How To Be More Selectively Social?
Who is a selectively social person?
In layman terms, being a selectively social person is who has a small circle, partial social distancing, or not being comfortable with everything or everyone, only having peers whom the frame of reference matches. A selectively social person, though it carries some common bedrocks with that of an introvert, a socially selective person differs from an introvert. The particular social theory is different from the method of introverts. Though, at times, the ideas are used interchangeably.
The theory of social selectivity
The social selectivity theory or socio-emotional theory by Carstensen explains the tendency to be socially selective, premising it on age. According to this theory, younger people are more likely to go for knowledge related goals, view life as open-ended, and progress with a spirit of exploration. In contrast, older people see time as limited and prioritize emotions the most and downplay knowledge-oriented ventures.
The socio-emotional theory also argues that these age-related tendencies to set goals are not fixed or static and but are in a state of flux. The future time perspective that the theory talks of suggests that it varies demographically and geographically. A young person can too value emotion-related goals than the knowledge related ones. One can evaluate the finitude of life at a very early stage, i.e., in the early stages of adulthood and engage in emotionally related activities or stick with emotionally close or available partners.
How to identify a selectively social person?
1. You cannot stand small talks.
If you are a selectively social person, then small talks like shaming someone or cheap gossips would be unbearable to you. You lose your comfort with such people who indulge in short conversations or be unable to gel with them at all.
2. You are choosy
The word “choosy” here can be used as a synonym for “selective.” You chose or precisely preferred being in such groups where the tuning of the mentality occurs well.
3. You are likely to be exhausted fast.
In a situation where you are unable to gel yourself with the people you are with, you are likely to get exhausted soon. You may give up on them and take to silence or tend to walk away when simply bored.
4. You choose not to be an open book
If you are selectively social, you keep things to yourself when you are with people you are uncomfortable. Instinctively, you fail to open up. This act of concealment is motivated by the fear of being judged by the people or avoid anything that possibly can be hurtful. You talk less
How is it to be a Selectively Social Person?
Society labels a socially selective person as weird or arrogant or unapproachable, whereas the case is not so. It is fine to be a socially selective person. You can even gain the reputation of being “odd.” Being socially selective does not make us a negative personality. A socially selective person is also a person with standards. Not the standards one requires to go out on a date or to hold a meeting but the ones to decipher how exactly to socialize.
However, self-awareness, in this case, is of great importance. Firstly, you need to determine that you are socially selective, that you cannot be competing with anyone or anywhere. You may end up in a dilemma regarding whether or not being socially selective is right or if it will be of any hindrance in your professional life. Hence, you must channelize the social selectivity systematically, which will make you approachable a person, and also, it will not affect your job or social life negatively.
There can be two kinds of socially selective people: positive and negative. If you are a person who draws a blank line in matters of getting along with people or in any kind of competency, then it is high time to set yourself on the right track.
When we are talking about being socially selective, we do not mean to learn to lock ourselves in a room, cut off all ties with the world, and binge watch tv series. This article wishes to explore how one can be socially selective in a healthy way. In a nutshell, we need to selective in ways that empower us.
Social selectivity catalog
Here are the things you need to know when it comes to be selectively social.
We experience a lot in life. May it is in the academic phases of life or working sectors; every event and incident is an experience. Experiences can both be sweet and bitter. Some experiences happen inevitably, while some come to us as consequences.
During the initial stages of our growth years, we seem not to wise enough to know what may lead to what. We may be carried away by something unhealthy without realizing or thinking about the repercussions. However, we also cannot disagree with the fact that it is our experience, both good and bad, which help us to grow into a better person later.
However, there is a ‘but’ to it. Not everyone is the same. This is where learning from our experiences comes into play. Our psychological stabilities, self-esteem, the ability to accept and reject differ from others and is never static. If we are weak today, then we can be strong tomorrow and vice-versa. Some people cannot bear any negative experience and are likely to be easily upset by any sort of bitterness. such a person is known as perturbable. And one can be aware of this drawback present within the self.
In such a case, it is suggested that decisions should be taken wisely so that there are not any unwelcome consequences once after the task is performed or the action is done. One should be a consequentialist i.e., to think about the consequences of an action before the acceptance of the undertaking.
This also applies to the ones who are strong and bold enough to face the difficulty of every kind. Such people are known as calm. But it is always better to avoid actions or tasks which fail to emit positive vibes. After all, there is no point in making life burdensome or make the head heavy with unhealthy thoughts because effects are inevitable no matter whatever the action.
2. Choice of friends and colleagues
A life and workplace truth is that we are the people we surround ourselves with. The choice we make in terms of friends and colleagues are those we get along with well. This means that they are like-minded people, they share the same frame of reference, and the thought processes are also similar. We feel not comfortable with people who differ from us in terms of thinking or lifestyles.
In such cases, it is suggested that to open up to those you are comfortable with and also maintain ties with the ones we are not comfortable with. You may choose to be very measured when you are with the people you fail to get with, but having them in your life will broaden your horizons and perspectives and stir up a spirit to explore all the time. Rigidity and confinements are never healthy.
3. Selective reading
There are a plethora of blogs, articles, books, pamphlets, and news that get published every day. If you are already a socially selective person, then it is self-evident that you are averted towards small talks and cheap gossips. And there is not any shortage of rumors, misinformation and fake news in the domain of media. Be selective while choosing your material to read.
Although, in this matter, you need to at least go through every kind of written material to actually filter out what suits your best interest. In this case, choose not what you already have ideas about but choose those who are completely new. It can be a book of different genres with different perspectives. It helps your mind to grow and brings you some unique lines to think along.
You will be at an advantage if you, most of the time, rely on online content. Here, your genres of interests are filtered out in forms of questionnaires and only contents of which are corresponding to what you seek pop up.
4. Be selective in what to take in and how to spew out
All of us, more or less, suffer from overthinking, which at times causes us to ruin a beautiful relationship or plans. Sometimes, we speak too little and overthink, and sometimes we speak too much and think too little. These extremities are diabolic for a healthy mind.
In every walk of life, we confront something or someone bitter, which affects us negatively. The bitter experience generates negative thoughts in us, which, as a result, bars healthy thoughts from entering our minds. There has to be riddance for this.
We cannot always be selective about the external factors, but we can surely be selective about our reactions. We will have to master the art of introspection, which teaches us to appraise a situation or a circumstance properly, and accordingly, we can react appropriately.
5. Be Selective about Health
The key to a good life is good health. One needs to adopt some healthy lifestyles of eating, well, drinking well, and exercising well. A healthy mind and body can invite positive thoughts. Habits of working out routinely and eating protein-rich diets can do the honor. Choosing healthy habits not only adds life to your days but also adds days to your life.
Advantages of being properly Socially Selective
Once you channelize yourself, you set yourself towards a proper direction where things are not likely to go wrong. You become more assertive and let go of passivity. You put forth your opinions and are not afraid of refusals or differences in the views of others.
If you practice healthy social selective, you become an inspiration for others. People look up to you because you emit positivity.
A chaotic life is not desired. All of us wish for a sorted life. By practicing the above tips of social selectivity, chances are high of getting life sorted.
4. Optimistic Personality
Proper social selectivity turns you into a confident personality by eliminating pessimism from your life.
5. Enhances focus
There is an abundance of distractions that surround us. Getting sidetracked too often can reduce our ability to think well and uniquely. Being socially selective in a proper way can enhance our focus to a high degree. Our focus, in this way, remains maintained throughout our lives.
6. Art of filtration
Selectively social people master both the skills of introspection and retrospection and can filter out what they sense is troublesome, thus, making their lives joyous.
7. Owning control
Socially selective people have a reasonable command over their lives than others. They are clear about their ideas and actions and do not follow the crowd but do what they feel is right for them.
8. High self-esteem
Being a proper social selective being can escalate your self-esteem as well. You will be less influenced by people and will be provoked less too as a result of which there will be less dilemma.
One important thing to be kept in mind is that there is a stark difference between an anti-social person and a selectively social person. Anti-socialism is a myth as each one of us socializes in some way or the other.
Being socially selective has both advantages and disadvantages. Still, if the particular socialism is designed in a specific manner to bend it to our strengths, then we will be on the benefiting end.
Being too much of an extrovert or too much of a social outcast is not benefiting instead are degrading. Social selective strikes a balance that is needed for well-being, precisely, to maintain peace of mind of their self and also to maintain peace with people we surround ourselves.
It is now time we pull our socks up and start directing ourselves on the right track of proper selectivity.