Friday, September 24, 2021

What’s With This “Good Morning” That Everyone Talks About?

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Okay. So, if you live in a cave down south, or you have no idea what neighbors are for, then let me tell you what’s been up and running since humans made rules regarding manners and etiquette. Before that, I would like to pull off a slight little Tarantino-ish-filming-technique-applied-to-an-article-kinda-thing-which-makes-no-sense to you. This means I will give you a run-down on today’s lifestyles before I talk about the coming of age of this flawed and frangible humanity. (Tarantino – no offense, much love!)

So, love is obsolete (except for the mother. That poor creature!). Relationships are meaningless (unless you are Hugh Hefner and you own a mansion or find a real-life Jack or Rose, like Titanic. Boys have no hope; Jack dies anyway! Cheers to the power of Love!). Whatsapp-ing has replaced messaging (a moment of silence for all people who add booster messaging packs to their accounts, of course, assuming they still exist, in all the glories of the world!). In this world, where replacements and advancements seem to be the norm for living life peacefully, (Oh! peace – the grandest of all illusions; but, okay, we can work with that for a while!) and everybody being a Karl Marx or a Salman Rushdie or a JK Rowling for themselves, thanks to the timely advent of the Internet, enabling people to shove their works down other people’s throat, one thing, though, hasn’t changed at all – not one bit: Good Morning! Good…..Morning!

There have been no definitive explanations as to how this term originated. Some say that it should be preceded with “God give you a..”, which is kind of a random manifestation of the human tendency to be optimistic and the tendency to help others feel good. Others are just dumb, like me (that’s one hell of a lot of dumb people), having no idea why they say Good Morning (or if you want to patch things together with your crush in German class, to proceed on Romeo-Juliet love life, except for the early death, then go with “Guten Morgen”! it could work wonders!).

I have a question. No. I have questions. First up, why is it supposed to be a “Good Morning”? I mean, yeah, you mean well, but it has got to make sense. Like, who knows! Your neighbor might have knocked his brother-in-law out cold. It isn’t a good morning for him. (I have no idea why I picked the brother-in-law, by the way!) The grandma down the street might have had all her teeth fallen off, which marks her another step closer to the pit. It, certainly, isn’t a good morning for her. Your office colleague’s wife would have vowed to divorce him that morning. It isn’t…well, you know the deal.

Second up, you yourself know what mornings are about. The most irritating thing about waking up in the morning is, well, waking up in the morning! Then you got to brush, bathe, eat….phew! SSDD – Same …. a Different Day, as that Stephen King novel Dreamcatcher blurts out. Then, it’s an office, or school or college: they are basically: Hell. Only with furnished doors and windows, for people who actually are alive.

Yo, that phrase, after beef and Sunny Leone (Oh wait! Sunny isn’t banned! Not yet! Thank the Almighty!), should be banned. Like, everybody should stop saying it. No morning is always good. Reserve the “Good” for the night, or if you are still going to say “Good Morning,” then change the cycle: Let people go to work and schools and colleges during the night and sleep for the day. (I wonder what Batman will be doing! Food for thought!)

If this doesn’t help you get a clear picture about everything that’s wrong with Good Morning, then, Lord help you! Peace! Other than that, shout out to all the people who have no idea what to do with their lives *from a fellow brother*.

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