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Deepika Shah is a relationship coach who has helped many people escape toxic relationships. She believes that one should always be happy with their partner and immediately talk things out of they notice signs of unhealthy relationships.
In her conversation with Icy Tales, Deepika Shah spoke about the process of relationship coaching, her obsession with relationships, and the reasons behind successful and failed relationships in today’s world.
Q) Tell us something about relationship coaching?
Deepika Shah: If I have to tell you in a few words what relationship coaching means, it is all about giving yourself the power to decide what kind of individual you should invite into your life. Because most of the time, we only think that we love a particular person and want to be with them.
If you see my profile in relationship coaching, my specialty is healing from toxic relationships. Nowadays, we see that a lot of this is happening where one partner is giving in 100%, and the other is not even giving 10%. But a lot more goes into finding the right partner because that partner will be part of your life and be part of your decision-making and your life process as a whole.
And that is what results in a toxic relationship where one partner is giving, and the other partners take it all. So I help individuals, especially professionals, identify a toxic relationship and heal from it.
Q) Why did you choose to pursue this field of relationship coaching?
Deepika Shah: So the thing is that I have been a marketing girl for the last ten years. I have an MBA degree in marketing and supply chain. In the previous 10 years, I have achieved what I wanted to do on the professional front.
Relationships are something that I’m obsessed with, but marketing is my passion. My obsession is one step ahead of my passion. People have been asking me about relationships all my life, so I thought if I could give so much advice, why not put that out on Instagram and help people? So that was a big decision to change something that has been your career for ten years. But I think we always have a choice to decide the next chapter of our life.
Q) What possible reasons behind failed relationships in today’s world?
Deepika Shah: One of the biggest reasons is expectations from the wrong person. It’s like going to a Chinese restaurant and asking for an Indian chaat; that’s impossible! The same thing is with relationships. I have noticed that whoever ends up in a toxic relationship has some backstory in their childhood, and they might have gone through some trauma.
For example, if a girl grows up in a family where the father is not there, she would look for a partner who will make her feel secure. Now, when she searches for such a partner, that partner should be dominant because, in her mind, the father is the predominant type. Then he will expect her to be submissive, and eventually, many problems will arise.
Then there’ll be fights, and eventually, instead of a relationship, it is like a master and a follower thing when he’s telling her what to do, and she is following. So this happens if you have wrong expectations or expectations from a bad person.
Nowadays, many guys suffer from toxic relationships where the girl is trying to dominate him because she lacks trust in him. You’re trying to control his life by telling him what to do and what not to do. Sometimes, they think that the happiness and peace of mind they want in their life, depends on another person.
These are the two main reasons why it happens; expectations and dependency. One partner depends on emotional needs, so if the partner is in a cranky mood, the other partner expects that partner to make them happy. All of this will lead to fights and miscommunication.
Q) What could be the possible reasons behind successful relationships?
Deepika Shah: The exact opposite of what I just said earlier! Compromise is always there, and you have to understand your partner. We need to expect from the right person and do it realistically; unlike the one we see in movies, that doesn’t happen.
Second, you cannot depend on your partner for your emotional needs. You have to be happy with yourself first, and then you can be satisfied with anyone else. Let’s suppose you decided to go on a movie date, and something happens and you cannot go through; that doesn’t mean you guys fight. A successful relationship depends on communication and understanding.
The more you talk, the more misunderstandings get resolved. It’s like if you’re in a toxic relationship; whenever a fight happens, one partner will go silent. So they give the other partner the silent treatment. And it is scientifically proven that if you love someone very much and if that person is not talking to you, it hurts equally. So these would be the main points of a healthy relationship.
Q) What advice do you have for people to identify signs of toxic relationships?
Deepika Shah: This is one question that, as a coach, I can give you a really good answer, but then it depends on people to accept the answer because whenever we find some fault in a relationship, the first thing we do is we ignore that. We think something like that can not happen to us, and then we go into denial.
Let me answer this question from a girl’s perspective. So imagine a girl is not ready to accept that her partner is toxic; he gives the silent treatment, dominates her, and makes decisions for her. She will not say this to him because she feels that what if he breaks up with her? So that is one of the biggest reasons many people do that.
Despite seeing the sign, they don’t raise their voices because they feel a relationship may break. Now, relationship breaking is not the real issue. What they are afraid of is being with themselves. People don’t break up because they are worried that they have to live with themselves; we are too scared to live with our thoughts.
This girl would not tell her partner he was doing something wrong. She’s putting all her emotions inside, and what happens when you have a cold bottle? You keep shaking it, and one day you will explode and have an emotional meltdown. She’ll keep questioning herself why this is happening. But what is the main issue? When you saw the sign, you did not know that is why all of this is happening.
So I would suggest that whoever is going through a toxic relationship, don’t be afraid to talk about it with your partner. Don’t be scared of the relationship because if a relationship is unhealthy, then no matter how many years you guys have been together, that relationship is meant to be broken. You’re not supposed to be with someone who gives you more sadness than happiness.
When you come back home and open the door, the person you see in front of you should make you feel happy from the inside. Most people don’t feel this when they come home. Sit down with yourself, maybe with your best friend, or hire a coach like me to help you sort out your thoughts.
Deepika Shah aims to help more people come out of toxic relationships to give them a drama-free life. She advocates healthy and happy relationships and strives to give people the right relationship advice.
Check out the whole conversation with Deepika Shah on our YouTube Channel.