Sex1 is one of the few things constantly on every person’s mind once they cross puberty2, even before that for some desirous souls. The question we all grapple with is when we should have it. Indian society has always been very clear about its stand on when sex is acceptable. Only when two adults have signed a legally binding marriage contract should they give in to their sexual desires. Without this crucial piece of paper or certificate, intercourse between two adults, notwithstanding their consent, is considered immoral.
The movie Shudh Desi Romance had an interesting take on premarital sex. Of course, the scenario is slowly changing, but there are many who, in the name of tradition and Indian values, are opposed to casual sex or premarital sex3. I think a history lesson is in store for them.
Right from ancient times, premarital sex has been prevalent in India, especially among the royal families and, ironically, the outcasts who lived on the fringes of rational society. It was mostly the middle-class society that adhered to strict laws regarding sex only after marriage.
Royalty, by their power, and outcasts, by their exclusion from existing social structures, had the freedom to choose when they could have sex.
Another common misconception or illusion in Indian society is that sex is just a means to beget heirs (daughters included). So, marriage is a prerequisite for sex to have legitimate children. But this is not the case. In reality, sexual pleasure is the most potent reason for adults to engage in the sexual act. So this brings us to the question of when should adults who are sexually attracted to each other have sex.
Is the first date too soon? Is the third date appropriate? Is the fifth date too late? Should the onus of deciding when the first time should be fall on the girl? Should you be guided by instinct or go with carefully constructed rules formed and tested over the years? We can only answer these questions, and our answers may differ occasionally. Or should you just avoid it entirely and go for alternatives like sex toys to satisfy your urges?
According to Lovegasm, a popular sex toy shop, we are the only ones who can answer these questions for us, and our answers may differ each time. The one general principle to follow can be that we let go of our inhibitions and quiet our chattering brains while making these decisions. Some of the best times we have in our lives are when we do things without thinking.
Age is another deciding factor. The legal age of consent for most of the countries is within the range of 14 to 16 years. Choosing when to have sex as an adult is a right that every person has or should have. But I believe that it is wise on the part of nations to set an age barrier for sex. Children, in most cases, do not attain the level of maturity either physically or emotionally to decide the right time to engage in a sexual act. They may be coaxed into giving consent for something they do not fully apprehend. Legal repercussions against this are a way of ensuring protection against some amateurish decisions that they might otherwise take and regret all their life.
Getting pregnant at an unwanted time in life causes undue stress, and not being able to get pregnant when they want to is another problem that couples face. The female menstruation cycle plays a significant role in clinching the right time for sex. According to a girl’s period calendar, the 14th day or midway between her menstrual cycle( 28 days is the average time for a menstrual cycle) is the time when she produces an egg which can be fertilized. The egg lasts only up to a day, but a sperm can survive up to a week. Unprotected sex at this time has a high probability of leading to pregnancy4.
The first week after menstruation and the week just before it are considered ideal for having sex without the complication of having an issue.
Many people think sex during periods as prohibited due to certain religious teachings or perhaps because they consider it to be simply unhygienic. But this needn’t be the case, in fact, sex during periods can provide relief from cramps and even uplift a woman’s mood. It is a very individualistic take as some women enjoy sex more during their periods while others might find it disgusting or inappropriate.
‘When to have sex’ is a very personal question and does not have a particular answer. The most important thing is that adults have the freedom to choose when to do it and when not to. For some, the first date is appropriate enough, whereas, for others, it works only after marriage. Getting married is not a licence for having consensual sex, consent on the part of both parties is the deciding factor. There is no right or wrong time to have sex. In fact, the right time is when you want it to be.
- Meston, Cindy M., and David M. Buss. “Why humans have sex.” Archives of sexual behavior 36 (2007): 477-507. ↩︎
- Susman, Elizabeth J., and Alan Rogol. “Puberty and psychological development.” Handbook of adolescent psychology (2004): 15-44. ↩︎
- Mosher, Donald L., and Herbert J. Cross. “Sex guilt and premarital sexual experiences of college students.” Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 36.1 (1971): 27. ↩︎
- WEETMAN, ANTHONY P. “The immunology of pregnancy.” Thyroid 9.7 (1999): 643-646. ↩︎
Last Updated on by Sathi
