We all have fallen in and out of love at some or the other point in our lives, but do you know some of the darkest truth about love? Read ahead to widen your perspective of love:
Love Isn’t Butterflies, and Sparks Fly; it is All about Efforts:
When you meet a person, and you feel an absolute adrenaline rush, an initial jolt of excitement from just seeing the person. This feeling is what makes you think that you have found the one. Sparks fly everywhere, you get butterflies in your stomach, but when those butterflies fly away, and there is no such spark when you kiss or touch, does that mean you have fallen out of love?
Well, the darkest truth about love is that it is more than these butterflies and sparks flying, and it hits the hardest when these feelings stop. People fall out of love, look for the same excitement elsewhere, but this cycle continues.
After six months, every couple gets so comfortable that the excitement and the efforts to impress the other person stops. When you stop putting efforts, things go bland, and the relationship comes to an end.
Read an article about signs you’re in love with!
You Will Never Find a Perfect Partner:
The idea of a perfect partner itself is so wrong! We all have created an imaginary ideal partner in our heads that we are in a constant search to satisfy our desire. Most of our idea of a perfect partner comes from this highly structured notion of your partner from social media and other platforms. What you desire is not always what you need, and when you finally feel you are in love, we don’t understand the difference between need and want.
We put so much pressure on our partners to satisfy the imaginary perfect partner in our head, that when the reality hits, it shatters us. This is one of the darkest truth about love, the imaginary perfect partner for us never exist and never will!
You Will be Alone at a Certain Point of Time:
No matter how hard you try to create your world around the one you love, at a certain point of time you will feel alone. This is a human tendency, and you cannot run away from it. At a point of your life, you will feel no one understands you, and even the love of your life is happy without you! Your tendency to feel alone, being left out, and no other person in the world to understand what you are going through eventually comes. This is a bitter truth pill that love makes us realize.
The darkest truth about love is; in the quest of finding others to complete you, you realize you will be alone no matter what. It’s your life, you came into the world alone, and you will return just like that!
You Will Not Always be Understood:
When you fall in love, you see a person who has similar tastes or different tastes but which attracts you. You think whatever you feel, the other person feels the same. There are mutual understanding and a common goal.
But what happens after the initial daze of romantic escapades and rendezvous? Fights start cropping up when your long term goals don’t match. The reality sets in, and things start getting sour. Miscommunication leads to the communication gap, and the idea of love doesn’t seem romantic now.
This is one of the darkest truths about love that chemistry is confused with compatibility if you find that spark initially, but you are not compatible in other fields like career goals, life vision, education, social compatibility, and many more.
The Idea of Love Distracts from Reality:
The idea of being in love itself is so fantasized! Many ideas about love, how love should feel like, how it should be, have influenced us through romantic films, love songs, series, and many such things. We tend to overlook the realities of life, such as career, family, stability, and similar factors, which leads to a stable, long-lasting relationship.
Love is reduced to dating in the initial months, talking or texting for hours and then losing focus on the bigger things in life. When rejection and life problems become unbearable, people tend to end the relationship.
The darkest truth about love is, love and reality don’t go together. Love can be a part of your life, but if you make love the only fact of life, then your illusion will soon leave your pockets and fridge empty.
Moments of Love are Illusionary:
When your eyes meet, and the world stops around you? Sorry to burst the love bubble, but studies show that your brain makes the person you love tend to be more attractive and lovable initially till the hormone wears off. Your cheeks flush, the heart beats faster, your pupils dilate, and all these show you that you are indeed, madly and deeply in love. Is it real, or is your brain playing tricks with you?
The brain releases chemicals like oxytocin, dopamine, and vasopressin when you fall in love, which makes it so exciting and euphoric. Everything your partner does is so romantic, cute, and many such mushy terms, but the darkest truth about love is that it’s all chemicals. The feelings last until the chemicals last.
No Absoluteness of Human Relationships:
This is a serious fact which no one can agree on a first go. There are many stories of one true love, the soulmate, the better half, forever person, and many such names. It can be correct, but what is the current probability that your partner will never cheat on you? When we fall in love, we plan our entire life with the same person. In our heads, everything is so beautiful and perfect, but little do we realize that it is not the same for another person.
There is no certainty that the person you love right now will love you the same way 5, 10, or 50 years later, or you will love the same person! The darkest truth about love is that it is never permanent, and it keeps on changing. You are the one who is blind to want the same love as it was in the initial days. Love keeps on changing, and you have to change along with it or chose another partner who shares the same dynamics of love with you.
Variability: Search for the Best
The entire quest in our life is to find the perfect match, isn’t it? The perfect dress, the perfect house, ring, this, that blah blah. That’s the same for love! Shocked? Well, that is the darkest truth about love. We all are in the quest of finding the good, better, and best for us. That is the reason why many of us have multiple relationships. Some may belong ones, some may be just a fling, but every time we know that we need something better than the previous one.
This is a hard pill to swallow, but this is the primary reason why people cheat. They find a better option than the existing one and move on to that. Sometimes all we need to hear is you deserve better, and this quest for finding the better one leaves us unsatisfied.
Realize the Fullness of Yourself:
You forget that you, as an individual is a ‘whole’ of a person. You don’t need another person to make you feel complete. Love makes you think that you need a person to make you feel a certain way. This leads to ways in which you regret going on that path later. In a relationship between two individuals, one should always keep in mind that it is still two individuals rather than one.
Every individual had a personal life before you fell in love and should respect that after you agree to come together too. You will need your own space to grow and explore, and after a time, if you cling to your partner or your partner clings to you, you will feel suffocated. This is the darkest truth about love, the feeling that you are complete within yourself, and love starts when you love yourself first.
No Unconditional Love:
This is the biggest lie if a person says that they love you, unconditionally! No love is unconditional, period! We enjoy another person to get affection, warmth, protection, safety, security, and many other reasons depending on the relationship we are in. That’s the whole purpose of love, in other words finding a compatible companion. Love comes with many ‘terms and conditions’, depending on the kind of society you live in, the conditions may be caste, monetary status, religion, gender, language, culture, and many more.
The love which overlooks all these barriers often struggles to make it survive. It is the hardest truth of love because along with these beautiful feelings come, thousand other souls, which makes it tough to carry on, and somewhere along the struggles to find your way together, love loses sight, and things fall apart.
Finding Happiness in Others: an Addiction?
It is scientifically proven that when you are in love with a person, you become addicted to them. Researchers have claimed love addiction to be under the Diagnostic and systematic manual of mental disorders (DM-5). Not to scare you, but this is a fact that this addiction is real. The neurobiological mechanisms in our brain release dopamine, the same hormone which works on the reward mechanism when we are in love.
The constant desire to be around, feel good, be praised, be on cloud nine, and such similar lovey-doveyy feelings around the person you love turns into an addiction. This is similar to when you are addicted to video games, caffeine, or the pleasure when you hit the jackpot, have mindblowing sex, or do drugs. Didn’t relate the love feelings to these? Well, dopamine is nicknamed as “the sex, drugs, and the rock’n’roll,” and the darkest truth about love is the hormone released when you are in love in the initial days. Still, it wears off in the later stage, which leads to depression, self-isolation, anxiety, and other stress factors. Love doesn’t feel good now, does it?
Love is an Illusion Made by our Minds to Procreate:
Our body system works towards procreation. That is the ultimate goal because every organism looks to take its genes forwards, and as Mr.Darwin believes in survival of the fittest, our mind chooses the most suitable partner to procreate. It releases pheromones and other hormones, which attracts you to the desired partner to procreate.
Love is just a trap set by your brain to take your genes forward. This explains why we run after the better fish in the pond. You can’t do the blame game for cheating now since all this is a game of procreation and survival. Harsh right, but unfortunately, this is one of the darkest truths about love.
Confusion between Love and Infatuation:
We often confuse ourselves between love and infatuation. Most of the relationships break in a period of 3 to 6 months because that is the longest a person can fake being in love. The initial rush when you see a person, the crimson of your cheeks and stars in their eyes disappear when the question of compatibility comes in. After the first kiss, the body exchange genetic information through saliva, which is why even the hottest person repulses you because the body rejects them if the genetic stability doesn’t match.
The infatuation fades away, and reality sets in. Often heartbreaks happen when the other person isn’t on the same page as you. In the end, love isn’t enough; compatibility plays a more prominent role. The darkest truth about love is if you are not on the same page, then be sure to have your heartbroken.
These were some of the darkest truths about love, which was hard to digest, but deep down, we know it is true. Make sure you have proper communication with your loved ones, respect, and put the continuous effort in the relationship because, in the end, its not the chemistry but the compatibility which makes it work.
Read the article about ten real-life love stories!
Persistence and consistency is the key to any relationship.