It is believed that fasting once a week helps to cleanse our bodies. But I also believe that staying awake once a week or once a month cleans my mind and makes me fresh.
We spend most of our time achieving some of the other targets in life; to get good marks in school, achieving a rank in college, and completing work within the deadline. We compete against the clock and our society and push ourselves to the maximum potential to succeed. But meanwhile, we fail to understand our inner self, and we fail to care for ourselves. Most of us do things to make others happy, like our parents, our loved ones, society, friends, etc. But we have never cared about what we need. We forget about it. I feel that being nocturnal is the only way to realize everything about ourselves.
When I skip my sleep for a night, I can stay aloof. I won’t have any interruptions at home. There won’t be any TV shows to distract me, and I won’t receive any messages from my friends late at night. There won’t be the annoying noise of the car horns on the street, nothing. It’s completely going to be me and the night.
One cannot put down few things on paper, and they cannot be shared with friends. I recollect my memories of my close friends. I think about the people who were once very close to me in the past but are strangers to me today. I also wonder about people who were totally unknown to me in the past but are currently a reason to live in the present. Priorities change from time to time.
I try to find answers to some questions that I ask myself. When I don’t get the answers, I have a conversation with god. I ask God why he showed me people who won’t be a part of my life forever. Why should he cause me pain through their memories? I regret certain things that happened and ask God to undo them for me. I ask God why he made me face such situations and grant me my wishes.
But on this night, I also recognize all my faults and mistakes. I realize certain situations in life must be taken as a learning process. My fears and anxieties wake up only when half of the world is asleep. My future wishes haunt me at this time. No matter how hard I try, my heart never accepts that God has got something for me already. My mind forces me to doubt the plans that God has in store for me. I curse and cry a lot to God. I put all my fears, concerns, and my dilemma unto him. There is turmoil between my mind and my heart. When one of them says a ‘YES,’ the other would say a big ‘NO.’
But at the dawn of the next day, I surrender to him, asking for a new day with a good hope!
Don’t you too have your night alone??