St. Jerome, a famous historian and Theologian once quoted, “The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart.”
When a person get’s angry, the response of the body to the stressful stimuli cause people to act or behave in a different way or style. To cope with the sudden rush of adrenaline, the body blood pressure and heart rate increases.
Have you ever felt the following:
You see, hear or feel something which according to you is not right. Your mind starts talking to you, giving you all these ideas on why this is happening with you and defending you by making you believe you don’t deserve this at all. That gives rise to frustration and rage.
Most of the time, anger or rage is formed even before the person realizes,and to conquer it becomes so more difficult because the body could only react to the emotions. The control is already lost. Then guilt follows. Questions like why did I get angry, Was it necessary, What was I thinking sweeps through your mind. And negative emotions take over even after anger subsides.
The good news is, this body rituals can be neutralized. You don’t have to be a slave to these negative emotions, but it requires effort, honest effort. First of all you have to acknowledge the fact that anger cannot be eliminated. Anger, being a fundamental emotion can break out anytime as the world around is unpredictable. All you can do and need to do is to change the way you are affected through such events. Therefore controlling your angry responses through proactive actions may keep you from making yourself and others unhappy in the longer run.
The most effective way to prevent anger is to identify it and end it before it gets out of control. Fortunately for us, our body and actions can give us hints/cues that anger has started to form inside us. All we need to do is to focus.
- Physical – Rapid increase in heart beat, increase in blood pressure, tensing of muscles, increased sweating.
- Behavioral – Our behavior with others when we are feeling frustrated, clenching of muscles and jaws, raising one’s voice, furrowing our brow, excessive staring etc.
- Emotional – Accompanying the rising anger are feeling of insecurity, helplessness, frustration, shame and guilt.
- Thought and feelings – Our thoughts are the ignition engine for anger. If anger is accompanied with ‘Self-talk’ with disturbing mental visuals and images or unnecessary comparison with previous incidents, it will have a negative impact.
- Fantasizing – Dreaming or fantasizing about taking revenge on someone who is perceived as an enemy can escalate the anger.
Tips to Prevent Anger
Why am I getting angry now? The realization of why should be the first step. Is it because it grabs attention, is it because you feel less wanted or less important, or is it because anger makes you feel strong. Let me tell you, all these are myth. It’s not true.
During the time of anger, you can follow these steps:
- Be honest with yourself – Identify what is driving the anger, is it hurt, pain or fear. Once you know the reason, the focus falls on to the present moment and anger cannot survive without past or future.
- Say goodbye to Revenge thoughts & Stories – If they don’t serve you well, you don’t need those fantasies.
- ‘I’ am right to ‘We’ are right – Excess Self importance drives anger. The ‘I am right and you are wrong attitude’ attracts negativity and fuels up anger.
Ultimately no one can make you angry. It is entirely your decision to use anger as a response to a situation. So Don’t.