When you are building a new relationship or just pondering about an existing one, whether itโs โjust casualโ or the beginning of a serious relationship, the question will always loom: how long does it take to know someone well?
As it goes, some people have dated for over ten years but divorced within a year of marriage, some were just casually dating but now are happily married, and some never wanted commitment but fell hard and fast for their significant others; there is no formula to know someone.
In todayโs world, where people judge you just after one meeting or one date, it becomes essential to understand that getting to know someone at a deeper level takes more than just a few hours spent in casual conversation.
In this article, we are about to break down the stages of getting to know someone and whether you can be fairly certain that you have a pretty good idea of what that person truly is.
1. The Importance of Getting to Know Someone
Getting to know someone is essential for you to make expectations from that person. It helps you understand whether to trust the person and prevent any heartbreak you might face.
Letโs look closely at why getting to know someone is important.
1.1. The Significance of Building Healthy Relationships
Getting to know someone becomes more important when you want to build a genuine and healthy relationship with them. It is a fundamental aspect of human connection.
The urge to know someone from the inside is not just about mere acquaintanceship; it dives into the roots of understanding a personโs true self and forging meaningful conversations.
The early stages of a potential relationship are not just about the first date but also about investing time and effort in that person. It is about knowing the person while unraveling the layers of a personโs life, values, and genuine interest.
While you might not see all this crystal clear from the outer side of them, the time spent talking, engaging in a deep conversation, and getting to know each other can gradually paint a picture in your mind.
1.2. Why Spending Time Matters
The urge to know someone from the inside boils down to the essence of time. Time spent with a person is not just about superficial concepts; it is critical to building genuine and lasting connections with people.
Spending time together is not just about clocking hours but about investing in meaningful interactions.
Because of these interactions, you can understand a personโs true nature, even uncover their red flags, and delve into the deeper aspects of their lives.
Those tense moments and conversations are where true selves are unveiled and authentic connections are forged.
Whether you have just started or are in the stages of a new relationship or embarking on a journey to rekindle an existing one, spending quality time, having honest conversations, and asking deep questions matters and helps you go through the situation effectively.
2. Initial Impressions
First impression matters, period.
Whether you are chatting with someone on any social media platform or getting the chance to meet someone in person, they will always judge you by the words you speak in the beginning and your body language. We all do that, right?
Letโs look closely at what you can learn about a person on a first date and how you can navigate things through the information.
2.1. What You Learn From the First Date
The first date is a pivotal moment in getting to know someone. This is the stage where people begin to understand a personโs true nature and assess whether they could be a potential partner.
However, it is impossible for anyone to fully figure someone out on just one date; you can have valuable insights.
In this brief interaction, you will be exposed to their likes, dislikes, and how they handle small talk with people. In this phase, you can also witness how they maintain eye contact and understand whether itโs not getting awkward.
Knowing their honesty level and willingness to engage in deep questions will also be exposed to you.
You might not have a crystal clear picture, but this will give you a pretty good idea of what you should expect in the future from that person.
2.2. Navigating Dating Apps in the Early Stages
In modern dating, people are navigating the early stages of using dating apps. These platforms help you introduce yourself to new potential partners while creating the possibility of forging genuine relationships.
These apps suggest your profile based on your preferences, which makes them a more valuable aspect of todayโs dating world.
However, the challenge lies in differentiating between superficial interactions and those with real promise.
You try to get to know someone through messages and chats, but the process can be quite different when it comes to traditional dating. Red flags may appear in the form of dishonesty or misrepresentations, so be on the lookout.
At this stage, it is essential to determine how much time you should invest in these virtual connections, which typically aim to understand if they align with your future goals.
It is advisable that while dating apps are a convenient way to meet people, you need to be honest and avoid wasting time on the wrong matches.
2.3 Digital First Impressions: Crafting Authenticity in Dating and Professional Spaces
As an expert at understanding digital communication,ย Gianluca Ferruggia, General Manager atย DesignRush, offers a unique perspective on the importance of first impressions in both dating apps and professional meetings:
โMaking the right first impression in the digital world often involves a harmonious blend of communication, visual cues, and strategic personal branding.
For instance, a compelling profile photo and bio in dating apps can signal self-confidence and authenticity.
On the other hand, in a professional meeting, a concise and well-crafted introduction email or LinkedIn message can present oneโs skills and experiences compellingly.
Similarly, effective digital communication is also significant. It includes being respectful, timely, and understanding their communication medium โ whether they prefer emails, direct messages, or video calls.
Personal branding is important in both scenarios โ for instance, an individualโs social media presence should be consistent across platforms, showcasing their personality, values, and interests.ย
Lastly, success in both contexts relates to authenticity because, in the end, people appreciate realness, personality, and a clear sense of identity in both professional and personal relationships.โ
3. Building a Foundation
While the worldโs population is increasing, people are getting more lonely than they ever were in the past.
Having at least one genuine relationship, whether a friend or partner, has become essential. In the whole process, establishing a strong foundation is the key.
3.1. The Value of Deep Conversation
Building a solid understanding of someone requires diving into their thoughts and emotions. Deep conversations are the go-to solution for this, which enables you to unravel their true self.
During these discussions, you can uncover their interest, values, and aspirations, forming the basis of a genuine connection.
These exchange thoughts start from the surface level of small talk that often dominates initial interactions. They provide a platform for everyone to express their feelings, such as their innermost thoughts, ideas, and beliefs.
While it becomes tricky to answer everything clearly in a single conversation, these dialogues offer a pretty good idea of who the other person is and what they stand for.
3.2. From Complete Strangers to Close Friends
The journey from strangers to close friends is the most exciting one. It marks a significant turning point in getting to know someone.
This journey typically involves spending time together, searching if you have any common grounds, and discovering a shared interest with the person.
As you go on the journey to navigate the intricate terrain of building a connection, you need to identify potential deal breakers and understand if both parties are on the same page or not.
Eye contact, open communication, and honest conversation can help you transition from being strangers to forming a relationship that truly matters in both of your lives.
4. Understanding True Nature
Understanding someoneโs true nature is a complex and nuanced journey that can be challenging for people these days. It involves peeling away the layers to understand what a person is.
Whether you have just taken your steps in the dating world or have been married for years, knowing someone on a profound level is essential and an ongoing journey.
4.1. How to Get to Know Someone on a Deeper Level
Getting to know someone on a deeper level is an interesting process and yet requires time, patience, and effort.
If you have a healthy relationship where both partners are equally committed to each otherโs growth, this process can typically take a couple of years.
In the early stages of a relationship, it is advisable that you try to start with small talk and gradually move into more meaningful conversations.
To truly understand someoneโs true nature, you will have to dig into their life, passions, and aspirations they have.
If you want to build a long-term relationship, finding common ground is essential. You can ask deep questions, and their answers will give you a pretty good idea about their preferences.
4.2. The Role of Eye Contact and Body Language
Understanding someoneโs true nature goes beyond just words said by them; it also encompasses non-verbal communication.
Their way of eye contact and body language are powerful tools that can provide you with whatโs beneath the surface.
While you can gain a few insights from a single date, it will require more time and commitment to truly know someoneโs genuine self.
Eye contact is something that can reveal a personโs emotions, intentions, and the level of engagement they have in a conversation.
They provide some non-verbal signals that tell you whether they are truly present. Talking about body language, such as posture and gesture, can provide additional clues about a personโs character.
These cues often convey important information that words alone cannot. You need to remember that understanding someoneโs true nature is an ongoing process.
5. Time and Relationships
The concept of time is intrinsically linked to the process of understanding someone.
The time it takes to get to know someone is a question that resonates differently across different types of relationships and the influence of financial considerations canโt be overlooked.
5.1. How Long Does it Take to Get to Know Someone in Different Types of Relationships
While discussing healthy and committed long-term relationships, the journey of understanding a personโs essence unravels gradually in at least a year.
However, it is essential to remember that the path is not without its hurdles. You might face deal breakers, underscoring the importance of both individuals being on the same page.
Conversely, this landscape can differ when you meet someone through a dating app/site or in the early stages of a new connection.
While talking about friendships, revealing oneโs true self can be expedited. Because of the history and common ground shared, the need for a prolonged gestation period is a little less.
However, the time it takes to understand oneโs true nature has always been a variable typically shaped by the type of relationship, the time spent together, and the ability to engage in those deep conversations that unveil oneโs authentic self.
5.2. Money Matters and its Impact on Understanding a Person
Yes, money is a crucial element that weaves its way into the fabric of most relationships, and its influence on understanding someone should not be underestimated.
Financial considerations or freedom directly decide how much time and effort people can invest in their connection.
In long-term relationships, the financial aspect often stabilizes as the individuals combine their lives. This freedom allows you to spend more quality time and have deep conversations, which results in a more profound understanding of one anotherโs true nature.
Money can play a significant role When discussing short-term relationships or during the early stages of dating.
Many might find it controversial, but financial compatibility is essential. As you might have seen, misalignments in this area can cause misunderstandings and conflicts, making oneโs own money a potential deal-breaker in many relationships.
6. Red Flags and Deal Breakers
Knowing how to spot red flags and recognizing deal breakers is important while getting to know someone. These signs are warnings and can significantly impact the process and its timeline.
6.1. When and How to Spot Red Flags in Early Stages
We all understand that getting to know someone takes time and effort, especially when we aim for a healthy and committed relationship.
Recognizing these red flags is important to avoid potential deal breakers that might jeopardize the process.
In the early stages of getting to know someone, you must pay attention to subtle cues and red flags that reveal a personโs true nature. You can notice these signs often in just a few hours spent together or during your first date.
Lack of eye contact or evasive answers are the biggest red flags, typically suggesting that there might be more to discover.
Identifying these early can save time and potential heartache you might face down the road.
However, there are some people with a lack of confidence who face difficulties in making eye contact and giving confident answers, but your gut feelings can tell you whether they are lying or having low confidence.
6.2. How Deal Breakers Can Impact the Process
While you plan to have a long-term relationship with a person, you need to be on the same page. Figuring out whether two lives can come together and identifying deal breakers has become more important in this digital era.
Whether those issues are related to money, family, or core values, these can make or break any relationship.
You need to discuss all these factors before you decide to be together or get married, or it can lead to bad life experiences that will hurt you the most.
Make sure that the person you are getting together with is honest and is not unwilling to spend their money because it can be an indicator that things might not work out in the long term.
7. In the EndโฆDoes it Matter?
Now, many of you might be having the question, does it matter to get to know someone? The answer is yes. As humans, we do not have much control over our feelings and their development for the other person.
Hence, having a good knowledge about someoneโs true personality is essential to prevent any heartbreak in the future.
7.1. When to Figure it Out
While discussing establishing a healthy, committed, and genuine relationship, the time you will put in is non-negotiable.
Unsurprisingly, this process might take years, involving countless hours spent together, deep, meaningful conversations, and navigating potential deal breakers. But, of course, everybody is different.
For many people, understanding someoneโs true nature might only commence as early as the first date.
On the other hand, for some others, it unfolds gradually during the early stages of a relationship. Whether it is for those who have been close friends for years or some stranger encountered on a new relationship journey, the timing can typically vary.
Yet, the ultimate goal should be to have a crystal clear answer.
7.2. Is There a Crystal-Clear Answer?
One can encounter a multifaceted and often enigmatic path in the quest to have a crystal-clear understanding of getting to know someone. Thereโs no universally applicable timeline in this.
You might have seen in your life that those from whom you have expected they will always be there for you leave even after a decade of being together.
While some just meet you and make you feel that you are complete. Even when someone is fully invested in you, you canโt say they will always be there for you.
People age and evolve, and their preferences can change over time. So, it is advisable to just enjoy the moment with them and make them a great memory that puts a smile on your face whenever you remember them.
7.3 Navigating Intimacy: A Journey of Understanding and Emotional Connection
Jason Polk, a Relationship Therapist atย coloradorelationshiprecovery.com, shares their account:
โMy wife and I were on a trip to Florida. This is about a year after the birth of our second daughter. I was thinking that we would share physical intimacy like weโve had in the past.ย
It did not unfold that way, and with some disappointment, I asked her about it. She told me how she has been feeling uncomfortable with her body since the birth of our daughters, and it has been challenging for her to be physically intimate.ย
I knew a little about this, but not to the degree she shared. This increased my understanding of her and made me take this lack of intimacy less personally. It was less about me and more about how she was feeling.ย
Her sharing this and my receptiveness created emotional intimacy, a foundation for relationship health.โ
8. Seeking Expert Advice
In your journey of building relationships and understanding the complexities of human connection, expertsโ wise advice can be a guiding light for you.
This section of the article will cover the role of seeking expert advice and how it plays in the process of getting to know someone.
Also, we will be discussing the significance of timing when asking the most profound questions that help you pave the way in more depth.
8.1. The Role of a Relationship Expert in the Process
Navigating human nature and relationships has become so challenging these days.
It often requires a level of insight and expertise that the average person might be unable to process or understand without the right guidance.
This is where relationship experts take the center of the stage. Their role is to typically guide individuals, whether they are in committed relationships seeking to strengthen their bond or new couples who just started dating and are looking forward to establishing a solid foundation.
Relationship experts will bring a wealth of knowledge and experience to the table, allowing them to provide valuable guidance on fostering healthy and genuine connections.
You can seek their expertise to identify potential deal breakers, ensuring you and your partner are on the same page and investing time wisely.
These experts are crucial in encouraging deep, meaningful conversations that unravel a personโs true personality.
8.2. The Right Time to Ask Deep Questions
The timing of asking deep and probing questions in a relationship is also critical. It can directly impact the direction your relationship is going to take; hence, knowing the right time to ask such questions is essential.
Here, you can seek help from relationship experts and ask for their insights about when itโs the most appropriate time to dive into profound topics.
These professionals can provide their expertise to all the stages of a relationship, whether itโs the early stages of dating, the delicate phase of addressing red flags, or the mature and long-term commitment.
Those underconfident and afraid to be open with their potential partner can seek their advice. They can also guide you in honest communication while creating an environment where understanding a personโs true personality becomes possible.
Itโs their guidance that aids individuals in asking the right questions at the right time, which ultimately leads them to develop healthy, genuine, and lasting connections.
In a world where relationships have become so complex and multifaceted, the role of relationship experts is indispensable in helping people navigate the journey of getting to know someone on a profound and deeply satisfying level.
Take Away
In conclusion, the timeline for truly getting to know someone or understanding their nature varies in different contexts. We all want to find โThe One,โ but it is not simple.
While stepping into a new relationship, the early stages are marked by small talk and surface-level interactions.
You can have a pretty good idea about someoneโs personality on one date, but it takes years of spending time together to understand what they truly are.
Deep questions, conversations, and spending quality hours together can help you have great ideas about their interests and uncover deal breakers and red flags.
It doesnโt matter if itโs dating, friendship, or a potential partner; getting to know someone is an ongoing process that requires patience and time.
You must understand if both of you are on the same page or not. Also, you should have common ground and spend time on shared activities.
Eye contact, real interest, and honest conversations can help you build a deeper connection with people. However, if you still find it difficult, you should seek advice from relationship experts, who will help you understand the situation in more depth.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q1. Is love a feeling or an emotion?
Love is a profound emotion that typically encompasses a range of intense feelings. It involves deep emotional connection and affection towards someone or something.
Some people fall in love with materialistic things, which are considered fine until itโs not getting into their head.
Q.2. Why is knowing someone important?
To prevent any heartbreaks down the road, knowing someone has become essential. It fosters trust, empathy, and relationship understanding to help them fight lifeโs difficulties together.
Also, it helps you build deeper connections, strengthen bonds, and improve communication.
Q3. What is the difference between knowing about someone and knowing someone?
Knowing about someone includes having information about them, such as their name, profession, or interests.
Through personal interactions, knowing someone involves a deeper understanding of their personality, values, and emotions.
Guest Author: Saket Kumar
Last Updated on by Gourvi Gupta