Judith Pereira, a girl who is just 20 years old, is working as a heartbreak coach. Judith Pereira follows a vision of supporting women who desire to be in a long-term relationship yet have been injured in the dating process. She believes empowerment comes from healing the wounds of the past.
“Because you deserve it, the relationship of your dreams and a heart that is completely healed. Fake relationships may be appealing, but you must listen to your heart.”
Here is Judith Pereira in conversation with IcyTales on her journey as a heartbreak coach.
Q) What inspires you to become a heartbreak coach?
Judith Pereira- My personal life inspired me. A long time ago, I went through a breakup. When I was 15, I was in a relationship, and my emotions were heavily invested. That took me three years to get over it. I recognized how difficult it could be to deal with a breakup, especially for women.
We are wired all around our emotions as women, and we go insane trying to manage them, especially during a breakup. I spend quite a bit of time reading journals and articles. I don’t want the next generation to grieve, nor do I want society to be damaged. Women who’ve been dating now will marry, and their children will be the future of humanity.
Q) What approach do you take when talking with a client going through heartbreak?
Judith Pereira- My approach is gradual and intuitive. Slowly walk yourself through the path of heartbreak. After a breakup, the first thing you should do is lean on your friends and support system. Don’t publish anything on social media that will make your ex jealous. Positive self-talk is essential; whatever you’re experiencing right now is fine; you need to be kind with yourself.
People are unaware that when they are going through a breakup, they are also dealing with rejection, loneliness, and dreading the unknown. The loss of self-esteem and confidence is devastating, and you’ve been hurt in numerous ways.
People are hurt in numerous ways. While going through all of the things, it is imperative to be easy on yourself. You can have someone walk you through the pain slowly and gently. Build you through love. That’s my primary approach of not rushing with my clients. This approach works beautifully when they learn to be okay with that situation.
Q) Do you have a personal story that you can share with our readers about your journey of self-understanding and self-love?
Judith Pereira- You must decide to love yourself every day. I am a high-achieving individual, and I seek activities to accomplish and affirmations every day when I wake up. I can do things and be respected in return, which keeps me motivated and moving forward. Validation seeking can be detrimental to one’s health. Other things can be done that are more beneficial.
Validation seeking can be detrimental to one’s health. I always punished myself for not being productive, which has become very toxic and unhealthy. Other things can be done that are more beneficial. I can relate to alpha women, whose day is the most effective.
When I don’t complete everything on my to-do: list, I feel that I’m being unproductive in my thoughts. That can be harmful. Since childhood, we have perceived that e have to excel, validation is essential. While talking about myself, when I am doing a lot of things, excelling in academics, my brain tells me, “Oh! Judith gets a lot of attention, validation. She is a nice person”. I keep doing things and keep hustling to make my surroundings happy.
Another thing that spiked up after my breakup was crashing my self-image and esteem. I started believing negative things about myself. I believe in Jesus, and I am focusing my eyes on him, and I believe God loves us. I am now on the way to start loving myself, and I am cathodic.
Q) Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote’ that you use to motivate ambitious females who want to overcome heartbreaks and move on in life?
Judith Pereira: “YOLO, You Only Live Once” would be my favorite life lesson quote. So many women, including myself (I am an alpha woman), are hustling to accomplish multiple tasks at once. YOLO seems to be very simple. Go out, make time for yourself, and do things that interest you.
Women are scared of relationships. They are too afraid to be in a relationship; they do all the toxicants. People try to avoid the pain of breaking up, but when they are in a relationship again, one triggering event will spoil all the great moments you have with the partner. It is so important to heal from past relationships.
Here the application of YOLO comes in. Your relationships are a golden opportunity to grow as a person. It is an opportunity to become a better person. Open your heart to feel all the feelings and love. You should know that you only live one.
Don’t be afraid of feeling your feelings. Don’t be scared of expressing yourself and telling your likes and dislikes to your partner. There is always a significantly better way to communicate with your partner.
Q) Any three words that would describe yourself as a person?
Judith Pereira- I would describe myself as calm and composed. I love talking to people, but I also love to be at peace. The second would be a foodie, as I love hanging out. The third one is Learner. I always learn through articles, books, and life lessons.
Q) Could you, as a heartbreak coach, explain to our readers how they might gain a deeper understanding of themselves and move on?
Judith Pereira- The first thing is to accept what they are feeling. Hang out with friends talk to them. Secondly, don’t stress your feelings. Please stop trying to numb the pain you are feeling, as it will come back with greater force.
Accept that they are gone, don’t stay friends with them. If the relationship were healthy, the other person wouldn’t have gone. Build your own identity as the time of healing is crucial.
If you always to wanted to adopt a dog, but were restricted to do so because of your partner, do that now. It is a great time to do all the things that you love. You want to carry yourself as who you are in your next relationship.
Q) What was your most triumphant moment as a coach?
Judith Pereira- My triumphant moment as a coach would be as I was on a call with a client in her 30’s, has been hurt for a very long time. Many discussions happened, we have performed the Neuro-linguistic programming exercise, where you imagine things and do things with hand.
When she was doing those things, she had tears. I have tears in my eyes. She felt so much freedom. After ten minutes of crying and sobbing, there was a massive smile on her face. It was magical, and I remember that very vividly. That was my most significant moment. Constantly dealing with what causes the hurt to them, when they are healed, having joy on their faces gives me immense pleasure.
Q) What are the biggest challenges you have faced while dealing with the clients, and how do you cope with them?
Judith Pereira- My biggest challenge is when my clients go panicking. Sometimes, it isn’t easy to understand they are more worthy when they express their grief. They have the whole life ahead. A breakup puts a wall in front of your eyes and creates blockages in front.
They always look for distractions to avoid pain, making it challenging to face their feelings. The hurt females create a negative belief that their life has ended and a positive impression that they have a bright future and a beautiful life ahead. Creating a positive thought is quite challenging.
Q) What advice would you give to people who have been undergoing heartbreak to practice self-compassion and love?
Judith Pereira- If you have been through a breakup, speak to a friend express your feelings in words. Or write about it a lot; you have clarity of your thoughts when you write. Lean on your support system. Go on sleepovers, make schedule lunch dates with your closed ones. Do what interests you and have the patience to deal with it. Become a better version of yourself and Build your self-esteem!
Q) You have a unique way of handling heartbreaks. What does your emergency breakup kit include?
Judith Pereira- Emergency Breakup kit is a small ebook for the people who just broke up and needed something to calm themself down. The book has six different yet simpler modules. It has basic questions and journals where the 1st and 2nd module are about feeling your feelings. The further modules include mental work. The book has self-care activities as well. It is like a six-step you can carry yourself after your break up.
Q) What are your plans?
Judith Pereira: Currently, I am pursuing my major in psychology and English literature graduation. A combination of major and minor subjects. My aim and plan are to become a marriage therapist or a dating coach. In my personal opinion, dating has gone down with time. People have forgotten the essence and true purpose of dating in the age of hook-up culture.
Everything is moving at a breakneck pace. Different treatment is required for males and women. Although I am not a feminist, I believe that men and women share the same respect, but they are different; they are treated differently.
I want to teach women to hold their worth until marriage for sexual relationships. Hold off and have the best relationships they can have. My main goal is to women in order have a healthy dating life. I also want to be in heartbreak. The goal is to become a qualified therapist, and my coaching certificate is under process. I am also hoping to write some novels shortly.
Judith Pereira, a passionate and high-achieving girl, sets her aim to take care of the mental health of the female who is going through a breakup. We wish Judith all the very best in her future endeavors.