How to know if you are being used for money? That question goes through many individuals’ minds, either when they get into a new relationship or have new friends. Realizing that your friend or partner is in contact with you to use you or your financial status can be heartbreaking.
Although thinking of false illusions in your head regarding others often can be very dangerous and quite frankly it’s self-destructive. Thus today to make things just a little clearer as we take a look at a few warning signs that might indicate that you might be with someone who is trying to use you.
1) Signs That Indicate That You Might Be Getting Used by Your Partner:
1.1) Refusal of Commitment
Relationships have their ups and downs, but at some point, things come down to this one factor, commitment. Commitment isn’t a legally binding label, it’s simply the acknowledgment that you are in a relationship with a person and you are loyal to them. I know putting a brand on your relationship is not the most necessary part, but it’ll make you feel better and more comfortable knowing that your partner is ready to get more serious. It’s an indication of a healthy relationship.
And this doesn’t simply go to the outright marriage scenario but merely acknowledges that you are in a relationship with someone and will stick to it for the duration of time you spend together.
Having a partner that’s unwilling to commit is a huge red flag. Even If they are vocal about it, the fact that they won’t commit to the relationship is shady. However, if we talk about individual cases, they might just have trust issues and problems being in a relationship due to their experience or maybe it’s just due to their mental health.
For some people, commitment is a big deal and it can make them reconsider things in their dating life. It can be a scary step for them. Although, this factor also depends on the duration of your relationship. If it’s been long since you’ve been dating your partner, it should be an easy and necessary step for both of you to commit to the relationship.
If your partner refuses to commit to the relationship, it might indicate that they are using you for something else rather than a loving relationship, in most cases the thing they are using you for is money.
Check if they are down for commitment: If you are not sure about their take on this subject, take your partner out for a date or just a general dinner and simply ask them if they are ready to be in a committed relationship. Their answer and their reason will make everything obvious.
Another way is how they introduce you to others; if they call it friendship instead of a romantic relationship, it raises red flags.
Try taking a step further like getting a pet together or moving in together, (given you’ve been with the person long enough) if they refuse to take a step further it might be because they are not ready for the commitment.
1.2) No Sign of Compromise
A relationship works when efforts are made from both sides, it’s a two-way street. Forming a common ground where both parties are satisfied is necessary. But if you’re the only one making compromises then it’s not a good sign for your relationship.
Sure making compromises is necessary on your part but, if it’s constantly from your side, it means you are being taken for granted by your partner. You both must make compromises for each other’s happiness. If everything goes the way your partner wants it against your wish, then you’ll find yourself in a position where you’ll lose everything.
When everything you want is outweighed by everything your partner wants, it’s a sign that you are being used. Because it underlines that your partner doesn’t care about what you want. People compromise when they feel the need to make someone else happy, and it’s something that comes from within.
It’s not a feeling you can force upon a person. So if they are naturally dominating and never compromise with anything, you should reconsider things.
Check if they are not compromising as much as you are: The easiest and most realistic way to know it, is when you start feeling like you are the only one compromising. The gut feeling that you are being used is usually the right one.
Check if they’ll meet the conditions that they made for you. Let’s take an example; you love watching anime and warning anime merch. Let’s say that your partner told you not to wear them in public anymore and you agreed.
Now let’s say you don’t like something that they do or say in public, try stopping them from doing that thing. If they refuse without a genuine reason, it’s probably because they don’t want to compromise.
When you start Standing up for yourself and speaking up when it’s necessary and it makes your partner irritated then that’s another red flag. In such cases, they’ll blame everything on you and give you a guilt trip, even if you gave up on your own needs and other things that hold importance for you.
1.3) Absence of Efforts From Their Side
Making an effort means everything in relationships but as stated before, every relationship needs to be two-way. When you start dating a person you make efforts in looking the way they prefer you to look, you’ll do things to keep them impressed, you’ll get in touch with them whenever you get the chance, etc. These are some small ways in which you make efforts to keep your partner entertained and happy with you.
There are times when your partner needs you the most, and that’s when you make an effort to console them and support them in any manner that you possibly can. This type of support is very important in any type of relationship. These are the most obvious ways to show affection. But when this starts being a one-sided effort, it becomes toxic, and it probably means that you are being used.
If your partner doesn’t make any efforts to make you feel special, support you when you need them, or even have the conversations that you want to have then it means that they don’t care about you enough to make an effort.
Check if your partner is not making any efforts: Let’s say you have been busy for a while, and couldn’t contact your partner. But they wouldn’t contact you on their own. This lack of initiative shows that they aren’t willing to make an effort.
Try giving them some small presents often, but if you don’t get anything in return, like appreciation or any other gesture of affection, it’s most likely that they wouldn’t do things that make you feel special.
1.4) They Need Frequent Favors From You
Now, exchanging small (or big) favors between couples is normal. But it becomes concerning when you are the one who’s being told to do stuff constantly. Asking for small favors now and then is okay, but when it becomes frequent, the chances are that you are being used. These types of people are more invested in material things than relationships.
Such cases become worse when they wouldn’t give you any favors you ask them. You’ll find yourself in a situation where they contact you just to get something done and when it’s your turn to ask for a favor, they’ll make up excuses or just leave you hanging there.
Check if your partner asks for favors frequently: Now, obviously, you’ll know when someone is asking too many favors from you. But it’s not too bad if they do. The problematic situation starts when they don’t return the favor.
Check Out: How to Break up a Relationship on Good Terms
Let’s say they constantly find new things that they need you for, once you are done doing those things, ask for a similar favor, their reaction to your request will make it obvious.
Secondly, you can try saying no to something they asked you to do (and you don’t really wanna do it); if they are calm about it, then that’s a good sign, but if they get mad at you for refusing, then take a step back and rethink about your relationship.
1.5) You Are the One Paying Constantly
Alright, this is the most direct and obvious sign that someone is taking advantage of you. It’s normal for partners to pay for each other at times but when it’s just you who pays for everything, then it raises some concerns. Have you ever been on dates and found yourself paying for every little thing? It’s awkward even to ask your partner to split the bill, but it certainly leaves a bad impression.
But this is still not a huge deal if it’s simply for the dates. It becomes toxic when you have to pay money for their expenses. Like they want to buy some personal item, and they make you pay for it. That’s not a decent or normal thing to do.
In case you’ve been partners for a long time, spending money for things once in a while could feel normal but paying their dues regularly means something is wrong. They should be urged to pay back your money at some point because that’s the decent thing to do.
Check if you are frequently the one giving money for things: As I said, if it’s small things or dates that you pay for it can be understandable, but everything has boundaries. Try to take them out for dinner or coffee and tell them that you forgot to bring money, let’s see if they pay the bills. Or try buying something for yourself and ask them to pay. Of course, if they do pay for your item, make sure to return the amount later.
But one thing you must do before making up your mind is try to be confrontational. It might be awkward, but it’ll make your love life go smoothly if you are with the right person. If you feel like you are paying for everything, tell them to split the amount.
Because, at times, people assume that you are comfortable paying for things that they demand. Being confrontational will either make them understand the situation, or they’ll get angry. And if it’s the second case, you are being used for your money.
1.6) Lack of Affection
Being affectionate with your partner is an essential element in a loving relationship. But if your partner shows no affection or appreciation for you and your efforts, it’s a clear sign that they aren’t emotionally invested in this relationship.
Everyone has their way of showing affection. At times people simply feel embarrassed to be physically or verbally affectionate but even the small gestures of active listening, appreciating you from time to time, or just deciding to go on a date and spend time together, can make you feel their affection.
When you feel like you aren’t getting any affection from this person in any shape or form, then that’s a problem.
1.7) Warnings From Your Friends and Family
Usually, when people get into new relationships,, they turn a blind eye to the negative character traits of the person they love. Even if they know that something is not right, they convince themselves that everything is perfect.
But your family and your close friends will eventually understand if you are making the right decision by dating your partner or not. It’s a big sign of being used when people who are close to you or know you are constantly warning you to distance yourself from this relationship. They are warning you for your best interests in mind.
One or two people could be wrong, but when you get multiple warnings from different people who know you well, you should try considering their advice at least once.
1.8) Secrecy in Relationship
When you are in a relationship, it’s usually the custom to let others know about it, but keeping things secretive might raise some concerns. When you announce your relationship, it means that you are letting people know about that person’s importance in your life, along with the fact that they are now taken or committed to you.
But when your partner refuses to acknowledge the relationship in public, it’s either because they are ashamed of the relationship itself or they are extremely shy. It could just be their circumstances,, but it still goes against a happy and smooth love life.
You might be getting used to the person, and by the end of the day, you’ll find it difficult to even tell others about it. You’ll have to see others making advances on that person, and you wouldn’t have the right to do or say anything. Mostly it’ll make you feel bad about yourself, and it’s a depressing thing to go through.
1.9) Little or No Information About Their Lives
When you are being used by your partner, you’ll realize that you don’t know much about their private life. Exchanging deep private experiences and thoughts with your partner is a comforting activity. It strengthens the relationship but have you been with someone who felt like a mystery even after spending a long time together?
You’ll open up to a person when you feel comfortable with them and feel close to them. So when you open up about yourself but you feel like you still don’t know much about your partner, it could be because they don’t feel close enough to tell you about their private life.
This is not always a sign of being used, but it’s not a good sign either. They could be secretive by nature, so before coming to conclusions, you should try making them comfortable around you so that they feel free to express themselves.
1.10) You Have To Apologize First Every Time
Every couple fights, and it’s usually resolved when one of them apologizes. But do you feel like you are the only one apologizing every time you get in a fight? This is a major warning sign for you.
Also, Check Out: 10 Life Hacks to Save a Relationship
Apologizing when you are wrong, or even when you aren’t wrong, implies that you want to put your differences behind you and be with your partner. But being the one who apologizes every time, even when it’s your partner’s fault, implies that they lack empathy or they have a massive ego. And both of these cases will lead to a toxic relationship. In the other signs I listed, things could be circumstantial, but when it comes down to this, you need to consider your future steps.
2) Signs That Your Friends Are Using You
2.1) Contacting When They Are in Need
Friends are meant to be there for each other, especially in need. But being available only when they need something from you means that you are being used by your friend.
This type of person would never contact you to know about your well-being or simply making a conversation. They’ll contact you only when they need something from you. Then they’ll ghost you once they get what they need.
2.2) Breaking Promises
Friends who frequently make promises and eventually break them aren’t trustworthy. People usually make vain promises when they need something from you, and they’ll make it sound like they’ll do you a favor in return. But they never do.
These people are never genuine or True to their words, so it’s better to maintain distance from their kind.
2.3) Lack of Gratitude
Appreciation is the crucial element defining your efforts. But at times, you’ll have friends that ask you for favors and make you put effort into something and don’t even give a few words of gratitude or appreciation. They’ll make you feel like your actions aren’t a big deal for them.
The thing worse than asking for a favor without appreciation is when you do something for them on your own as a gesture of affection or trust and still don’t get any remarks of appreciation. They’ll never show you gratitude even if you did something crucial for them. You can only distance yourself from such people because they’ll make you feel underappreciated.
2.4) You’ll Start Disliking Them
When you start observing their attitude and behavior towards you, you’ll also start noticing that you don’t like them. Let’s say you have a friend with all the above characteristics.
You’ll soon find yourself in such a miserable situation that you’ll eventually resent them and their nature. Once you get to this phase, it’s best to let go of them in every way possible.
2.5) You Are Reading This Article
The Ultimate sign that you are being used by people (partner or friend) is that you are reading this article. If you deliberately search for signs indicating that you are being used for money, then it means that you are thinking about it. And once you do start thinking about it, the chances are that you are being used.
It indicates that the way you or someone close to you is being treated in a way that makes you feel like you or your loved ones might be getting used for money.
3) Solution :
3.1) Stop Being a People Pleaser
A majority of people want others to like them, but pleasing everyone is quite a difficult task. In the process of becoming likable, you’ll start becoming a pushover. And once it reaches that point, you’ll become vulnerable for people to use you.
It’s a positive character trait to be nice to people but going to extreme lengths to make everyone like you is another story. You must understand that everyone can’t like you. People have their reservations about others, and you can’t fulfill each one.
So just stay the way you are, and don’t try to please others at the expense of your happiness, or you’ll end up being exploited by everyone. Set boundaries.
3.2) Listen to Your Close Friends and Family Members
This goes without saying, but when you get into a new relationship or even friendship, you’ll lose the ability to see the major flaws in your partner. This is normal for every new couple, it’s even termed the “Honeymoon phase,” so differentiating right from wrong must be difficult for you in this phase.
This leaves you with one solution, listen to your family and friends. They aren’t blinded by the new relationship, so they’ll pick up on all the red flags we’ve mentioned.
Besides, They’ve known you for a long time. If they point out something wrong, you should consider looking into the matter.
It’s not definitive that they can’t be wrong, but it’s no harm if you keep their words in mind. Try to observe if what they said is true or not. You’ll know your answer eventually.
3.3) Confrontation is the Key
Not being sure about a situation is normal when it involves someone else. When you feel like you aren’t being treated well or if you have doubts, the simplest thing you need to do is confront your partner or friends regarding the matter.
It’s tough to speak whatever is in your mind, but keeping it sealed will become serious trust issues. It’ll make your relationship toxic since you’ll always find yourself in a position where you can’t trust your partner. You’ll doubt everything they do, and this can do you more harm than being confrontational.
Don’t start blaming everything on your partner or friend. Sit down with them and tell them your problem, what you think and what the reality is. If you think that they are asking too. Many favors or not making any efforts in the relationship, then tell them.
If the situation can be fixed, then it’ll be fixed, but if your partner/friend is using you, then it’ll become obvious from their reaction and future activities. When you realize that things are wrong, the healthy thing to do is simply accept the facts and move on.
3.4) Learn To Say No
Once you find a friend or partner you always wanted, you’ll feel obligated to accept every request they make. This can prove to be a big problem. You have to say no and decline requests that go against your will. You must set healthy boundaries.
Once you start doing and saying everything the other party wants you to do and say, then you’ll be taken for granted. It’s a slow process but you won’t realize how you got there when it’s at its peak. When you feel like you agree to something that you don’t want to agree to, then give your reason and say no.
Once you find a friend or partner you always wanted, you’ll feel obligated to accept every request they make. It could be a problem. You have to say no and decline requests that go against your will.
Once you start doing and saying everything the other party wants you to do and say, then you’ll be taken for granted. It’s a slow process, but you won’t realize how you got there when it’s at its peak. When you feel like you agree to something that you don’t want to agree to, then give your reason and say no.
3.5) Follow Your Instincts
We usually don’t give it enough credit, but your instincts won’t fail you when you face this situation. I’ve said this multiple times in this article; you’ll know when you are being used; you can stay in denial or face it; that’s your choice. But when you feel like things have gone far enough, you need to follow your instincts.
But don’t confuse your instincts with impulsive behavior. Following your instincts means that you need to accept that something is wrong. You must look into it and face the situation head-on. If you are certain you are being used by someone, then distance yourself from them before it’s too late. Don’t blind yourself!
Every human relationship has its complexity. But being cheated on or used for money is an extremely sad revelation that can harm anyone’s self-esteem. But you must stay strong! Things will get better when you spend time with better people.
Additionally, Paying attention to these signs is natural, but overthinking every part of your friendship or relationship can build trust issues for you.
All the warning signs above are minor hints and activities that raise suspicions. Even if someone matches a few of these qualities, it doesn’t outright make them guilty of being someone who uses people or is currently using you. So be careful and analyze things properly without coming to an immediate conclusion. But if you become certain about their motive, you’ll know what’s the right thing to do.