Your girlfriend should be someone in your life who you go to for love, support, and affection. It should not feel like there is always a barrier between you two but if the thought has crossed your mind that “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?”, then there might be certain reasons that you need to understand.
It might have happened that she is upset with something which she is not so comfortable sharing with you. She might be sad or grumpy about that apparent reason. You should confront her about it and make her understand that her behavior is bothering you. There might be a few things that are going on in her mind. So you can go through this article to figure out the possible reasons and figure out what to do about it.
Reasons Why Your Girlfriend is So Mean to You?
There is a high chance that your girlfriend’s irritation has nothing to do with you and you are just overthinking. There are things happening like study or work stress or she might be dealing with mental health issues and other external factors.
The majority of couples feel that they are really compatible but fail to notice when there is a lack of communication between them. It might have happened that you both had an argument and later, it got resolved somehow but you both didn’t talk about it, or she might have been wanting to have a discussion about something for quite some time and you are not paying any attention to it. These communication styles significantly impact your relationship and might become a huge problem later on.
If you feel you are not communicating enough, you can start today by initiating a chat and trying to have a calm conversation. Do not impose your thoughts on her and just speak about how her behavior is affecting you and if there is an apparent reason for it. She might not be doing it on purpose and discussing things will definitely help you with your relationship issues.
Too Much Stress
Another reason the question is crossing your mind as, “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me” is because she’s stressed. If you have noticed a change in your girlfriend’s behavior such as frequently changeable mood, a bad attitude, or silent treatment, then it’s a clear sign that something is wrong and she’s keeping it to herself. She might be stressed due to personal problems such as family issues, work pressure, or exams.
She might have had a bad day or did not get the expected promotion. All these issues may pile up and that’s why she might be taking things out on you. Give her some space until she is comfortable and then talk things out.
PMS or Hormonal Fluctuations
PMS means premenstrual syndrome, which some go through once every month in their menstrual cycle. This triggers her anxiety, frequent mood swings, and depression. You might notice that she’s angry more often or she’s acting a bit rude. This is because she’s dealing with painful cramps, nausea, and a headache. Generally, it’s really difficult for women to control anger issues and a bad mood during this period. So, she might lash out and react more intensely.
If you are wondering “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me”, remember that this is because of the hormonal changes and the discomfort that she’s going through. Do not be pissed off or upset by that unwanted behavior, instead help her to feel at ease by giving her a massage, and try not to ruin your girlfriend’s mood by initiating a conversation or making unnecessary comments that your girlfriend hates.
Her Desires and Expectations are Not Being Met
It can be possible that you are not meeting your girlfriend’s needs and expectations that she has regarding you. Highly trained relationship coaches always state this reason as one of the major reasons for the downfall of a successful relationship. She might have some desires or fantasies in bed that she is not getting from you which is making things worse. Maybe, she is not liking certain acts in bed or not feeling satisfied which is resulting in such angry emotions.
You should understand that not everyone is vocal about their unspoken desires. So, you have to pay extra attention to her so that she can be vocal about her needs. If your girlfriend refuses to do a certain act, do not force her and try to take her desires and expectations into consideration for maintaining a strong bond.
She is Having Issues With Her Boundaries
It is important to set healthy boundaries between partners otherwise it may turn into a toxic relationship. If your girlfriend is struggling to speak up and set healthy boundaries, then you should pay attention to it. This might be possible that you are invading her personal space either physically or mentally. Either, she is not getting enough space in the relationship or you are invading her privacy.
Remember that you are not her whole world, you are just a part of her world. Don’t be too clingy or over possessive and try engaging yourself in other activities. Give her some time to miss you and see the wonders! Follow this tailor-made advice and observe a change in your girlfriend’s behavior.
Another reason that she is mean to you is that she is getting possessive or insecure about something. Are you being a bit too close with your female friends or that office colleague? This might be a reason for her mean behavior if that makes sense. You have to understand that there are certain personal boundaries that should never get crossed when you are in a serious relationship.
Stop flirting with women if she is not liking it or she has tried talking about it a lot of times. It may affect her self-esteem and she won’t be able to take the relationship in a healthy way. It is toxic behavior to disrespect your partner and not take her feelings into consideration.
It is Just a Part of Her Personality
You need to see if she behaves this way just with you or if she is mean to everyone else as well. If she is always nasty and moody, then it’s a part of her whole character. This is because she has extreme anger or is a bit selfish. It may also happen that she is a bit spoiled in her family and yet to become emotionally mature. Maybe she has always got things from her parents when she has either thrown tantrums or been mean to them.
You might be prepared to handle an occasional moody or grumpy behavior but it becomes a serious issue when it’s happening all the time. You should understand that mostly, people are built emotionally differently. They have little empathy for others and they are not able to connect with people on a more deeper and emotional level. Neither do they want to broaden their minds nor do they want to understand things from others’ points of view. They are quite stubborn and do not consider other people’s emotions.
All you can do is not take things personally. Understand that this is nothing new and she pretty much deals with everyone like this. If you tend to behave rudely as well, then it is only going to arise negative emotions in the relationship. These negative behaviors may hamper your productivity and happiness. Just accept that nobody is perfect and eventually, it will get easier for you to deal with things.
She Wants to Break Up With You
There might be certain reasons that your partner no longer feels emotionally or physically connected to you and wants to break up. According to a relationship expert, some people often tend to bottle up their own feelings and try to be rude and mean to their partner to push them away as it makes the break up easier. They may have some unspoken expectations that are not getting fulfilled by you or maybe they have found someone else.
As painful as it might sound, you must remember that it does not make you unworthy or a bad partner. Confront your partner about it rather than assuming stuff, speak about the personal issues, and try to sort them but still, if she decides to part ways, be respectful about it and let her go. You can take professional help if you feel extremely depressed.
She Had An Abusive Relationship
According to our relationship coach, if your girlfriend had any traumatizing past experiences, and she has still not gotten over it, then it can have a negative impact on her current relationship. If she was in an abusive relationship, there might be certain incidents that haunt her still now and she is not able to open up her guard thinking that if she does, she might get hurt again.
Not everyone can move on too quickly from past experiences. You need to talk to her and make her feel safe and secure rather than giving her a tag of a “mean girlfriend” or a “rude girlfriend”. Try understanding the cause of her mean behavior, calm her down, and help her to move on. She might be difficult but in the end, it will be worth the hardships and difficulties.
She is Going Through Depression
It might be very easy to google search “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?” rather than talking to her and actually sorting things out with her. There are certain character traits when someone is dealing with mental health issues and depression:-
- Being zoned out and forgetful– A person might remember a certain thing and forget it in just a few minutes because he/she must not have been able to pay attention to it and basically been zoned out.
- Bipolar disorder- It is a mental health illness that causes random mood swings and affects energy levels and concentration in a person making it difficult for them to deal with daily life and personal problems.
- Passive aggressive behaviors- It is an issue that affects mental health in such a way that the person always tends to express negative feelings instead of addressing them in a healthy and positive way.
Other issues are also there such as:-
- Mood swings
- Rude behavior
- Getting angry too easily (extreme anger issues)
- Bad mood
A history of mental health problems in her family member can also trigger the issue. So, if your girlfriend is acting indifferent, showing passive-aggressive behavior, or having excessive mood swings for the past few days, then there might be something that is bothering her on a deeper level.
She Wants Your Attention
A woman’s mood often depends on how she is getting treated by you. Ask yourself a question,” Do I give her enough attention?”. Maybe you are busy with your work and you are not able to give her enough time and attention that she deserves. This can be the reason for her bad mood and bad behavior. She is starting to think that bad attention is better than zero attention as you are only giving her attention when she is mean to you or this might be possible that she is just an attention seeker.
Understand the core reason for her bad behavior and why she’s rude to you. When she lashes out at you, be silent at that time and ignore her rudeness. Come back with a positive attitude and shower her with love and attention. Also, make sure to not tolerate disrespect because of her passive-aggressive behavior and talk it out with her when it is bothering you to maintain a healthy relationship.
She Might Have Anger Issues
You may sometimes think, “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me” or “I have a really toxic girlfriend!” because every time you try to initiate any conversation, you become the prey of her bad behavior. Anger issues happen when a person feels that things are getting out of control and may feel vulnerable or threatened by it and then they can show anger as a way of taking things under control. It might be very difficult for you to deal with her bad behavior but patience is the best key in this situation. Try your best to calm your angry girlfriend.
These are all the possible answers to your question, “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?”. By now, you might have been able to figure out a lot about your angry girlfriend and must be thinking about how to handle your woman’s mood. No worries! We have got your back!
How to Deal With Your Angry Girlfriend?
Set Healthy Boundaries
Be crystal clear about what you want in your life and think about how can you achieve it. Stand up for yourself if you feel that she is being a toxic girlfriend and crossing all the boundaries that you have set for yourself. Let her know when she has crossed the line and make her understand that if she can not respect your boundaries, she can no more be a part of your life.
Do Not Tolerate Disrespect
Instead of just wondering, “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?”, learn to act towards that mean behavior. If she is going below the belt and not treating you with the same respect and kindness that you treat her with, confront her about it. Make her understand that you won’t be encouraging her meah behavior and demand the same respect and love from her.
Practice Self Love
You cannot expect someone else to love and respect you if you do not respect yourself. Remember you should be your first priority and not let anyone else take you for granted. Take care of yourself and make out time for yourself such as focusing on your studies and work, spending time with your friends, watching a movie, or exploring other fun activities. Be engaged with your schedule and explore things about yourself.
Communicate With Her
Clear communication is very effective in a healthy relationship. Have a conversation with your girlfriend as to which and why things are bothering you. Tell her when you feel bad or hurt by any of her words and actions. Make her understand that you feel hurt when she disrespects you or when she shuts down your opinions in a demeaning way. If she genuinely loves you and cares for you, she is surely going to understand and rectify her behavior.
Talk to a Therapist If Needed
Depression can often bring out the worst in people. If she had some traumatizing experiences in the past that she is not able to let go of and suffering from mental health issues, assure her that you are there for her and she can openly discuss her issues with you without any hesitation. If she is comfortable seeking professional help, she can even do that. You can even emphasize with her, give her time and attention and explore a new hobby or fun activities together.
Know If the Situation is Demanding You to End Things
If you have tried everything possible to sort out things to the best of your ability but you just cannot stop your girlfriend’s mean behavior towards you, know it’s time for you to walk away. Try to talk to her about it before completely ending things but if you see that the disrespect and cruelty are still there, put your self-respect first and understand that it is solely not your responsibility to maintain a healthy relationship. Your partner also has a role to play and if she is not taking that responsibility, time for you to move on to better things in your life.
At the end of the day, we all want to be happy and loved in our relationships but if the thought keeps crossing your mind, ‘Why is my girlfriend so mean to me’, then you should definitely not avoid it because if your girlfriend gets mad at you even on the smallest of things, then that is a major red flag. The world has already a lot of burdens and hardships to offer you, so you need a person who you can call ‘home’ and who can give you the love and affection that you deserve.
1. What causes stress in my girlfriend’s life?
Stressors like extreme workloads in the office or family issues may cause stress in everyday life. There are also chances that you might have done something that she did not like or she is not getting the treatment that she wants from the relationship. Talk to her to find out what’s wrong and try to fix those things.
2. How to make my girlfriend happy?
The best thing you can do is treat her right and communicate your feelings with her. You can plan a surprise for her at a romantic place and treat her to her favorite food. Gift her flowers, shower her with affection, hold her hands in public if she loves PDA or you can even plan fun dates with her.
3. What to do if my girlfriend is busy?
Remember that your whole life should not revolve around your girlfriend. As much as you love her and want to spend time with her, remember that you should have some time for yourself as well. Do not act too clingy, rather focus on other things. Read your favorite book, watch a movie, complete your work to-do list, and make plans with your friends.
4. How do I move on after a break-up?
Moving on from a breakup is not so easy but it is not impossible either. You should give yourself time to accept things and feel hurt. Do not rush or avoid your feelings as it will make the situation worse. Remember to give yourself a break and give yourself the much-needed space that you want. If needed, talk to your family and friends, and look after yourself.