Have you ever been in a place where you said sorry even though it wasn’t your fault? Have you ever felt guilty about simply voicing out your feelings? Or have you ever done something you didn’t want to do only because someone threatened you to do it?
Well, you’re not alone, my friend. You are being emotionally manipulated.
Sit back tight and keep reading because today, we’ll be spilling all the beans about the dirty manipulation tactics, the signs of emotional manipulation, and how YOU can identify them and protect yourself accordingly.
1. What is Manipulation?
Emotional Manipulation is altering reality, twisting your way of thinking, and exploiting your core identity to gain control and power over you for one’s selfish goal.
It is the process that robs you of your self-confidence and self-identity, induces self-doubt, and low self-esteem, and inflates your own insecurities. The trademark for knowing that you’re being manipulated is when you question your reality and sanity.
Psychological Manipulation is more common than people think it is. Often people don’t realize how they spend their entire day being manipulated by someone from their workplace, relationships, and family members.
But, the problem arises when we think that this is normal. The answer is NO. It certainly isn’t normal to feel that way.
It is truly difficult to decipher the manipulation tactic of how fine and subtle the art of emotional manipulation is becoming day by day. A single sentence can make you think in a manner that can ruin you and mentally deplete your energy.
Sometimes, even the emotional manipulator is unaware of what they are saying but generally, the ones who often use statements or sarcastic hidden agendas of dark humor. They
know what they are doing and are actual master emotional manipulators. They are eagerly waiting for you to be another one of their prey.
1.1 Why Do People Manipulate?
An Emotional Manipulator is like a broken soul, if that makes sense. Before their behavior meets the logic, they need emotional fulfillment, which they abandoned in childhood.
Manipulation acts in a worse way for people with certain personality disorders, such as narcissists, sociopaths, or psychopaths.
It is crucial to understand the fact that emotionally manipulating people faced the very same tactics in their childhood or in their early lives.
Now, they are out here, carrying the same negative thoughts and are using these mind games to puppet with another person’s emotional well-being.
It has been confirmed that people with Borderline Personality Disorder ( BPD ) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder ( NPD ) displayed higher tendencies in manipulative approaches.
People with BPD have faced abandonment issues in their childhood, and they battle the fear of letting go of someone. That is why they use emotional manipulation as a coping mechanism to get their needs met through passive aggression.
They are generally those people who seek attention and validation out of the insecurities of others by engaging them in their strings of toxicity.
On the other hand, there is NPD. It has been shown in research how Narcissistic people often find it difficult to develop strong close relationships or friendships with others.
Consequently, they project higher manipulative behaviors like playing the victim, clinging, blaming, guilt trips, or other manipulation tactics to keep the other person in their grip.
It is quite depressing when we realize the place where the emotional manipulators are coming from. Even though they are highly skilled at their techniques, they, too, feel scared and tend to exaggerate events to fight their issues.
1.2 Why Do People Get Manipulated?
Manipulation is a subtle process that plays with the mind’s subconscious and alters the wishes and desires based on the psychological state of the receiver. How intriguingly scary, isn’t it?
Surprisingly enough, it has been confirmed that we, the people victimized by emotional manipulation, have the same background as active emotional manipulators.
The fact is that different people react differently to childhood traumatic experiences. A few of us become manipulators, while others become victims of the manipulators. Therefore, this dark cycle of psychological puppetry keeps going on and on.
The victims are generally agreeable people, the people pleasers. They often feel insecure about themselves and avoid conflict at any cost. They feel compelled to please others and become likable because that is how they feel good about themselves.
Victims often feel like they are a huge burden to other people for no reason, which is why they do unnecessary things for others, as if they owe them or want to be liked.
These kinds of people make the best targets for emotional manipulators. Needless to say, they both are like the two missing pieces of a puzzle.
In order to stop being with a manipulative person, we need to heal ourselves, come out of our victim shells, and learn to detect and recognize patterns of manipulation in order to take worthy actions against them.
2. What Are The Emotions Linked To Emotional Manipulation?
The main emotions associated with emotional manipulation are Guilt, Regret, Fear, and Self-doubt. When you’re in a healthy relationship, these factors will barely emerge.
But, when you’re in a manipulative relationship, these negative emotions will haunt you until you leave that abusive relationship. Many victims fear or hesitate to cut ties with the manipulative person since they have low self-esteem.
The victims assume that if they leave the manipulator, they’ll have no one else. But that is not true. To attract healthy people and protect our own emotional well-being, we need to maintain control over our own lives and not get swayed by the common forms of emotional manipulation.
In the upcoming topics, we will unfold the hidden agenda of the abusers and present the signs by which you can finally spot emotional manipulation easily.
3. Emotional Manipulation In Families
In familial bonds, the manipulative tendencies can be stronger since parents are like the authoritative figures in their children’s life. Since parents are generally, they somehow are obsessed with the idea of ownership over their children.
When you remember yourself as a kid, have you ever felt useless? Have you ever felt like you could not do anything right because whatever you do is like another mistake for your parents? If you said yes, even you were being manipulated as a child.
It is just like a dark cycle of history that never ends, until proper therapy and healing kick in. So, without further ado, let’s look into the subtle signs of family-based manipulation.
3.1 Signs of Emotional Manipulation In Families
They Blackmail You
Emotional blackmail is a tactic that involves evoking emotions to appeal to your feelings in order to make you whatever their goal is. This will follow a specific pattern for persuading you.
Firstly, they will make clear-cut authoritative demands you’re obligated to abide by. If you stand up for yourself or try to refuse, they will constantly force you into giving in, by using emotional sentiments.
If you finally agree, they may act differently and shower you with affection as a reward to you.
They Use Guilt Tripping
This is one of the most common forms of manipulation, especially found in family bonding and romantic relationships. Here, the manipulating person refuses to take liability for their individual actions, but instead, they shift the blame onto you in order to escape that they did wrong.
Mostly in cases, where the parent is doing something important but somehow messes up, they push the blame firmly onto the child, claiming that the kid was the reason why their focus got distracted.
This tactic makes children feel guilty, even though they did nothing wrong.
Swapping Roles To Make You The Parent
This is a role-swapping kind of manipulation, called Regression, exclusively seen in parent-child relationships. Here, a parent acts like the child of the family, pretending as if the child is supposed to take care of them.
They show anger, silent treatment, and aggressive behavior whenever the child fails to look after the parent. As a result, the child feels devoid of affection. They also become people who are always willing to take the liability for others, not once letting themselves relax for a bit.
They become the guardian in relationships or friendships and take care of everyone else while putting their own needs aside.
They Shift Goal-Posts
This manipulative tendency is known as Goal-Post Shifting. In this process, the child often faces insecurities and self-doubts and feels confused about whether they can ever meet their parents’ expectations.
You must have faced this in your childhood when your parent expected something of you, but when you finally fulfilled that, they beat you down for not fulfilling another expectation of theirs.
In this technique, the child never feels appreciated for what they are doing. Instead, they are constantly criticized for not doing the remaining ones. As a child, this method has impacted me the most from my parents, and it doesn’t feel very pleasant.
They Gaslight Your Reality
This technique is another of the most popular and dangerous kinds of manipulation. This kind of manipulation often makes the receiver doubt their own sanity and memory due to the actions or the dramatic statements said by their parent.
The victim here is the child. It is another similar way to escape accountability for doing or saying something in the past, the consequences of which the parent wants to bury.
This manipulation is highly harmful to anyone’s mental health. This method will leave you feeling vulnerable when there is no one to ask you if something’s wrong.
They Become Passive-Aggressive Towards You
Every one of us is responsible for using this way of manipulating at least once in our life. It is extremely common. The problem arises when the parents are likely to show this manipulative behavior more frequently than usual.
They use indirect and non-verbal body language to make the child feel hurt, guilty, or regretful because of what they have done.
Everyone does mistakes in their life. Children especially ate new to this world. So, it makes sense if they make many mistakes since they are curious. It is enough to point out their mistakes and ensure they do not repeat them, but passive aggression is not a wise choice.
The child may feel helpless and highly apologetic for what they did, but some parents never stop giving the silent treatment.
This method massively affects children who need assurance more than adults and also leaves a scar on their memory as a traumatic experience.
4. Emotional Manipulation In Romantic Relationships
In relationships, the victim tends to be the emotionally submissive one. Be it of any gender, male or female. A certain romantic partner eventually creates a power of authority and becomes the dominating one in the relationship.
The submissive one is more likely to please their partner; if they do, the relationship will surely be degraded. They become like the two opposing sides of a magnet; their bond is very strong.
However, eventually, their relationship falls apart because the victim cannot keep harming themselves by overloading the wishes and desires of the other onto their backs.
To overcome these forms of attachment from a manipulative person, it is crucial to set boundaries that are strong enough. A manipulative person will always test your boundaries to make it clear whether they are weak or strong.
This time, we will look into the different kinds of mind-blowing methods and signs of emotional manipulation that are often overlooked, especially in relationships.
4.1 Signs of Emotional Manipulation In Romantic Relationships
They Use Stone-Walling Against Your Emotions
This is one of the harshest ways of manipulating someone emotionally. This is an advanced way of giving someone silent treatment. It is a brutal way of shutting you off, especially when you’re in your most vulnerable state.
The manipulator never chooses to validate your feelings or emotions or even empathize with them. Still, they use hurtful words or non-verbal body language, bringing you into a state of hopelessness, which is utterly damaging and exhausting for your health.
The moral of the process is they are making you ready to be completely emotionally dependent on them for validation and acknowledgment. Sounds terrible, doesn’t it?
They Use Love Bombs
This is one of the most popular manipulative tactics used exclusively in relationships devoid of mutual respect and trust. This technique is so sweet and lovable that unless you’re aware of the love-bombing technique, you would not be able to identify manipulation like this.
This emotional manipulation occurs when things run too fast in your personal relationships. Here, the emotional manipulator shows you an immense amount of affection and attention.
They make you feel like the center of their world. They will also buy you gifts and take you out on fancy dates, and even maybe awake late at night, sending you flirtatious texts. But, when you are too happy, all of their love services would suddenly halt.
This may not be seen as a manipulative approach because of how good it feels at the initial stage, but sadly it is one-of-a-kind manipulation, a very strategic one.
They Shift The Blame Onto You
In this manipulation, the blame always falls onto you no matter what the situation or who has done anything wrong. It’s inevitable. Even when your own instincts go against it, you cannot help but see yourself always on the wrong side.
They are playing mind games with you. This is often seen in relationships where the manipulator does not feel responsible enough to take accountability for their wrong deeds. Instead, they push the blame onto your shoulders, making you feel guilty for something you did not even do.
At times like these, it is critical to establish boundaries for your own life and your own personal emotional protection. Trust your gut feeling and never hesitate to speak up for yourself.
Hot And Cold Behavior
This technique has several similarities with the love bombing process. However, it occurs more frequently than the love bomb. This is the sort of mental puppeteering tactic that involves giving the insecurities of constant doubt and confusion.
At one moment, your partner can be the sweetest person to you, giving you endless affection and being everything you crave for. Whereas, the next moment, when the slightest thing changes or any disagreement between you two, they pull themselves apart.
This kind of emotional abuse is no less tormenting than any physical abuse.
5. Emotional Manipulation In Workplaces
In workplaces such as Offices, Business meetings, or even academic institutions, emotional manipulation is not uncommon to stumble upon.
Manipulative people are roaming for chances to make you doubt your capabilities or even may break down your encouragement right before your exam or an important presentation you must conduct.
Since this workplace situation is not necessarily based on closely formed relationships, the tactics to control and manipulate you could be much more subtle. The manipulators in workplaces generally prey on your values like kindness and helpfulness.
If your boundaries are weaker than usual, they will surely seek chances to benefit themselves from your free kindness. Now, let us dig deeper into what may be the signs of manipulation going on in your workplaces.
5.1 Signs of Emotional Manipulation In Workplaces
They Gossip About You Behind Your Back
This is a new kind of manipulation that is popular, especially in situations like group settings or workplaces. It is used to draw support systems or more people or friends to one’s side. To gain the support and likelihood of more people around the workplace, a manipulative person uses deceiving and harmful coping strategies to achieve it.
The manipulator may do a lot of harm to your friend circle, and they will not hesitate to tamper with your friendships with other people in order to isolate you and gain your support.
They may spread gossip and dubious fake rumors about you to others while doing the same to you.
They Devalue Your Skills
It is the definition of highly toxic critical judgments and discouragement. Co-workers may love to use this more than usual because of a certain competition.
People who are envious of their colleagues are designed to drag them down to get through or stand out more than others who are active users of this manipulation.
They devalue your opinions, ideas, or achievements and twist the subject into something focusing on your weakness. Do not feel confused, and do not worry; trust your gut feeling and turn a deaf ear to their words.
They Make You Feel Inferior To Them
This manipulation is called One-Upsmanship. By this mannerism, they will indirectly try to prove they are better than you overall. They will always try to drag you down, making themselves seen on a pedestal by you.
They will tend to act superior to you on literally anything. It could be about social, married life, profession, or even your day-to-day hobbies. This tactic is used to create a lack of confidence in yourself and your skills.
They Flatter You
One of the most innocent ways to manipulate, especially in business relationships. The person uses their flattering words as well as their charm to seek your likelihood. So that later on, they could use your support to their own advantage.
They will use their visual aesthetic as a key weapon to sneak into your mind and play puppetry with the strings of it. Look out for colleagues who tend to overdo giving you compliments.
Do not let your guard down, and equally set boundaries to prevent them from distracting you.
They Project Their Faults Onto Your Side
This is the kind of manipulation in which a person does not take accountability for their words or actions. They push the blame for their actions on your side while dramatically bypassing what they did wrong.
This type of emotional abuse can be seen in many places, especially at work or in academic institutions. The person here accuses you while implying that you are the reason the manipulator did the wrong thing.
You must be aware that this method is subtle, and many people can overlook this and take it as a normal reaction. Even if you interrogate your co-worker about that, they may overreact under pressure and can act distant from you by asking a simple question.
This mental abuse will leave you feeling as if you’re on the wrong side, whereas it is the opposite. That is how confusing it is. Please keep yourself calm and dissect the situation as per your point of view to stand up for yourself rather than giving in to the toxic trickery.
6. Wrap-Up Time!
We hope this will help you spot a potential manipulator easily this time. Always remember to establish clear boundaries and cut ties with manipulative relationships or people if it gets nasty. Till then, keep working on yourself and heal your emotional wounds!
Check Out: 8 Tips on How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
Protect yourself and help others protect themselves too!
Last Updated on by Sampurna Laha