We frequently hear how essential communication is, but not what it is or how to fix communication in a relationship.
Good communication is a vital component of every good partnership. Every relationship has ups and downs, but good communication skills may help you cope with disagreement and establish a stronger, healthier partnership.
More often than not the proverb of Communication is the Key goes round, especially if you’re involved in romantic relationships. But is it true? Do we need communication to fix relationship problems? Will communicating fix it all? Can a relationship survive with little communication?
Well, the truth is effective communication is vital in relationships if you want to have a happy, healthy relationship. It’s also not about making small conversations. Understanding how to communicate in a relationship is all about meeting your partner’s needs. For establishing good communication in your relationship, learn to listen to your partner’s point first, then discuss. It’s also worth noting that no communication is the end or gradual death of any relationship, but you can alter things.
In a relationship, poor communication can push you and your partner apart. Though it may not appear severe, a lack of communication can lead to conflict and lasting harm to your relationship.
When there is a communication breakdown, your relationship runs the danger of generating doubt and uneasiness. What good is a relationship if you can’t openly and easily communicate with your partner? When communication issues dominate the positive aspects of your relationship, you are setting yourself up for failure. Learning correct communication in a relationship takes time, and if it is created ineffectively, you must work together to reset the clock and construct a fresh foundation.
What causes poor communication in relationships?
Many people make the mistake of unconsciously believing that their partner is a mind reader, and they become irritated when their partner does something that does not correspond to what they expected. That’s where more often than not the root of the problem.
If you are here, chances are you were able to identify poor communication and are finding ways to fill in the void.
Here’s How to Fix Communication in a Relationship:
These tactics can help you both healthily improve communication abilities, fix communication problems, help build healthy communication skills and help you feel the true connection on a deeper level whether you’re just starting as a couple or have been together for years.
1. First, go through your emotions
Before you talk to your partner about an issue that is bothering you, make sure to process your feelings about it and calm yourself first.
Before speaking with your spouse, go for a little stroll or listen to some soothing music. You’ll be more in control of your emotions and able to communicate effectively as a result.
2. Determine the best time to do the talking
Everything has its time and place. Consider more than simply scheduling convenience when selecting when to discuss things with your significant other. Making time to address a lack of communication in a relationship can be a challenge in and of itself. However, it is equally crucial to ensure that both of you are in the correct frame of mind and on the same page to discuss.
When you ask to speak, make sure neither of you is angry or disturbed. Though we advocate being honest and upfront with your relationship, discussing issues when one side is excessively emotional can lead to poor communication. In heated situations, you are more prone to say things you don’t mean, so be cautious when your emotions are still high, as they may obscure your judgment and reactions.
3. Recognize your communication patterns
Communication and relationships are not the same. Recognizing this will lead to more effective communication in your relationship. Your partner may be telling you exactly what they require, but you must be aware of how they communicate this information to you. Miscommunication will cost you the opportunity to create trust and closeness, and you will both be frustrated.
When trying to learn how to communicate better, observe how your partner responds to varied perceptual cues over a day or two. Are they more responsive to seeing and watching? Hearing and conversing? Or what about touching and doing? For example, if your partner is more sensitive to language, tone, and other aural signals, making plenty of eye contact and delicate facial expressions may not be as effective as you believe. You are sending signals, but they are not receiving them. However, if you discover that you are an auditory person and your spouse is a kinesthetic person, keep in mind that simply expressing “I love you” may not be enough. Remind yourself to reinforce your love with touch regularly.
4. Concentrate on being both listening and talking
Many couples approach conversation as if they were disputes or arguments that they had to win.
While you may disagree with your partner’s viewpoint, you must listen and be aware of why they feel the way they do. They tend to do the same for you.
When having a debate, don’t make it a race to see who can finish first. Instead, actively listen and try to comprehend their viewpoint.
5. Understand the Six Human Needs
There are six basic requirements that all humans have, yet we each prioritize these needs differently based on our underlying beliefs. Once you’ve determined which requirements are most important to your partner, you’ll know how to connect with them and meet them.
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Certainty
This urge leads us to seek pleasure while avoiding pain, stress, and emotional hazards. Consider the following questions: How secure does my partner feel in our relationship? Different things provide us with protection and comfort. Be candid with your spouse about what provides them assurance and stability.
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Need of Variety
If you’ve mastered how to communicate with your partner, uncertainty isn’t necessarily frightening. Healthy challenges that allow partners to grow together are required in relationships. As you improve your communication skills, you’ll discover that diversity keeps things interesting and pleasant with your spouse.
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Significance
We all want to feel special and significant to someone. Communication is essential for this desire because your partner must understand that you uniquely require them – that they satisfy your needs in ways that only they can. How do you show, rather than simply tell, your partner how important they are to you? You may show them by giving them loving touch, being there for them when they need it, and spending quality time with them.
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Connection and Love
Every human being needs a sense of belonging to others. Effective communication in relationships allows us to know we are loved and may make us feel most alive, yet the absence of love can bring suffering like nothing else. Too frequently, in trying to resolve a quarrel in our relationships, we impulsively say “I love you” and fail to demonstrate love in a genuine, concrete way that speaks to our partner’s needs. Reverse this pattern: Show your spouse you love them every day, in a way that speaks to their specific preferences and needs. Learning how to increase communication in a relationship entails determining which love language your spouse best understands and expressing love in that manner.
Check out: What are the 5 Love Languages in Relationships.
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Growth
The experience of life is one of perpetual mobility, and without it, our relationships would become stale. We are continuously striving to progress along the many routes that most interest us, whether they be emotional, intellectual, spiritual, or otherwise. Your spouse wants development just as much as you do, and by learning how to communicate better, we can also learn how to grow together. When was the last time you encouraged your partner’s development in areas where they are most passionate? How can you continue to fully support them?
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Contribution
Remember that giving is the key to life. Contribution is our source of meaning; it shapes who we become and cements our identity, who we are, and our place in the world. Consider what you now contribute to your relationship and how you may improve. Are you volunteering your time or your complete attention? What is the benefit of the doubt? Another chance? When communication is robust in a relationship, both parties can constantly come up with new and better methods to contribute to the satisfaction of the other.
6. Be True and Open to Uncomfortable Discussions
If you or your partner (or both of you) dislike disagreement, you may find yourself concealing your feelings to satisfy each other and avoid conflicts. This temporary peacekeeping bandage converts a two-way connection into a one-way street, which is not sustainable. The happiness and closeness you once had will eventually fade, taking the relationship with it. Instead of disregarding problems, you both must learn how to communicate more effectively with one another.
It’s better to sit and discuss the uncomforting communication problems that keep you up at night rather than brushing them off under the rugs.
7. Setting Boundaries
In every good relationship, setting limits is essential. Setting limits teaches you how to respect the differences between you and your partner. They can also help you better grasp diverse points of view, which may be useful during debates or misunderstandings. Healthy boundaries can make both of you feel more at ease chatting with one another since you’ll be aware of what topics can and cannot be discussed. Finally, this can assist you to prevent miscommunications.
However, be certain that the boundaries you establish do not alienate your partner. Even if they are just half of what makes your relationship work, they are still their person. As a result, avoid going to extremes while establishing boundaries in your relationship. This not only removes their autonomy but also lays the stage for a domineering and poisonous relationship.
8. Get rid of the Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Passive aggressiveness is a method of expressing long-haul rage rather than expressing disagreement head-on.
This might look like this:
- Making jokes about your partner’s constant tardiness
- Punishing them for being late by subjecting them to the silent treatment
- Making fun of their decisions
All of these actions allow you to communicate your annoyance without having to speak about it. It may feel pleasant at the moment, but it will not benefit you in the long run.
9. Begin with ‘I’ phrases and emotions
The way we communicate with our partners may make or break our relationship. More than often it’s noticed that couples frequently begin a conversation by pointing the finger at the other person and assigning blame.
It is suggested to start the talks with how you are feeling. You may achieve this by employing sentences that begin with “I.”
10. Be Fully Present in your Relationships
When you’re angry and upset or working on activities that take you away from your relationship, it’s tough to listen and be truly present, attentive, and thoughtful. This is a natural aspect of life, but it should not be used as an excuse to avoid communicating in relationships. Remember that closeness, love, and trust are formed when things are difficult, not when times are easy. We would never advance or evolve if we quit up at the first hint of opposition. Take advantage of these opportunities to learn how to cope with conflict and stress healthily, and watch as you and your partner head in the right direction and bloom.
11. Hit the Refresh Button
An argument will occur regardless of how hard you try to enhance communication in a relationship. This is the time to recognize your negative tendencies and begin over them before they become destructive.
Keep in mind that you are together because you make each other happy. Problems are challenges that one must overcome, and while it is tempting to give up, the fact is that these are the moments that will define your partnership. Listen to your spouse, figure out what their most important needs are, then meet them. When you realize that giving is the key to a good relationship, you’ll work hard to learn how to communicate with your spouse in a way that they can comprehend.
Here are some Bad Communication Habits that you should avoid at all costs:
- Silent Treatment
- Attacking your partner’s feelings about their past
- Raising your voice while having an argument
- Storming out
- Expressing anger in a disrespectful body language
Effective communication is the foundation stone of any successful relationship, yet it is not always simple.
Communicate with one another. You cannot read your partner’s mind, no matter how well you know and love each other. To avoid misconceptions that might lead to pain, anger, resentment, or bewilderment, we must speak clearly.
A relationship requires two people, and each person has numerous communication requirements and methods. Couples must develop a communication style that works for them. Healthy communication styles need practice and dedication. Communication is not going to be great all of the time.
Here are some Positive Changes that you can Implement to Start:
1. Practice empathy and ensure that your partner feels heard and understood.
2. Listen to better comprehend, not react. Don’t criticize, condemn, or whine, and don’t expect your partner to be able to read your thoughts when anything bothers you.
3. When your spouse expresses anything to you, convey your understanding and affirm their feelings.
4. Don’t take your significant other for granted and be kind to them.
5. Compliment each other, sincerely, and do it often.
6. Also, be aware of your body language and tone of speech. We may be far more aggressive than we think, so keep your eyes peeled.
If you’re having trouble resolving communication challenges in your relationship, try seeing a therapist, clinical psychologist, or a relationship expert, either alone or with your partner, to work through any underlying issues and build some new techniques.
The key to healthy relationships is no rocket science. It needs good communication skills, repeated gestures that make your partner feel understood, heard, appreciated, connected, express your feelings and validate theirs, and a balanced combination of talking, listening, and communicating. Small talk and ignoring issues will result in an insecure attachment style, hurt feelings, and an inability to fulfil your needs outside of the relationship. Don’t let poor communication be the end of something that is meant to be a wonderful experience.
Last Updated on by Sathi