Here is a guide for people to maintain healthy relationships and feel cherished by their loved ones. People who are reading this if you are single, you might find this a bit annoying to read because you need a lover to implement these tips from the article.
A lot of married couples aren’t living a happy life because they don’t love each other. Be it arranged marriages or love marriages. People are just playing their roles as fathers and mothers. This is the reason people feel a sense of incompleteness in their relationships. Just because you are married doesn’t mean you can’t focus on yourselves. You can’t spread love when your heart isn’t filled with love.
1. What is Love?
Before we dive into love languages, let me tell you what love is. I’m just kidding. Who doesn’t know what love is? Probably, no one. These days, children of age 12 are in love, guys. Can you believe that? Now, don’t throw the cliche “Love has no age” at me.
Let’s admit it, we all crave love. No matter how broke you are, or cheated, or even if you fool yourself that being single is cool AF. Love is the most prominent emotion in the world that is built upon many feelings like trust, care, respect, and loyalty. On top of that, if you add a pinch of friendship, your love is well served. Yum… Yum.
Before you fall in love with someone, make sure you have enough self-love. Unfortunately, we do only when it’s long after someone stops loving us. Practice self-love while you are young.
2. Let us Know Something about Dr. Gary Chapman
Gary Chapman is the author of “The Five Love Languages.” He received a Doctor of Philosophy, and he served as a marriage and family counselor for 30 years. During his time as a marriage counselor, he noticed the commonness of the issues faced by romantic partners. Years of observation led him to write this book successfully.
You must always have love flowing between you and your partner. This is what Chapman calls the Love Tanks. Like fuel tanks, you’ve got to fill your love tanks with love to ensure a beautiful ride. Keep reading and learn in deep about love languages, to never let your love tanks empty.
3. What is a Love Language?
People express their love in differing styles. They have their own definition of love and ways of giving and receiving love, which is their own love language. No matter how much love you possess for a person in a relationship, if you don’t love them in their preferred way, they feel that they aren’t loved at all.
Everyone has a primary love language, the one that we are more accustomed to. We possess other love languages also, but minimally. With the help of love language theory, you can also find your and others’ love languages.
Love languages apply to relationships like friendships, peers, teenagers, etc.
4. What are the Five Different Love Languages?
You only feel loved when you have loved the way you want. That’s what these love languages are about. Love Languages explain how people express affection and receive love in relationships. What you want in a relationship all fall under any of these five languages.
According to the Love Languages theory, these are the five different love languages,
Words of affirmation
Acts of service
4.1) Words of Affirmation
“Actions speak louder than words,” by Mark Twain. Sorry, Mr. Mark, but people in this category don’t abide by your quote.
Mostly, girls have this as their primary love language. Girls fall for kind words. They want their partner to shower them with cherishing words constantly. They love to hear compliments. You’ve got to appreciate them frequently by noticing their tiny details. Express your feelings for that person with words filled with compassion.
Children also tend to expect this at their age. They want to be appreciated and encouraged by others.
Some verbal compliments would be “You look so smart in that suit,” “I wanted to thank you for helping me out,” and “Thank you for waiting for me.” You’ve got to show people your affection by expressing how grateful you are for the little things they help you with.
People have the potential to do things on a greater level, but they are afraid to begin. Fear of failure overrides their interest. They need words of appreciation and encouragement at that moment more than ever. Appreciate the little good things they do. They’ll feel joyous, and they will notice the way they receive affection.
There’s a big difference between appreciation and flattery. You appreciate people for the good deeds they perform. Flattery is what you do when you want something desperately from another person. You go beyond appreciation. You say phrases like “Nobody can do this better than you,” “You are unbeatable at that,” and many more ways to flatter.
You can’t demand your partner to do things when they don’t want to do them in the first place. Pressurizing them to do those things would only cause uneasiness and discomfort.
When you share compliments regularly with your partner, you tend to build good vibes around that person. Even though you might not have this as your primary love language, you need to speak with positive words for greater communication. The more you communicate, the more you understand their mood and perception.
4.2) Quality Time
Time is probably the best gift you can give to someone. People under this type know that certainly well. They expect their partner to spend quality time with them. Grandeur isn’t pretty much their thing. They would take great pleasure in spending time with you even if you both are doing nothing.
These people adore the mere presence of their partner. They prefer privacy to have focused time. Date night is a monumental idea to love these people. Quality time is known to be the most common love language in relationships.
The way you allot some quality time with your partner is what impresses them most. Conversation with them after a tiring day would make them feel better. You’ve got to let them know you have dismissed other plans just to spend time with your partner. You don’t have to mention that, which would be an overstatement. You need to display keen interest while they’re speaking.
I suggest you spend 20 minutes with your partner every day. During that time, put your phones on DND mode and turn off any smart device that might cause a disturbance to ensure you focus on your partner. Make eye contact with your partner, which is essential as a listener.
If you go for a walk at that time, it would also work well. Give your partner your undivided attention the whole time. Sit down with your partner and talk about how both of your days were. Show affection during the conversation and listen to them deeply. This way, your partner will feel more comfortable and share his/her concerns.
4.3) Receiving Gifts
Gift-giving is a salient part of all relationships. Some are likely intrigued by materialistic gifts which are expensive. People with ‘receiving gifts’ as their primary love language expect surprises from their partners. These are particularly thoughtful gifts that resemble a profound meaning which is why handwritten letters feel so adorable.
Gifts are an easier way to show love. As children, we used to give flowers to the people we adored. You can find if ‘receiving gifts’ is your partner’s primary love language by their reaction and how they preserve your gifts.
Gifts shouldn’t be based on impressions. The gifts shouldn’t be based on trending, popularity, or cost unless your partner is into fashion. Gifts should be personal.
Exchanging rings at a wedding display a clear attempt at giving and receiving gifts.
You should know the difference between spending and investing. Spending is buying something for a certain use or purpose. But investing is buying something that will benefit you or increase your happiness. If you are a savings person, you might find it difficult to spend money on gifts.
As I explained, you aren’t spending money when buying gifts for the people you love. You are investing in your love and your relationship.
4.4) Acts of Service
“Actions speak louder than words.” This quote by Mark Twain sums up the whole definition of this language. People of this love language express love by doing things. Doing the chores for your partner and sharing their responsibilities makes them feel loved.
Let’s say you reach home before your partner, after work. Your partner loves green tea. You know that workdays are energy-consuming. Make them a cup of green tea when they reach home and serve them. They would feel so relaxed after consuming it. They will also appreciate your efforts and feel loved by your acts. It’s so comforting for them to realize that you know how much he/she likes green tea.
There are many acts of service, like helping your partner in cleaning dishes, vacuuming, doing the laundry, setting the dining table, etc. They can also be called acts of love since you show your love by reducing their work and giving them some rest.
4.5) Physical Touch
The physical touch, i.e., intimacy, is indispensable among the love languages. The word ‘intimacy’ has derived a slightly altered meaning than what it meant. People think intimacy is about hookups and making out with the evolving trends.
Intimacy is the way of feeling each other’s warmth and finding comfort in that person. Intimacy has adverse effects on relationships. We’ve seen scenes from movies where the little strand of hair of the actress sliding over the actor’s face rushes his adrenaline.
Some of the most intimate moments are holding hands, resting your head on your shoulder, and hugs. A tight warm hug can reduce your stress level drastically. Everyone prefers hugs in a relationship. There aren’t any exceptions to that.
People with intimacy as their primary language tend to have a better physical relationship with their partner. A physical relationship with your partner isn’t as easy as it sounds. Because your partner might not respond well to your touch. People have different approaches and responses to physical relationships. Therefore, better communication would be encouraged for greater intimacy.
5. How to Find Your Love Language?
You would know your ways of showing love to a person. Notice the little things that you would expect from your partner. Relate them to Chapman’s theory to find your preferred love language. Some people might experience close proximity to different love languages. They find it difficult to know which is their primary love language.
Likewise, I was in a dilemma of finding my primary love language. It was a big confusion between quality time and physical touch. I took an online quiz to find out that physical touch is my primary love language.
You can take this free love language quiz, 5lovelanguagesquiz, by Gary Chapman.
6. Is it Important to Share the same Love Language with Your Partner?
It isn’t mandatory to share a common love language. It’s just sheer luck to share the same language. But you need to know your partner’s love language, or else you must go out of your way to show that you love them.
You can find your partner’s love language by observing the way he/she loves you. You could also ask your partner to take the quiz and get to know their love language. You need to try to develop his/her primary love language as your secondary language.
As a partner, it is agreeable if you think you want to receive love as much as you give in a relationship. Therefore, you need to explain your love language to your partner. You have to let them know about your ways of receiving love. It is important for both of you to be happy and comfortable around each other.
You can lead happy family life only if you build a healthy relationship with your partner.
7. How does Love Language Benefit Relationships?
Love Languages impact our relationships in so many ways. Everything we do for our partner in a relationship is a love language.
7.1) Promotes Better Understanding
Knowing your partner’s love language helps in improving your communication. The more you communicate, the more likely you are to understand each other. When you understand your partner you tend to know their pattern – their behavior, their response to situations, and sometimes their insights. By knowing these, you’ll have a better understanding of how to solve your relationship issues and other family problems together.
7.2) Reduces Anxiety
When you have a person who appreciates and accepts you for who you are, you tend to feel less insecure. Insecurities are the major factors of depression and anxiety. Having a supportive and understanding partner helps reduce anxiety. This allows us focus more on ourselves and improve as a person. The hardships of each passing day encountered at work and in the society can we wiped away with the love of a caring partner.
7.3) More Quality Time
As you understand each other so well, there isn’t going to be enough room for misunderstanding. You look forward to spending time with them every day. Your stress from work will mitigate when you spend quality time with them. This nurtures your relationship.
Quality time improves mood and relieves stress. It is about openness – open to suggestions, opinions and expectations. To sort things out, you need to first talk things out. If you both can’t work on an issue, you can ask help for a mutual person or a counsellor.
7.4) Improves Intimacy
For a long time, discussing sexual life has been considered taboo. It is absolutely normal to discuss sexual life between partners. People have different aspects and respond differently to sex. It is important to know their insights and desires.
Good sex life is only possible if you talk about it with your partner. You can only talk about it when you feel comfortable around that person. You’ve got to respect each other’s desires and not criticize them. By doing this, you can raise your intimacy level.
8. How Important It Is To Keep Your Love Tanks Full?
Your love tank is the thing that defines your love life. The more comfortable you feel in your relationship your love tank stays full. It also works the same in vice-versa. You’ve got to keep your love tank full to be able to have a healthy relationship. Your partner and you need to know well about each other’s love languages and act accordingly.
9. Few Tips to Improve Your Relationship
Spend time alone.
Respect each other’s privacy.
Appreciate in public.
Opiniate in private.
Be more intimate.
Keep your love tanks full so that you can go a long way.