activities. You can take a gym membership, do yoga or even go for a walk. You can also explore fun activities with your friends like trekking or going outside to have food or even a game night. This will keep your mind engaged with happy and positive thoughts.
Final Note
I agree that if you are a young man whose hormones are at their peak resulting in a very high sex drive, it won’t be easy but it is definitely not impossible. You need to understand that perversion can cause issues in not only your personal life but your professional life as well and mess up relationships. Therefore, you should distract your mind from negative thoughts and make some changes in your life which will help you grow personally and become a better person.
FAQs
1. Why do I have so many perverted thoughts?
Well, you should understand that it’s okay to have certain dirty thoughts and have your imagination go wild when you see someone especially if you are young and hormonal levels are at its peak but you should also know to limit those thoughts when they can affect yourself and others as well. Accept it, shift your attention to something else, and move on.
2. What results in perversion?
Watching too much porn and adult content leads to excess masturbation which leads to perversion. Your brain automatically starts processing those thoughts for sexual pleasure and you may see people as sexual objects but you can limit it by consuming less adult stuff.
3. How do I start my journey of stopping perversion?
You can start with doing yoga and meditation. It helps you in calming your mind and controlling your thoughts. You can even start exercising daily and explore other fun activities to keep your mind occupied with healthy thoughts. You can even start journaling so that you can report your progress.
Last Updated on by kalidaspandian
