(The writer is a girl who recently broke up with a boy. If you’re a boy and reading this, please swap the genders accordingly. Also, this is her own perception. Your views may differ.)
1. The day you break up
You don’t believe you broke up. You still feel that the two of you will get back together soon. You act like it’s a bad dream. Your brain still hasn’t accepted the fact that you actually did split up with the person who meant so much to you.
2. A week after you’ve broken up
You still feel that you will get back to him. And it starts sinking in that you won’t. There’s a lot of crying and unfamiliar pain. You want him back. You still like him, and you’re trying to win him over.
3. 2 weeks
The pain is familiar. But it hurts. Just hearing his name affects you. Seeing his new posts on Instagram makes you cry.
4. A month
You have accepted they aren’t coming back. But the pain hasn’t reduced. You’re not sure if you will ever move on. So it’s like you’re fine the entire day, you go around doing your normal chores, and suddenly you remember him, and you feel sad.
5. 2 months
You’re doing fine. You learn that you can live without him. You still think about him, though, and you always wonder what he would be doing. You wonder if he’s thinking about you. But you don’t think about him as often. You may think about him every day. But unlike earlier, you may think about him for a while and then be completely normal.
6. 3 months
You hear he’s with another girl. Your heart sinks for a moment. You probably think about him the entire day. You cry. You haven’t cried over him for so many days. But now you did. You remember how much he meant to you. And you’re sad. But if you’re smart, you realize that you should move on as well.
PS. It is alright to stalk the new girl, judge her, and ask your friends if she’s prettier than you.
7. 6 months
You don’t think about him as much. It hurts less. You’ve let go of him. You are not affected by any pictures of him and his girlfriend on his Facebook. You stalk him less often, like once in a month or so.
8. A year after the breakup
You will be at dinner with a new boy. His name is the same as your ex. But for the first time in a long time, your heart doesn’t ache. You’re happy with this new boy. You want to focus on him. He may smell the same as your ex did. But it doesn’t matter to you. I’m not saying your ex won’t cross your mind. He will. But only for a fraction of a second.
Girls, life isn’t about boys and dating. There’s more to it. So before jumping into things and making rash decisions, please slow down and ask yourself, do I see myself with this boy in ten years? If you do, then please go ahead and be with him. But if you don’t, then do not dare make your life about him. He’s not your life. He is a part of it. He may be a big part of your life or a small part. That’s for you to decide. But he is just a part. There’s more to your life. You have friends, family, and studies, and your career to focus on. Don’t allow one boy alone to create havoc in your life.
It’s okay to be sad. It’s fine if you break down and cry. Be sad for a week, for a month, for 6 months also. But after those 6 months, don’t ever look back. Move the hell on with your life.
There’s a reason why that person isn’t in your life anymore. They didn’t make it.
Also, I read this concept in one of John Green’s books:
There’s a reason why your ex is called an ex. It is because, just like the alphabet X, you and your ex once crossed paths. The middle point of the X is where you’ll meet. And after that, the relationship ended, and you’ll part ways and go on with your lives.
Please believe me when I say this to you, there’s way more to life than a boy. Work on yourself. Rather than sending immature texts, crying, and getting heartbroken, you’d rather work on yourself and focus on YOU.
Become the best version of yourself. Please don’t do it to prove to him that he lost out. Could you do it for yourself? Love yourself so much that no one can break you again. You don’t need someone else’s approval to feel beautiful.
I know when you break up with someone, you feel lonely. You miss getting those cute texts and phone calls and going out for movies and dinners. But understand one thing. And fix it in your head. Recite this a hundred times a day:
It’s not for the better. It’s for the best.
You can do this. Trust me, and you can do this. You’re going to pass through this shitty phase. You’re going to be successful if you focus on more important things in life. And you’re going to meet someone better. There will come a time when you won’t think about your ex anymore. Till then, trust life a bit more, and do not waste tears over someone who won’t even bother to check on you and see if you’re doing okay. There’s no point. Just respect yourself enough, accept the past and move the hell on.