Being born in India means at some point in your life, you will be facing Bollywood in all its glory. Yes, “The” Bollywood with a lot of drama, action and of course, romance and love. And from Bollywood to Hollywood, occasionally Tollywood too,  it’s the message that these movies have been giving for so long that has been misleading every generation and giving a very wrong idea about “Love”.

I came to the realisation that people are so desperate to find “Romantic Love” when my friends kept asking when I am going to get a boyfriend, or why am I still single.  With the whole world dancing to “Main Tera Boyfriend, Tu Meri Girlfriend” ( Thank you J Star) ,  the thought of “what it would be like to have a boyfriend” did occur to me, but thanks to my emotionally tortured friends who came crying to me after their break ups, who taught me to not have one. Kids from my class were more worried about finding a girlfriend before the school farewell party than their class 12^th board exams! All this was disturbing and heartbreaking in equal measures. We were going to be out of school soon, with the whole world offering us amazing opportunities to learn, explore and expand our brains, but what worried people was the lack of a partner in their arms.

Well, the “good for some” and “bad for the rest” news is that you all can survive without the romance aspect of life for quite some time, that meaning a good 30 years, till you have your life sorted. Yes, you eat well, drink well, sleep well and live well even without a girlfriend/boyfriend, whichever you prefer.

loving couple

Finding the one isn’t the goal

This whole I-need-to-find-the-One mentality makes me roll my eyes so hard that I can watch my brain trying to explode and end the suffering. The idea that you HAVE to find someone to whisper “I love you” to that has been dragged on by our society for so long that it has led to misunderstandings and even violence.  Young adults are going around raping and murdering women just because they were not interested and it hurt their egos because a woman didn’t like a man and he couldn’t handle the humiliation. Where do you think they learned that following a girl and sending her flowers at workplace and home will guarantee a date or even marriage? Movies have often portrayed the hero harassing the heroine as “Wooing” her, but the impact on people has been long lasting and not everyone has realised that such actions are termed harassment and molestation. Watching their idols do such things on-screen has inspired many actor-worshippers to do the same.

Movies portraying a romantic couple deep in “Love”

What needs to stop is the notion that one has to find their “The One” to be happy and successful. I hate the idea that Love is the ultimate goal or the problem solver, it is nothing but a menace, especially when found at the wrong place at the wrong time.

What happened to our dreams and goals? What happened to following our aspirations?  What happened to finding the work that you love? Everyone has been so blinded with the desperation to find love that we have stopped loving what we have, what we do and what we should love. There’s a dire need to revise priorities by what we should be doing at that point in our lives.

chase after your dreams, not love

I have dropped the idea of ever getting wooed by someone, at least for now. I do not need another living being to validate my love, feel loved or special, or feel worthy. I love myself, my family and my friends. I love walking alone in a park. I am a weirdo who finds solace in books, coffee and good food, in painting and music, in dogs and cats, in learning and teaching, in dancing and singing.

I love visiting a book store. I love reading on a rainy day with hot coffee in the other hand. In the near future, I will love my pet dog to death. I will love the work I do and helping others whenever I can. I will love travelling around the world and seeing everything on the Earth with my own two eyes. Of course, I can never stop loving my bed!

So stop looking for love, and harassing someone else in search of it. Learn to love yourself first. For when the time comes, and you feel the need to find a partner your top priority, you will. And if you don’t, then enjoy what you love doing. After all, you don’t HAVE to settle down.

Last Updated on August 28, 2023 by Himani Rawat