Sunday, August 1, 2021

How To Get Away With Poor Flirting.

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No. That’s not a question. It’s a training course. A training course that covers, I don’t know how many tips. The course isn’t exclusively for guys. If someone needs to be demeaned, it needs to involve both genders. So, here I am, teaching you, How to get away with poor flirting!

What are you waiting for now? Me? I’m not Christmas!

poor flirting

Rule number 1: Get a guitar, spikes, and books

The possession of any one of the above three makes you look nice. Any two of the three makes you charming, and having all of the three makes you irresistible. Now, everyone who somehow thinks that reading isn’t important is highly mistaken. Anyone who reads is smart, and any woman who’s ever seen Sherlock knows that smart is the new sexy (Not death. No no.).

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What happens when you don’t have these? If you don’t have spikes, you don’t get noticed in Delhi. If you don’t read good books, you don’t get noticed in Mumbai. If you don’t play the guitar, pray to bloody Mary because you don’t get noticed anywhere.

Rule number 2: Never gift clothes to a girl

Add a never ever ever to that. Yes, the kind that is in the Taylor Swift song. There is a very strong reason associated with that rule. You don’t give clothes to a girl because then she’ll hate you because she won’t have matching accessories. So, you give her shoes, lipstick, and nail paint so that she runs off and buys the prettiest dress that pleases her (And you. Of course, you.)tumblr_mer7r810EG1r2nmjyo1_500

Rule number 3: Don’t be annoying

That is a basic rule of all time for both the sexes. And somehow, everyone still ends up screwing it. It is simple. If you’ve never seen it, you don’t disagree with it. If you’ve never watched Star Wars, you don’t call it shit. If you’ve never listened to Adele, you don’t call her voice fat. If you’ve never watched football, you don’t call it a smelly game. And if you’ve never played chess, you don’t call yourself intelligent. The last part was offensive, but so is this entire article, so what the heck!

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Rule number 4: A guy’s brain is simple

You really might have a hard time believing that, but when they stare at a wall, they’re not thinking of ways to break up with you. But when girls are staring at a wall, they really are thinking of the ways to beat him to it. You can’t be dumped.

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That was a bit of silly relationship advice, but when you’re talking, and he chooses to smile and look down, he’s listening. He’s just too shy to admit that he finds you adorable because that’s what flirting is about in the first place.

Rule number 5: Approach

Always do that. Even if the other party is way out of your league, check your breath and go say, “Is your dad a terrorist? Because you are a bomb!” Actually, no, Im only joking; please don’t do that. Keep it simple, say ‘Hello’. Like from the other side? Or rather the outside? Make them believe you’re smart for at least 15 mins; they’re going to figure out that you’re a fool one day or the other.

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Rule number 6: Conversation

There is nothing in the world a few good sentences and opinions can’t achieve. If you have nothing in common, you talk. If you have something in common, you talk. If you can’t hold a conversation going with any random person in the world, you don’t deserve to flirt. God, no!

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Rule number 7: The signing off note

The signing off note says that all the 6 rules are bullshit. Nothing can happen unless you want it to happen. The article was meant to be insulting and offensive in every way possible because there are no rules to flirt with a man and a woman. Well, there are, but the only ones who go by them are the ones who’ve never had the courage to try anything else. It’s not being yourself, or having confidence, or having the right time, or the right person; it’s about liking a person at random and having a will to go and start a conversation with them. As long as you’re not creepy with it (I will write another article about 50 things that makes you a creep), it’s fine.

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So, please don’t come after me. I’m not Christmas. And I’m not interested.

Bye.

-Apurva Jain

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