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Lying is an act of deception. When the other party seeks honest communication from your side, and you camouflage your words with a coat of your own distorted words, then the whole process of misleading is what defines ‘lying.’
Lying in A Relationship
1. Why Do We Lie?
We lie because of many reasons, probably because we want to save ourselves from the feeling of getting embarrassed. We may not find certain facts very important to be told. So, we present our beliefs in a convoluted manner.
We might even want to spare the feelings of those we love. They might not be comfortable hearing about our inadvertent deeds. These are called ‘white lies.’ We might need forged documents to gain an advantage over our competitors.
Covering the truth in any form may give us the pleasure of getting away with our problems. But the fact remains, that we are dishonest.
2. How Does It Affect Our Relationships?
A survey suggests that 10 percent of communication between spouses is deceptive. And 38 percent of conversations between college students consist of lies.
Imagine a situation where the other person lies to you. Consider the feeling of betrayal churning in your heart. Lying to spare others’ feelings shall only dampen the quality of your relationships. Lies offer refuge when you have no other reason to get out of an annoying situation. Like drugs and alcohol, lying, too, is an addiction.
Your writer friend asks you to critique your work. But you do not wish to let him down. And you lie that his piece of work is amazing. What use is it? It would never give him his platform of criticism, which could have taken him miles ahead in his writing career. False motivation is one of the greatest deceptions in the world.
A woman asks her husband how fat she looks in her new dress. The husband fears conflicts and lies that she isn’t looking so. This wouldn’t help to improve their relationship in any way. Probably he could say that this particular dress doesn’t suit her that much. Or he could say, ‘I love you irrespective of how you look in any dress.’ Wouldn’t this create magic in their hearts again?
Say your friend bought you a gift from some foreign country. He asks if you like it or not. You decide not to be impudent and blurt out a ‘yes.’ This is pure deception. Instead of being dishonest, you could say, ‘This warm gesture of yours touches me.’
A man hates his in-laws and declares so in the presence of his children. But when his in-laws decide to stay in his house for a few days, he needs to put on a different face. He praises them and lies, ‘You should come more often.’ While his kids say, ‘That’s a lie, father. You said something else the other day’. Imagine how awkward and preposterous relationships become.
The same goes for your friends. You lied to your friend about being at a party last night. At the same time, you were busy preparing for your exams. Your best friend might understand as he gets to know about it. But slowly and steadily, the quality of your relationship will worsen. Your friend might never trust you again. Trust is the key to every precious relationship.
3. Why Be Honest?
Honesty is the gift you can give to anyone. By keeping others in the dark, we do no good to ourselves. We might feel we are lying with good intentions. But the shadow of failure we cast on our relationships gets darker every day.
Instead, if we are honest, we can cultivate the bonds of trust, forgiveness, and compassion in a finer sense. Remember, once your lie is caught, it will stay in the heart of the person.
While apologizing for your mistake instead would give you a brighter opportunity to correct yourself in the future. A little embarrassment and disappointment in the present are much better than many ordeals later on.
Could you give it a thought? Could a little truth change the perspective of your relationships?