Some may even call it the unachievable – Going from Lovers to Friends. But just because it might be hard, doesn’t mean that it’s impossible. Like everything else, there are ways to bend the rules to accomplish going from lovers to friends. But once you’re in, you’re in it for a long and a hard ride before you reach your destination.
Have you ever wondered why going from lovers to friends has been deemed impossible? Because it isn’t as easy as one would want it to be, and it could take a bit more than a while. Of course, specific cases might be exceptions.
But if the breakup meets specific guidelines – both parties must be willing, it must end mutually, etc. Then going from Lovers to Friends is possible.
“Sometimes it’s better to be friends than to become strangers after lovers.” It’s important to understand that things don’t always turn out the way you’ve planned to, but just because the two of you weren’t meant to be lovers, it doesn’t mean that the two of you aren’t meant to have each other in your lives at all.
Breaking up doesn’t translate to cutting off entirely. And to make this long and difficult process of going from lovers to friends a tad bit easier for you here is – Going from Lovers to Friends: The Ultimate Guide – 13 Crucial Steps:
Going from Lovers to Friends: The Ultimate Guide – 13 Crucial steps:
1. Give each other time and space
This is the very first and probably the most critical step in the transition from going from lovers to friends.
Don’t expect to be each other’s best friends right away. Now that’s being unrealistic. After the breakup is over, depending on how dangerous things were between the two of you, the amount of time and space one would require can last from anywhere between a month to sometimes even a year or more.
The two of you must give each other time to heal. And that means allowing breathing and thinking space as well. Do not hover around them, do not spam them with calls and messages, no matter how tempted you are to reach out. Just because you might’ve healed quickly, does not necessarily mean that your ex did too.
2. Do not mention new flames right away
As I mentioned earlier, just because you might have moved on quickly, does not mean that your ex has too. So as an essential step of going from friends to lovers, you must not mention any new flames you have in your life right away.
Knowing that you’ve already moved on and are seeing somebody else when they’re still in the earlier stages will hurt them in more ways than you can imagine. It’ll also make them think that they were or your relationship wasn’t significant enough to you, as it was to them.
And if that happens, it’s a huge step backward in going from friends to lovers.
3. Talk about what has instead of what could’ve been
Talking about ‘what if’ situations when going from lovers to friends is a big no.
Nobody wants to talk about the hopes and dreams that they once wanted to have with you, that have been shattered again. You can talk about the past that you’ve had, the memories you shared, and how that was it for the two of you.
Cherish what you’ve had, don’t dwell on the past. That’s the main motto here. And an essential step in moving on. Show more gratitude for each other.
If you must bring up the future, then try to talk about the future of your friendship and solely that.
Your future as individuals, building your lives and careers by yourself, not with anyone else, and certainly not together.
4. Get clarity on the type of relationship you want to keep
Are you going to be going from lovers to friends? Are you going from lovers to friends with benefits? Do you plan on being best friends, or do you just want to maintain a platonic friendship for the sake of it?
Make sure that you discuss what the two of you expect from each other in terms of friendship from here on. You must do it. This will avoid any misleading, threats to your friendship, confusion and hence, avoid more heartbreak.
When you’re going from the end-zone to the friend-zone, remember always to be very clear and to avoid any confusion or avoid doing things or saying things that prevent any difficulty. When it comes to a situation like this, you can never be too safe.
5. Make sure there are zero feelings between the two of you
You might be 100% sure that there are zero feelings from your side towards your ex-lover, and if you aren’t, then the first thing you should do is make sure that there aren’t.
But you also need to find out whether or not they still have any feelings for you before you move further into a friendship. Many times, the other person will say that they have no feelings, even though they do, just because it means that they will get to see you again.
And that is precisely the kind of situation that you need to avoid. This is a crucial step in going from lovers to friends. And if you do not consider this, especially if you’re planning to turn this relationship into a friend with benefits situation or a more casual hookup situation, it won’t end well.
You could end up losing the other person entirely because you’d be breaking their heart all over again, which is precisely what you want to avoid doing. That was the whole point of turning this breakup into friendship instead of cutting them off entirely, right?
If you’re unsure about your feelings, click here to read more about signs you still love your ex.
6. Follow the breakup guide
Not many know this, but getting over a breakup is a process that’s done in steps. When going from lovers to friends, one must follow this step-by-step process.
This process includes starting with realizing what has happened and understand the reality of the situation, moving on to closure, healing, crying to acceptance and then comes moving on.
So, there are many things that you must keep in mind before jumping from a relationship into a friendship. One thing you can do to make sure it’s easier on your ex-lover is to make sure that you do not mention moving on right away.
Give them enough time to get over you. This time may vary depending on the term and the seriousness of the relationship. The entire breakup guide process might take longer for one than the other.
If you want this friendship to work and so does your ex-lover, then the two of you must have patience and must be understanding towards each other. You must respect each other’s decisions and respect and accept their needs and wants.
7. Understand the Myth
When they say that going back to being friends after you’ve been lovers, they aren’t precisely speaking the truth. But then again, that means that they aren’t exactly lying either.
When going from lovers to friends, you must understand the myth first.
In most situations, if you’re lucky and if the breakup was mutual or did not involve cheating/lying or something worse (if that’s even possible), then it is possible to salvage what’s left of the relationship and turn it into a friendship.
But if one of you cheated on the other, or has lied to about something important and severe or has done something that you wouldn’t even have imagined then you can kiss the dreams of having a friendship or having them in your lives at all goodbye.
And you must understand why that is, it’s because you’ve hurt them beyond repair. And because every time they look at you, talk to you or even hear somebody mention you, they won’t be reminded of the memories you shared but only of all the pain that you’ve caused them.
8. Be Patient
Having patience is critical when you’re going from lovers to friends.
I’ve said this multiple times before, and I’ll repeat it this transition is like a rollercoaster ride. One that’s quite frightening, quite tricky, and not just quite but very long. The two of you must be very patient throughout this course.
Giving each other enough time and space to heal is one part where you must be very patient. And the other has to do with following the breakup guide. The third part where it takes patience? That has to do with the myth.
The myth often says that even if it is possible to go back to being friends after you’ve been lovers, things can’t go back to being exactly the way they used to be.
If the two of you are lucky enough and have enough patience, it is possible to going back to being the way things used to when you were just friends. This is a process that may take years or even a decade because this can only happen when the two of you have found and settled in with your actual soulmates.
Click here to read more about some breakup survival tips.
9. Starting Afresh is always a good idea
When going from lovers to friends, there are two options in front of you, and the first one is starting again.
This could work for some and might not for some, so you’ll just have to try and see. If the two of you are ready to let go of the past entirely if you’re 100% sure you can forget that the two of you ever happened.
Then you can just pretend like it never did and start anew. This is a good idea for short-term relationships that didn’t mean much and merely felt like hookups with slight feelings. But if you were in a close long-term relationship, then this might not be the ideal way to go about things.
Starting again is an excellent way to make the atmosphere a little lighter and brighter. It’s a fun way to reconcile. You can even stage a meet at a café or a movie theatre and pretend you’re in a movie and have just met each other for the first time.
10. Don’t block out the past
The other option that you can take when going from lovers to friends is not blocking out the past but cherishing it.
And even if you have considered option A, do not block out the past entirely. Do not burn or throw out the tokens of memories of your relationship. Or the presents or even the pictures.
It’s okay to get rid of some of the things but make that selection exceptionally carefully. You’d end up hurting yourself and your ex-lover more than you think if you just toss out the memories and block out the past altogether as if it meant nothing and was just garbage.
Who knows, years from now, one day, maybe the two of you will even be able to joke about your time together and tease each other.
11. Hang out by yourself as well as in groups
To avoid any awkwardness when going from lovers to friends, in the initial stages, I would suggest both meetings just by yourself and in groups with mutual as well.
When you’re alone, you can talk about things that are best avoided talking about in front of others. And when you’re with friends, you won’t feel awkward or weird or be put in any unwanted scenarios. You’ll also have your best friends there to take care of you if things go haywire.
12. Lay down the law
If you’re going from lovers to friends, it’s best to law down the law before the actual friendship.
A set of rules and conditions to be followed that the two of you draft together is the best way to avoid any problems, confusion, awkwardness, and more heartbreaks.
13. Don’t listen to what others have to say
Just like the myths mentioned earlier, if they find out that you’re going from lovers to friends, people will say a lot of bullsh*t stories to you.
Whether they say they’re personal experiences, they’ve had or just taunt you and make comments. You must remember that just because it happened to them does not necessarily mean that it will happen to you as well.
Do not listen to what others have to say here, whatever happens, happens between you and your ex. It’s only between the two of you and will remain that way.
Going from lovers to friends is a transition that can be incredibly painful, as well as time-consuming and difficult. We hope this 13- step guide of ours has made it a tad bit easy for you too.
If you have any more steps or tips to add to the guide to transition from lovers to friends, or any comments, views, and experiences do let us know, we’d love to hear what you have to share!