The search for true love
At times I wonder, what is it like to love a person with all your soul and heart? What is it like to give your heart to a complete stranger? What is it like to submit yourself completely to the arms of a person you’ve never known and still know that you’ll never be hurt?
My friends tell me that I am a hopeless romantic and I don’t know real love. They are probably right because I have never been in love. Or perhaps they are wrong because the one I am looking for hasn’t crossed my path yet and there is still some time before our destinies collide.
“Out beyond ideas of wrong doing
and right doing there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.”
― Rumi
My heart has faith in the latter. I have never had a fancy for a kind of love that is depicted in our Bollywood movies or the one with a fairy tale ending. I have never been struck by the Cupid’s bow just at the sight of a handsome man nor have I fallen in love just for the sake of it. As Rumi quoted, “A thousand half-loves must be forsaken to take one whole heart home”, and to a person like me who has grown up listening to Rumi, this means a lot.
What the heart wants
My heart yearns for a man who is perfect in his imperfections and never shies away from accepting his flaws. Before I become a lover, I want to be a companion. I want him to love my weirdness and accept me as I am. I have no unrealistic expectations from my man. I would never expect him to understand me without words, but when I open up to him, I expect him to immerse himself in my thoughts and fathom my perspective. I do not want to make love just for the sake of it, instead I want us to lose ourselves in each other, undress the dreams that we have both hidden and heal the wounds that have been hurting us since the start.
The One
This man will be my ‘special someone’ and he will be the one who will have the key to my heart and soul, without any ifs and buts. I am in no hurry to meet him, but yes, when I finally do, I will always remember that moment of pure bliss. I will feel the voids of separation finally getting filled.
Oh dear love!
I know you exist, but where?
That is something I have never bothered to hear.
I don’t need to seek you, my love!
For I know, a part of me resides in you
And a part of you in me.
In spite of being distances apart,
I am never separated from you
And out beyond time,
These parts within us will lead us to each other,
Thus filling the physical voids that we harbor
And finally transforming the ‘I’ and ‘You’ into ‘Us’.
I’m reading this piece 5 years after you wrote it Neha. It touched something very deep inside. Perhaps one day we shall meet and it will all be alright : )