It must have happened that when you and your partner met each other for the first time, there were genuine and passionate feelings for each other both on an emotional and physical level. You were in a healthy and happy marriage with emotional intimacy and physical intimacy and could have never imagined that you will be in a loveless and sexless marriage. But now things have changed and if you are wondering how to survive a loveless sexless marriage, then there are certain things you can do to reconnect.
1. How to Survive a Loveless Sexless Marriage?
A loveless marriage can be really devastating because there is no sexual intimacy between partners and it eventually gives rise to a lot of relationship issues. Certain reasons that might lead to less sexual intimacy are:-
- If anyone of you is having low self-esteem.
- If there is a lack of sexual pleasure or low libido.
- If you are feeling a loss of emotional intimacy and connection with your partner and both of you do not happen to be on the same page.
- If any one of you is feeling trapped in the marriage and continuously blaming each other for this situation.
- If any one of you is insecure about your body.
- There is some kind of infidelity happening in the relationship, be it physical infidelity or emotional.
1.1. You Have to Communicate Properly With Your Better Half
Communication is the ultimate key to a healthy relationship and you have to initiate healthy communication with your partner to survive a sexless marriage. It might happen that you have not spoken freely with your partner about how you feel in your relationship or marriage.
Have you ever tried to talk with your husband about the issues that are building up in your head or stayed absolutely silent and let your resentment build up? There might be chances that something is bothering you like having any hurt feelings because of something your husband has done or it may also happen that he wants a new baby and you are not yet ready for it, or you do not like how is he in bed.
So, you need to possibly understand that there will be no benefit if you stay silent. You need to start talking for yourself and have healthy sexual communication with your partner. He might think that you are perfectly content in the relationship but you have to let him know if you are going through any of the relationship problems. Communicating your feelings properly with your partner will have a positive impact on your relationship and it will help to grow a strong emotional connection.
1.2. Take Charge of Intimacy
A happy wife means a happy life. If you are feeling that you are having a loveless sexless marriage, it’s time for you to spice up your sex life. Sometimes, the intimacy with your partner or spouse takes a toll if one partner is having health issues, financial stress, a breaking point in life, or a lack of privacy because of children or other family members.
If there is no healthy sex life and you are thinking about divorce, stop. Don’t rush if you feel that lack of sex is causing an unhappy marriage. Take charge in bed and learn what makes your husband or wife happy. Talk to them openly and get to know what excites and turns them on.
If you have been with each other for a long time, things might get monotonous. So, you will have to accept the reality and look for the long-lost passion. Initiate new moves and bring more sex into your life. If you want, you can even go for sex therapy and marriage counseling. Do anything you can to stay married if you genuinely care and want to protect your relationship.
1.3. Think of New Ways of Emotional Intimacy
Research shows that divorce happens when sexless relationships and sexless marriages end. Divorce also takes place when one partner loses feelings or that emotional connection. Sex is definitely important but what’s more important is the happiness of your partner. Relationships generally tend to break when there is no emotional intimacy.
So to make your wife or husband happy in a sexless marriage, start working on yourself. A healthy marriage is when both partners value and appreciate each other. Give your spouse compliments, take them away from local shelters, and arrange regular date nights. Many women love romantic dates by a beachside or a pool.
Let that passion and spark be alive between you both and this way, you can surely survive and move on from an unhappy marriage or a sexless relationship.
1.4. You Can Find Other Ways of Physical Intimacy in Relationships
People can go through a lot of issues in their lives, be it physical or emotional. Some people go through family issues while some go through certain physical issues. It might often happen that our partners tend to have issues in their lives but we fail to understand them.
If your partner is going through any health issues and is having a problem having intercourse, try to understand them. Try to accept the situation and stop thinking that the ultimate solution is a divorce. There are various ways of achieving orgasm without intercourse. Other ways that include physical intimacy are cuddling, kissing, and holding each other’s hands.
So, if you are in a sexless relationship, you can try the above-mentioned ways to boost that passion and spark. Sex is not always important to bring you and your spouse closer to each other.
1.5. Explain to Your Spouse How the Sexless Marriage is Affecting You
It might have happened that you tried to explain things to your spouse about why you are unhappy. You hope that things will get better and imagine certain things to keep that hope alive. But your spouse does not seem to take you seriously and you are ending up in an unhappy marriage.
You may even try to seek external validation but it may not be worth it. Instead, try sitting with your spouse, away from your kids, and try talking to him. Tell your spouse how a lack of sex and intimacy can affect your mood. Try to be honest with him and make him understand how much sex is important in your life as well.
It may sound counterintuitive to your spouse at first but an honest conversation about sex and your need for it will solve a lot of problems between you both. Being married does not mean sacrificing your sex life and you need to keep your priorities straight. This will make your husband know your expectations and you can easily survive a sexless marriage.
1.6. Talk to Someone About Your Situation
If you are in a sexless relationship, you won’t have to suffer alone. Just because you are a woman, it does not mean that you will have to keep shut and suppress your feelings. Some marriages do not work and lead to divorce. There is absolutely no shame in it.
If you are unhappy and planning for a divorce or confused about what to do, talk to someone close. Remember that a woman does not have to suffer alone. You can talk to your family or close friends. If there is a lack of sex in the relationship, feel free to communicate with any of your close people.
Sharing with a close person can benefit you as they will be able to understand the situation better from a third person’s perspective. They might be able to understand your situation and answer you correctly if you are confused or want any opinions. Support from a trusted friend will really help in lowering the psychological distress and lighten your heavy burdens.
1.7. Solve Trust Issues If You and Your Partner Have Any
If you are married for a really long time, then have there been any heartbreaks before? It might have happened that in the past, you or your partner have shown signs of infidelity. This is the reason, your wife or husband finds it difficult to trust you all over again. The reason is that they do not want to get hurt again.
If you think that the reason behind your sexless marriage is trust issues, you should waste no time and talk to your partner about it. If people are married for long, then marriages start getting monotonous sometimes and some people try to seek external validation. This leads to cheating physically or emotionally on your partner.
Most marriages do not work because of this issue. If your partner has got to know about your cheating before, then he or she might find it difficult to trust you physically or emotionally, leading to sexless marriage and divorce. Well, you can not blame your partner for it and you will have to work on winning your partner’s trust all over again.
If you want to survive a loveless and sexless marriage, you need to make your partner sit and talk to them. Tell them that you are guilty of your actions and that is something you will never repeat again in your life. Assure them and work on building trust again. Your partner will eventually understand if you put genuine efforts into fixing the relationship. This way, you can survive a sexless marriage.
1.8. Listen to Your Partners
If you are feeling that you are in a sexless marriage, you have to try your best not to take things personally. It often happens in a sexless marriage that either of the partners starts assuming stuff and takes everything upon themselves. They feel that something may be wrong in their bodies or appearance and that their partner no longer fancies them.
It is understandable that if you are in a sexless marriage, you feel too egoistic or emotional. Your emotions are at their peak, especially if you are a woman. Women generally tend to hide more sexual feelings in marriages. This is because the preferences and satisfaction of women are not taken into that much consideration, be it relationships or marriages.
You need to stop worrying about it and listen to your partners. There are possibilities that your better half is going through some stress or issues that are bothering them. So, you can choose to talk to them and take their feelings into consideration. This might clear a lot of doubts and confusions in marriages and you can survive a loveless and sexless marriage.
1.9. Consider Hygiene Important
Most people do not understand it but one of the main reasons for a sexless marriage is being unhygienic. Partners often tend to start getting too comfortable and start taking each other for granted. Getting comfortable with each other is totally fine but what is not fine is taking each other for granted.
Some people start putting less effort into their appearance and hygiene. They start getting into an unhealthy lifestyle, gaining a lot of unhealthy weight. Some people do not shower for days, stop brushing their teeth, do not take care of their genital health, and start appearing like that in front of their partners thinking that they should accept them in all ways.
No one is telling you that your partner should not accept you in thick or thin or ask you to become a supermodel. It’s just that, you can take care of your health, and be more hygienic and presentable as you were before when you first met your partner. You can even experiment with a new hairstyle or a new clothing item and turn up your charm for your partner.
These habits and experiments will not only make your partner feel that spark again. In fact, it will also make your spouse want you more and the sex life is going to be irresistible and exciting again. So stop not turning into a person that they think they never fell for. Instead, focus on yourself and give your partner reasons to love and be attracted to you more and more.
1.10. Think About Your Future
If you have been in a loveless and sexless marriage for a long, it might have been quite frustrating and heartbreaking for you. If you have tried everything in your control to fix the sexless marriage but things still do not seem to work for you, take a step back. You might have given it your all and communicated your feelings with your partner but your spouse do not seem to be understanding about it.
Your spouse might tell you that he has lost feelings or he does not feel like being physically intimate with you anymore. You can either stay like this in a sexless marriage or you can rethink your life decisions. You might need to take your future into consideration and think if this is what you wanted from your life.
Will you be happy just being in a friendly relationship with your spouse or do you need your life to be full of passion and excitement? The choice is totally yours. If you feel you cannot cater to the sexless marriage anymore, you can decide to part ways. You can choose to move on and find happiness in someone else if you feel like it.
If you are someone who has been in a sexless marriage for long, you need to change your mindset. Instead of thinking about how to survive a loveless and sexless marriage, you can try to spice up things. Talk to your partner, experiment in bed, go on lovely dates, and do everything to keep that spark alive.
You might have some really big decisions to make in your life. You can either choose to stay married and take therapy to keep the sex alive or you can choose to part ways. You have to take your own feelings into consideration and walk away if needed.
You need to understand your partner’s thoughts and feelings as well. On the other hand, if your spouse is taking absolutely no effort to let the sexless marriage survive and thinking of leaving you, it might be time for you to separate. Stop being gaslighted and remember to make decisions on your own.
1. Is it possible to recover sexless marriage ever?
Yes, it might be possible to recover from a sexless marriage. For that to occur, you and your spouse equally need to work on the relationship. You can communicate with each other and work on the issues together. This will lead to improvement in your relationship over time.
2. How can I stay satisfied in a sexless marriage?
If you are in a sexless marriage, there are other ways of having an orgasm other than just intercourse. You can take the help of oral sex, sex toys, or foreplay to satisfy each other.
3. What are going to be the consequences if I and my partner stop sleeping together?
The consequences of not sleeping together with your spouse can be harmful to your relationship. You will start feeling lonely and detached. Bedtime is very important for couples for a stronger physical and emotional connection.[amazon_auto_links id="280559"]