The world is not unfamiliar with the lovers and the heartbreakers. It is something everyone goes through in their lifetime.
You picked up this article, evidently because you are experiencing the same emotions of heartbreak and betrayal (hugs for you!) and probably wondering why do people cheat? At this point, all you can do is understand the situation and move forward slowly.
1. Why Do People Cheat?
There are several psychological and emotional reasons why people cheat- whether it be a romantic relationship, friendship, or any other relation in your life.
One of the major reasons why people cheat in a relationship is infidelity. An article was published by Dylan Selterman, Justin R Garcia, and Irene Tsapelas in 2017 on ‘Motivation for Extradyadic Infidelity revisited‘.
According to the article, people experience infidelity because of many factors involving such as anger, sexual desire, feeling neglected low self-esteem, lack of love, insecurities, and some situational factors too.
This is a serious problem in most broken relationships. Although it is hard to tell who is to be blamed for this, researchers have found that male partners cheated in most cases with their mistress.
1.1.1. What Should Be Done?
Keep your partner satisfied with his sexual desires. The unmet needs of a partner in a romantic relationship are the first thing why your partner would commit infidelity.
Therefore, you must talk about what you want from your partner in a sexual relationship.
1.2. Lack Of Compatibility
In most cases, when you date occasionally, you see if you get a good feeling and commit a relationship. But, you fail to have a deep conversation with your partner.
It becomes harder when relationship problems come out with a lot of personality differences. This remains one of the most common reasons for broken relationships.
One partner might be an extrovert while the other being an introvert would be hard to live with. This is because your personality differences also affect your lifestyle.
1.2.1. What Should Be Done?
The best way to deal with any relationship is by having an honest conversation. Remember to have a deep, honest and meaningful conversation before having a committed relationship.
Talk about everything that comes to your mind whether it be your demands regarding physical or emotional intimacy or your plans, your political opinion and every little thing you think is and is not important.
1.3. Self-Esteem Issues
A sex research article by Kristen P. Mark, Erick Janssen & Robin R. Milhausen was published by Springerlink on Infidelity in Heterosexual couples: Demographic, Interpersonal, and personality-related predictors of extradyadic sex in 2011.
1.3.1. What Should Be Done?
Make your partner comfortable for having a healthy sex life.
Work on the anxiety issues, performance concerns are usually a sign of low self-esteem. Cheer them up and make them feel worthy.
1.4. Sex Addiction
You met the wrong person. You saw them at the first sight and fell in love is a cliché we all have believed to be true. Well, it can be true in some cases, but true love goes beyond this.
True love in our opinion is like candy, the more it melts, the sweeter it gets. True love takes time, effort, pain, and respect for a relationship to grow.
Love is not just liking for who you are, but also for who you are not. It is spiritual.
Yet, some people are clung to material love and hence develop sex addiction.
A person who turns a blind eye to spiritual love and is only eager for materialism or in common terms ‘sex‘ in a relationship is always a cheater. Rather than loving a person, they love and want more sex.
1.4.1. What Should Be Done?
Testing the patience level of the person would make you aware of his hidden personality traits. If a person is always talking about sex or being horny, you should be cautious.
Additionally, red flags in a relationship like feeling neglected and insecure should also be checked.
You lack fun in your relationship. Sometimes, it is hard to keep the excitement in personal relationships because of silly fights and office tensions.
After a point of time, you might feel “done” with your partner or even find ways out of the relationship.
Some people cannot settle down in one place. They are always on the go. Boredom is a sign of progress, but in a relationship, both partners should show loyalty to each other.
1.5.1. What Needs To Be Done?
Boredom in any relationship is inevitable after a point in time. It is the responsibility of both partners to keep the excitement in the relationship.
Find new ways to love and have fun. Look at young couples, learn how they love in the new age. It is probably the best way to bring your young days back.
1.6. Differences In Your Work Life
We dedicate the major portion of our lives to work. Around 10 hours a day, we spend our time with the people we love.
Days at work can be hectic and long. This might even affect your relationships too.
It can be hard for you to give time to your partner in such a scenario.
1.6.1. What Needs To Be Done?
Have at least one meal together. This is a very traditional way of spending time together, but it works! Discuss your day at work, and how did you feel during the day.
A small conversation and a meal together work like a miracle.
1.7. You Are Dating a Narcissist
People with narcissistic traits are full of themselves. All they crave is attention and admiration. It can take away your mental health.
Many researchers have found that narcissistic people are more likely to engage in infidelity.
Be aware of these signs while dating. If you find them in your partner, they most probably have a narcissistic personality disorder.
- They continuously want your attention.
- They act extremely possessive.
- They make you feel guilty about everything.
- They manipulate every situation in their favor.
- They are always ashamed of you.
1.7.1. What Needs To Be Done?
Spotting a narcissist in the first place can be difficult. Even though, we can still make out from early signs that your new partner is a narcissist.
- Your new partner fails to define a healthy boundary.
- Your partner has a “weird” sense of humor. Your partner keeps on poking you with sarcastic comments.
- They love to boast about themselves.
If you encounter these signs in the early stages of your relationship, you should consider moving forward once again.
1.8. A Dating App Scam
The vast majority of couples meet on dating apps. These applications are specifically designed for singles to meet, chat, share interests, and committed relationships.
But sadly, most people cheat on social media apps. The affairs are just to get into their bed and fulfill their sexual desire.
1.8.1. What Needs To Be Done?
Socializing on a dating app is usually promoted for casual make-outs and hookups.
So, clearly stating your needs and demands from a relationship is a must.
Read the people’s minds before you engage in a relationship. Retrieve information about the person as much as possible. This reduces the chance of getting cheated by the people.
1.9. Unable To Satisfy Your Partner
The most common of all the reasons is problematic sex life. Heterosexual dating couples have suffered more from infidelity than same-sex couples.
As we know, men and women reach their climax at different times. It is commonly seen that women are unable to get satisfied with their partners. It increases the risk of infidelity.
1.9.1. What Needs To Be Done?
The best advice is to take a doctor. Meet a doctor as soon as possible.
Talk it out. Your partner might have not discovered your soft spot. Talking out may be a good way to deal with the problem.
1.10. Anger Issues
Anger is not good in any situation, especially in relationships.
Your relationship with your intimate partner should feel like heaven, and not trauma. The world is enough for you to deal with that.
If your partner is angry and shouting continuously for no reason, there is no doubt it makes you feel unsafe around. Anger is an enemy of love.
1.10.1. What Needs To Be Done?
Meditate with your partner. Try to show them the different perspectives of the situation.
If one partner is angry, the other should stay calm. If both the partners are aggressive, then the relationship is doomed to fail.
A lot of it is lost just because of misunderstanding and miscommunication among the partners.
People cheat when they lose hope in their partner to understand even a little bit. It can even become frustrating to stand with your partner for even a minute.
This even leads your partner to find love elsewhere and hence results in infidelity.
1.11.1. What Needs To Be Done?
Things don’t change overnight. Misunderstandings turn into fights gradually. Then there is a stage when you can’t even sit together for a second.
The best way is to consult a relationship expert. Only a marriage or relationship counselor can solve the issues and tell you about the problem. But, the relationship can only work if both the partner are willing to save it.
1.12. Unresolved Past
Your partner probably had an unresolved past. It can be anything from PTSD from past relationships to them cheating on you with their ex. It is a vast subject.
It can also create a lot of problems in a relationship and can make the other partner feel frustrated and leave you.
1.12.1. What Needs To Be Done?
If your partner is unable to forget your ex-partner, it is better to ask them to resolve their feelings and then commit to you. It can leave you feeling neglected and drained in a relationship.
But if it is PTSD of your partner’s past, make sure you make them feel safe and be with them at the worst.
Emotional needs are to be addressed by the current partner. Keep their mental health a priority.
1.13. They Are Jealous Of You
Your success may sometimes make other people hate you. And your partner may be jealous of your steep success as you might be the center of attraction for all and not them.
They may feel you have authority over them if you are successful.
1.13.1. What Needs To Be Done?
If you want your relationship with your partner to work till the end, keep your success aside and just be a husband/wife while at home.
Do not make them feel inferior in any way. At the same time, your partner should be proud of your success. They should motivate you for the best.
You are probably too young and innocent to understand the real meaning of love. Your world is all about a fairy tale and you go head over heels when you see them.
In reality, maintaining a relationship is not so flowery. It takes a lot of time and effort to create a healthy life with your partner.
1.14.1. What Needs To Be Done?
If you are young, then do not get hurt by one relationship. Life is too big to cry about one person. Fall in love again and again until you understand what is a mature relationship.
1.15. You Demand Perfection
The romantic poems that you read are not real. The love movies that you watch that are not real. The pretty couple goals posts you see on the internet is not real.
Anything that you hear or see that appeals to you is not real.
Do not let perfection kill you or your love for others. Accepting a person for what they are and who they are is real. You can grow and furnish yourselves together but perfection is a myth.
1.15.1. What Needs To Be Done?
As it is been said, acceptance is the key. Either accept what you have or wait for the person who is good enough for you. Give chance to people who care for you and love you. But don’t judge them for being imperfect.
2. Things To Remember Before Committing a Relationship
Some people don’t think much about relationships. They like someone, and they fall. But, a serious relationship is more than that.
If you don’t want to be cheated by people, you should remember some things which would make your both social and personal relationships easy for you to deal with.
2.1. Mutual Interest
Mutual interest in romantic love adds a lot to conflict avoidance. When couples have interests in common, they can spend more time together and enjoy things.
This would cancel out a few insecurities like feeling neglected, not spending time, and misunderstandings.
2.2. Balanced Mindset
If you and your partner do not have the same mental intellect, there are more chances for that relationship to fail. It may also lead to infidelity and cheating.
Having the same mental intellect would make things easier for both to understand. Those with an imbalanced mindset will not even make your partner proud of you.
2.3. Financial Management
Finances are one of the major reasons for misunderstandings in a relationship. Not everyone is rich, and financial problems can take off your fairytale perspective of love into a hard-hitting reality.
Decide your finances according to your lifestyle. Distribute responsibilities and duties accordingly.
2.4. Future Aspirations
Everyone has a dream about their life. Discuss your dreams with your partner together.
If your aspirations take you in different directions, then it would be difficult to deal with things.
You should be either willing enough to give up your aspirations for your love or should choose a partner who is supportive enough and have the same aspirations as you.
2.5. Be Independent
Be independent in all senses, whether financially or emotionally. Complete dependence on your partner may make them feel frustrated and have less space.
Financial and emotional independence helps you not only with your emotional needs but also it makes you help your partner with his own needs and aspiration.
See if they make you feel safe and secure. Emotional safety and security make things easier and smooth.
Passing judgments and sarcastic comments is not a sign of healthy love.
2.7. They Respect Your Loved Ones
You better-half should not be ashamed of your background. Friends are something who is always there for you without any expectations.
Your family is also an important aspect of your growth and upbringing. If they can not respect and accept your parents, it is difficult to believe they would respect their creation.
2.8. Intimate Conversations
Talk about your sex life with them. Neglecting conversation on sex is the biggest risk factor that happens to disturb your simple love.
Pleasure is the very part of love and feelings in the human experience. If you do not find what you want, then you must have a detailed conversation about every spice that is missing out.
2.9. Talk, Talk, Talk!!
At last, communication is the key. There is no proof of human telepathy. That is why you must speak. Any person, no matter how close you are, nobody can ever understand you completely.
Any problem in a relationship can only be solved by a healthy and clear conversation. One conversation might save your life for the better.
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